Maligayang bati,
Sa aking pagsilang,
Walang bakas ng gunita,
Walang alaala ng nasabing araw.

Nagdaan ang mga taon,
Namulat sa katotohanan,
Na hindi marunong magpatawad ang mundo,
At hindi ito titigil na para lang sayo.

Nagdaan ang mga taon,
Ilang kaarawan ang lumipas,
Andiyan ang pancit,
At ang keyk na nakahanda,
Sa hapag kainan para pagsaluhan,
Mga ngiting di mabakas,
Nagpapasalamat sa biyaya.

Ngunit ito ang unang taon,
Kung saan maghahanda ako,
Hindi para sa iba,
Kundi para sa sarili ko.
At aanyayahan ko kayo,
Nawa'y sana'y makadalo,
Habang unti unti kong inilalapag,
Sa ating hapag, upang ating pagsaluhan.

Maghahanda ako,
Ihahanda ko ang sarili ko,
Na ang puso ko'y tatayuan ko ng pader,
Na papalibot dito,
Dahil pagod na kong masaktan,
At nahahapo na ang aking katawan.

Maghahanda ako,
Na ibaon ang bawat alaala.
Ang tamis nang bawat halik,
Ang kuryenteng dumadaloy sa aking katawan,
Mga labing bumubuhay nang aking kamalayan.

Ihahanda ko din,
Ang aking sarili,
Na unti unti nang humakbang,
Papalayo sa nakasanayan,
Kung ano ang aking kinamulatan,
Sa loob nang mga taong pinagsamahan.

Mga umagang iyong mukha ang bumubungad,
Sa aking mga mata,
Habang ika'y pinagmamasdan,
Sa taimtim **** paghihimlay,
Habang ako'y nagninilay nilay,
Eto na ba ang pagibig na hinihintay?

Kaya mahal sa aking kaarawan,
Kasabay ng pagihip ko nang kandila,
Magpapaalam na ako sayo,
Paalam na sa mga gabing kayakap kita,
Sa mga sandaling magkakapit bisig tayo sa ilalim nang mga bitwin,
Na kung saan langit ang saksi sa ating pagmamahalan,
Sa mundong tayo lang ang nagkakaintindihan.

Pipikit ako,
At uulit ulitin ko ang mga salitang;
"Handa na ako"
At hihiling ng lakas ng loob,
At tibay ng sikmura,
Bibilang ako ng tatlo,
Isa,
dalawa,
Tatlo,
At sa aking pagdilat,
Hihipan ko ang kandila,
At magpapaalam na sayo.

Andiyan ka na sa malayo,
Sa pagtalikod ko nakikita kitang kumakaway,
Ni hindi ko maisip kung paalam na,
O panibagong simula para sa ating dalawa.

Napakasimpleng bagay ng isang pagkaway,
Na bumabagabag sa isip ko kung ano nga ba ang totoo,
Magkikita bang muli kung saan tayo noon nagtagpo,
O ibabaon na sa limot at ibubulong sa unan ang lahat habang nakayapos sa kumot.

Dagliang sasagi sa aking isipan,
Ang mga matatamis na salita na binibulong sa aking tenga,
Yung sa pag tulog ko ikkwento mo sa akin kung gaano mo ko kamahal,
O di kaya uulit ulitin mo kung gaano ka nagpapasalamat na ako'y iyong nakilala,
Dahil binago ko ang takbo ng buhay mo,
Dahil pinatunayan kong may tao pang kagaya ko,
Na totoo,
Na may puso,
Na may pagnanasa para sa isip mo ngunit hindi sa katawan mo.

Biglang magdidilim ang lahat at makikita ko ang iyong mukha,
Namumula,
Nanggagalaiti,
Halos pumutok ang ugat sa kakasambit,
Ng mga salitang napakasakit,
Pero muling kakabigin ng mga bisig,
Na nakasanayan ko nang sa aki'y kumikikig.

Nagmimistulang saranggola,
Na sa ere'y inihitya,
At unti unti tinutulak palayo,
At tinatangay ng hangin,
Papalapit sa mga ulap at malapit ng maabot ang langit,
Biglang hahatakin pabalik gamit ang lubid na nakapalupot sa aking katawan,
Para saan?
Para ulitin kung ano ang nakasanayan.

