I pray for my sanity
I pray for you and I
i pray for loyalty and trust
I pray you don't leave me like the rest
and toss me like I was never Priority

In my heart I know i'm not what you want
But once you realize that what about me
I'll be tossed or pinned to the side
as a side note or an option
also known as a back up plan

I'm sure i'm not enough for you
My looks deceiving your eyes
and raging hormones

I hope you're not like the rest
having the upper hand in my life must be glorious
but since you mean so much to me
don't abuse my fragile trust and faith
in this fairy tale love stories

I pray my innocent mind doesn't drive you away
And my white girls music doesn't make your ears bleed
I pray my nail polish addiction doesn't make me seem
self involved
because i rather paint them then facetime

I cry in panic i'll die alone
rock hard but you got through
took some time but you're here
and not going anywhere
for right now

until you realize you can do better
with that girl who is willing to do what
is needed
Until you realize i'm not who you want
or thought i was

I pray you're happy
granted it will be without me
but just don't keep me around to pity me

Don't make me that girl next door
the one that is used as a prize around you distant homeboys
or the girl never mentioned to your parents

Don't make me feel invisible
with harsh words and harsh tones
and rude actions and gestures

I'm under your spell and i can't stay away
but what if i'm the problem
hiding from my siblings and overprotective father
ashamed to say that i have fallen for you


i'm under your spell but your functioning because of mine
you have given me power and i'm out of control
keeping you a long lost secret from the ones i love
i say i'm not ready but i am
seeing pictures of couples happy and free
freedom one say
hes my world another

i always felt jealous of you
being so intact with yourself
and knowing what you what and when
knowing who you are and why you're made that way

teach me the ropes of life
from the dotting of my I’s and
crossing of my T’s

I'm afraid of drowning too far without a steady hand to gasp to
a warm body to cuddle next too
sweet lips to sing too

Tell me your catch me although i'll never believe it
i say tell me you're never leave me
even if i always tell you to disappear

Trust what is the meaning behind it
Leaving your fate in the hands of a juvenile delinquent
going day by day not knowing when he might drop you
what do you fear the most
being told he loves you and he lied
ahh gasp i didn't see that one coming
no i actually fear love
i fear somebody so amazing coming into my life
and leaving me like i'm a bad habit
i fear happiness, commitment and you
i fear falling asleep next to the guy i'm completely in love with
and him just being gone the next time i open my eyes
because he was tired of my bull
tired of my lies and inability to talk out my feelings
to share my inner self and thoughts with him
i'm sorry i'm not who you thought i was
next time i'll be more blunt about it
just know i'm far from your fairy princess
i don't believe in love at all
not love at first sight or anything
love is something to make people think they are on top of the world
and proof they are gone just a quickly as they came
raw wounds, swelling tear ducts , forged promises
lies fake laughter artificial smiles,
constant cries and a horrifying past.
faith smashed lost loves..
and the “trust me” that didn’t last.
You sir and your deceiving love
have been incarcerated
by my mind. heart and soul

Where is the life that i used to know
when I used to smell fresh baked cinnamon rolls
awaken in my parents bed when i dad worked late

Where is the life that i used to breathe
when D’s and C’s were non existent
and school was dreamed of not dreaded

Where is the life that i used to live
when barney and blue's clues were new weekly
and my mom picked out my clothes and cleaned my room

What is this life that i live now
where i can't have a room to myself
or be trusted by the people i love the most

What is this world i'm surrounded by
where girls wear shorts that look like underwear
and teen pregnancy rates are higher than high school graduates

what have we all been fighting for
a good spot in line for a new and non improved 2K game
or attention of a dog who doesn't even think your beautiful

why does it have to be this way
living in a world full of strangers feeling alone
with no one to talk to or to hold

how did it get this way
with scared peers afraid of judgement
and more people put down with harsh tones
then brought up with encouraging phrases

who says you were in charge
Who said you were queen bee
who says you're a better person than me

Do you really think you're superior to me
because you have wasted more money on a coat or a pair of shoes
because your so called friends said you're prettier than me
because you got you cousins to jump me

how did it end up like this
baby daddy this
cuffing season that

Why can't we end this
end the judgements and harsh tones
end the criticism and superior ones
all that he said she said crap

Be the bigger person
forgive that guy who broke your heart
restore that broken friendship

I want a song by an African American artist
That doesn't degrade women
That talks about our beautiful smiles and faces
Instead of our body’s and bedroom advantages  
Calling us big ***** hoes will not increase our self respect
Or make us feel any better about ourselves.  
I want to be approached with a hello and a smile with confidence and respect.  
Not an emotionless inbox on facebook calling me shawty with blatant disrespect
And unthinkable intentions.
I don't want skin tone to define what society thinks I represent
Or my body to represent what you think I do.
I want people to look at me with caring eyes
When I tell you I’m a ****** and not a shocked expression
And ask Why
Why... why what-
Why do I have self respect?
Why do I not think of myself as a bag of money?
Why do I not refer to myself as a ***** or redbone?
Why don't I respond to yo light skinned or hey big ****.
Why am I being defined by my outside appearance?
The question is- since when
Since when is it okay for a man to place his hands on a woman
Since when is it okay to refer to one of gods creations as a
***** or a ***.
What happened to the old days?
When you had to ask a girl’s father for permission to take her on a date
When *** before marriage was a sin
When women didn’t have to get on her knees to keep
A man around.
This society my generation is so twisted
I’m done with it.
I’m not lowering myself worth to myself
To get a boyfriend because people think I’m lonely.
I'm content with being by myself
And the sooner people realize your lifestyle doesn't fit me the sooner
I’ll be happy to go downtown alone
Without fear of a *** will study my undeveloped
Hips or thighs.
Like imp worth a trade of two bag s of skittles
And a pack of gum