Kaya para saan ba talaga ang iyong pagkaway?
Mamaalam ka na sana,
Dahil parang araw na sumisilaw sa aking mga mata.
Ang sakit tingnan,
Pero alam kong ikaw ang magbibigay ng init sa nanlalamig ko ng mga laman.
Pero kailangan ko na sigurong kalimutan,
at muling mabuhay sa mundong,
Para lang sa akin,
At hayaan kang maglayag,
Sa karagatang ninanais mo.

Kasabay nang pagihip ng hangin,
Nalagutan siya ng hininga,
Sa isang dalampasigan mula sa kanyang guni guni,
Sila muling nagkita,
Bibigkasin sana ng mga bibig na tumikom,
Ang mga salitang sa unan na lamang naibubulong,
Ngunit isinantabi na lamang,
Nilunok ang lahat,
Tinalukuran,
Tinakbuhan,
Ang mga nakaraang tapos na't di na kailangan pang balikan,
Na minsan kang naging akin,
Minsan akong naging iyo,
Ang diwa nati'y pinagdugtong ng mga labing itinikom,
Kahit sa mundong gawa gawa na lamang para sa aking sarili,
Hindi ko parin makita,
Hindi ko parin mahanap,
Di ko parin mailabas,
Ang mga salitang sana'y minsan kong sinabi.

C ould you,
L oosen your grip on my reigns?
O bviously, you
C an't see how you're,
K illing me softly
W here am I now, where do I sleep?
O ver and over it replays on my mind,
R everbirating sound of whips tearing my skin
K indly put me down, and just put me out of my misery.

You'll see me smiling,
As I walk down the streets at night,
Under lamp posts with my earphones on,
Listening to the music that have comforted me for so long.

I'd open the door to a convenience store,
I'd get myself some food and something to drink,
Probably a 6 pack of alcohol,
When people ask I just answer, "i have insomnia."

And as I open my hotel room door,
And place my grocery bag on the floor,
I take out my tv dinner and turn on my phone's wifi,
Scrolling up and down my facebook timeline.

Then I eat my dinner and turn on the tv,
Have a laugh or two about something on there,
I don't even know why,
But it's just that it's funny.

And then I open a bottle for myself,
Only to lose my smile and my laugh,
To ponder on what it is I have left,
To keep telling myself it's okay.

As I assume my fetal position,
And lay in bed before falling to sleep,
I can still feel the wounds,
The cuts that were so deep,

So I sing to my pillow,
The songs that made me smile,
All I wish is that people leave me alone,
And they stop asking why.

Because I'm all balled up with sadness and tears,
That I can feel my nightmares climbing it's way up to my throat,
Lacing my skin with dark thorns and spikes like a porcupine's
I don't need your pity, not a pat on the back, i just need sleep, it's just something I lack

Another night spent in a bar,
Another night I blow it all over shots and beers,
One of those nights again,
Can't it all just end

I send you a text every night,
Of how much I miss you,
Of how much I loved you,
That I was wrong and you were right.

But you keep ignoring my texts,
You keep ignoring my voice messages,
Every call just ends up in voice mail,
I wonder if you even miss me at all.

So with every shot I feel less human,
With every bottle I try to care less,
But I can't,
The only thing I care less for is myself

For all I have are drunken nights,
As I bathe in pools of tears,
As I cringe in my sleep,
As I begin to lose the memories I try to keep,

You don't have to say goodbye,
You don't have to say you feel the same way too,
All I'm asking you is tell me why,
So I can stop drunk texting you.

Tigilan na ang pagluha,
Wag sirain ang bagay na binuo mo,
Sa tagal mo nang humahara sa pagsubok,
Ni isa walang nakapagpabuwal sayo.

Madami ka ng naidilig sa lupa,
Ilang bulaklak na ang iyong napatubo?
Gamit ang iyong mga kamay,
Ang mga bubot ay nagmistulang mga rosas.

Hindi mapagkakailang mahapdi at masakit,
Ang ang bulaklak sa iyong hardin,
Hindi ka na makalapit,
Pero tandaan maari pa siyang pagmasdan
Kahit malayo, iyong alalayan.

Ngunit darating ang panahon,
Puso’y maghihilom,
Tatagan lamang ang dibdib,
Saluhin ang sarili gamit ang sariling bisig.

Kakayanin mo ito,
Wag ka pagagapi,
Kaya tahan na,
Wag hayaang,
Ang mga multong ginawa sa para sarili,
Makapasok sa tahanan pa.

Can I tell you a secret?
I'm a liar.
Why am I telling you this?

It's just easier to tell strangers the truth,
Than people close to you because,
They don't ask questions,
They just nod their head and keep to themselves their suggestions.

Why am I telling you this?
I just openly admitted to all of you that I'm a liar,
So it's hard for you to think about these things if I'm telling the truth or not,
So what's the point of all this if I'm just lying to your faces.

Well ladies and gentlemen I'm just pouring the brandy to your glasses,
As I intoxicate you more with the lies that my sugarcoated lips can say,

An average person is lied to 200 times a day,
The most oftenly used lie are the words, "I'm okay."
Like when my mom asked me when my eyes all rubbed out from crying too much,
Or that time when I looked myself in the mirror and had to tell myself that lie over and over again just to get myself through the day.

With that being said I need to tell you one more thing,
My backyard is filled with skeletons of people that I have buried and skinned,
I keep their skins in my closet so I have one for every occassion.
I keep so many of them that who I really am just got lost within the confines of my closet.

I have worn so many that I have already been so comfortable in each and everyone of them,
I wear them so often that I have gotten so good at pretending to be someone else,
I have gotten so atuned to it that no one can tell that I'm lying,
That's why no one's chasing me around with matches threatening to set my pants on fire.

If I gave you a tour of my closet you'd see all the skins I wear as suits and it wouldn't surprise you,
That who's infront of you right now is just another one I wore for this occassion to fool you,
Then you'd see all the things I've been trying to hide,
I have gotten so good at it that I'm starting to believe in it myself,

I am starting to believe that I am those people,
That I am okay, that I am fine, that I didn't mean to lie but,
I just had to for the greater good,
I convince myself that I'm doing what's right when the truth is I don't know what it is I'm doing,

So yes, I am a liar, I admit to it.
But what I'm asking you is please,
Help me. Help me find out the truth,
Because I have gotten so good at lying that, I ask myself "who am I?"

i just hum myself to sleep at times. To the songs that my mom used to sing me to sleep to. I may be all grown up, but I still wish my mom was here to sing me to sleep. Especially on night where I'm not even sure what it is I do with my life anymore.

Sometimes it feels like I'm only pencil booked in people's lives. Everything just looms with uncertainties that you wonder if the next morning you wake up, will they still be there? Would you be etched within their memories? Or would you just be erased in a blink of an eye. The only thing that's beautiful about it is that, if they erase you from their lives all too often. You will start to make a hole in it. Even if they try to write your name on another page, or another chapter. It will never be the same as it was before.

And as I sit still within the crevice of this wall I made for myself. I began reliving the moments, the times when I was with her. When she would touch my face and giggle like a child. She would kiss me good morning to wake me up on lazy afternoons. I can still feel her arms wrapping around me as she began to cry and whisper to me last words you would want to hear from someone you love, "goodbye."

The moon said to me, "why are you sad? I've been watching you, all this time but this is the first time I've seen you like this. What changed?"

I heaved, as tears began to make its way to my face the words that broke the silence of my stasis, "she's gone. She left. She took her things and walked out the door. Walked out of my life. She said it was for the best. She always did know what's right and what's wrong. I fought for her to stay, but she was so decided on leaving that all I could do was let her go."

"Why are you sad then?" said the moon.

"I don't even know. All I know is that I'll miss her, every second of it. She drove me to into insanity at times, but hell I don't care. I just wanted her to be by my side. No matter what. She said she'll always be there. I don't know what changed. What went wrong, or what happened. It's just that, it's sad. That tomorrow I have to wake up, pretending she never existed. Pretending I never met her. Pretending I never loved her." As I dunk my sobbing face into my thighs. The thighs that were once wrapped around the woman I loved for so long in her sleep, in an eternal embrace that I need to forget from this moment on.

"Blessed are the forgetful for they get better even in their blunders." The moon said lastly, leaving me nothing but the silence of the cold summer night.

I have this weird addiction,
I promised myself that smoking would be,
The last thing I can see myself doing,
It's something so filthy and just down right disgusting.

But when I started working,
I was alone, I had nothing to go to,
And I keep hearing my friends tell me,
That smoking helps you tune out the edge of stress in your life.
That smoking wakes you up especially at night,
So working from 10pm- 7am at a hotel with no one to talk to,
Becomes more bearable.

So I tried it,
It was true, I wasn't so miserable,
I wasn't so cranky,
I wasn't too edgy and anxious about everything,
So it became a habit,
Plus it keeps my eyes open,
On nights that everything is just so dead.

I told myself that I don't want to love again,
After she left the way she did,
Well I just was so just tired of it.
Excuses.
Reasons,
Whys,
Hows,
Ifs,
Buts,
Etc.

Then I met you,
And by God you are the most wonderful human being on this planet,
As if every pain, every problem,
Every moment I had that caused me to bleed,
Was just shoved into a corner,
All I see are rainbows and butterflies,
Nothing but you and me on it.

I always catch myself red handed,
Making promises to myself I can't keep,
But knowing that I still get better sleep,
Because I know the moment I open my eyes,
As I light a cigarette,
And drink my morning coffee,
There would be a short message on my phone,
From you to me.

But days have passed,
The "magic" as people call it,
Doesn't really last,
I wanted to quit smoking so bad,
As much as I wanted to quit being too dependent on you.

All I have for cold mornings are cigarettes and coffee,
Not the sight of you laying on my bed,
As I kiss you good morning,
Then pack my things and get ready to go to work,
Nor the sight of you laying in my bed,
Every time I get home,
And tap you on your shoulders,
To surprise you with three simple words,
"I got food."

I may never quit smoking,
I just might not,
The same way I can never quit thinking of you,
How things could've turned out.
If I did that,
Instead of this,
If I said that,
Instead of the other,
I may never know,
I need a cigarette,
I'm just feeling so low.

The more you say,
The more I stray,
The more I feel that you're pushing me away.
Threading needles to fill up this sidewalk's crack,
Only o be clipped by your machine gun mouth.
My body's beaten, my soul is sore,
I don't know if I can handle much more.
I am tired of your calloused personality,
So in silence I will cringe.

Don't mistake my silence for passivity,
Don't think it is a "yes" or "go on, it's okay."
Even the strongest person vent out,
You would never want to hear what it is that may come from my mouth.
Just keep in mind, no one has ever planned a ****** out loud.
Staring at this hour glass,
Counting every grain of sand,
Thread lightly,
It might reset,
Or just simply, like my patience,
Run out.

Deceit is a friend that I have known for so long.
I have had conversations with myself,
Looking into a mirror,
Telling myself it's fine,
It's okay,
If not today,
Then maybe someday.
Because deception is all I have,
To make me ingest this cruel thing called life.
Time will tell,
When all will be well,
Because a life filled with misery,
Disappointment,
Heart ache,
Despair,
Is worst than hell.

I need you to tell me that everything
will be fine,
even if you believe otherwise.

Lie to me,
Protect me,
From all the harshness,
That's there is in this world,
Broken promises,
Unsung songs,
Unfinished stories,
Pretend that I can never be wrong.

Because even as a man,
I need to kid myself at times,
It's not that I'm naive,
It's just that I'd rather be a fool,
Than insane,
Because no one ever wins this game.
Where one plays checkers,
While others play chess.

Look at me,
Look at the ghost you have created,
The home you left for delusions,
Feeling as if the wall confined you.

Tell me, were all your words just empty promises
Sweet nothings to amuse yourself to see how far,
My lips could reach closer to my ear,
Did you even treat me as if I was dear.

You were wounded and bored,
I feel like those were the only reasons you clung on to me,
I gave you a safe space to dream, to live, to laugh and to cry,
And you thought you loved me, at that moment maybe you did.

But what happens when all the lights and glimmer are gone,
Now that you’ve realized that I am no shinier than the bottom of a glass you’ve grown so familiar to,
You’ve stopped drinking my words of advice as if they were laced,
You moved on to a shinier cup and with thoughts of better flavors.

Look at me and tell me what I’ve done wrong,
I am so tired of your excuses of you telling me that you just aren’t sure right now but you want time to figure it out,
I was once your ******* life woman, every word I uttered to you was gospel,
Now you treat me now better than how the jews have treated lepers,
All disgusted, dodging me as if I’m the **** plague,

All I want you to know, is that not everything that shines is gold,
Something new, will always grow old,
The colours you see right now will eventually fade,
You’ve left your artwork, to just paint things in gray.

Come one, come all,
To this one man show,
Where a man gets stabbed in the heart,
As he wears it on his sleeve.

Not once, not twice,
Too many to count,
Watch as he sheds his tears,
Listen as he shouts.

Then she'd grab his hand,
And throw him into a ring of fire,
If you're looking for entertainment,
This is what you desire.

As she tames and breaks him,
Like a wild lion with a whip and leash,
Listen to that cracking sound,
As it touches his skin.

No fangs, no claws,
Just please, hold your applause,
To see the new age wonder,
The "domesticated" blunder.

Sometimes,
A ticking tock's hands,
Looks like a pair of scissors,
For people who's in desperated need of time.
Tick, tock.
Goes the clock.
Sixty seconds.
"Please just a little bit more."
Forty five.
holds on tighter
Thirty.
"Please don't go. I need you here."
Fifteen.
"It's not time yet."
Ten.
"I'm not ready yet."
Nine.
"Please, please, please."
Eight.
"Open your eyes."
Seven.
"I promise you we'll do anything you want."
Six.
"Quit playing now, it's not funny anymore."
Five.
"Come back. Please. Just come back."
Four.
"Oh God."
Three.
"Why, why did it have to be me who gets left behind."
Two.
"Please, just one last time, hold my hand a little bit tighter."
One.
sobs

Then a faint voice from next to you gets muttered, that cuts the last strand of hope you ever had.

"Time of death, 12:54."

I have troubles in telling you no,
Because no matter how hard I try,
My care still flickers in my eyes,
My consciousness captive by the hands of time,

If it were to be,
A ****** spring,
Spare me please but one thing,
My sanity, at least keep it intact,
In return,
Your soul I'll give back,

For no matter how I miss the scratches on my back,
I can no longer let you use me,
Tease me,
Toy with me,
Make me shiver,
For you are never again to be called mine,
I have to forget the taste of Eden's wine.

They say no man is an island,
They couldn't have been more wrong,
We are islands ourselves and just like islands we are being drawn to each other,
That's why friends fit and hold together like a continent.

Within the areas of your skin are bits of sand,
That holds memories of the ones that touched you,
The ones that held you,
Bits and piece of the ones who adored you.

You're going to ask,
Why do we have scars then?
The answer is simple
They serve as testaments to our existence,

We take care of our bodies,
We avoid being bruised,
We don't like having marks on it
For it isn't aesthetically pleasing,

But these marks that have covered every inch,
Every strand, every fiber of your being,
Has sent numerous earthquakes that has shaken your core,
And now you're stronger for it.

You have experienced drought like no other,
There had already been a certain sense of dryness within your soul,
Clamouring for a touch, a kiss,
Dying to be revived from being barren.

You have experienced so many tides,
Landslides, storms,
Every catastrophe you can think of,
But every island has it's lore.

They tell of monsters that haunt the lands,
The monsters that you have tried so hard to push back,
But still,
They claw their way out.

You shouldn't be scared of these monsters,
Stead you must play with them,
Understand how to use them to preserve who you are,
You must believe in them for they will fight for you.

Because like any island, someone will come along and try to conquer you,
They will try and make you theirs and put their flag up within your land,
Some of them you will give way to,
And some you will fight for freedom.

It is up to you to remember who you are,
Using every thing that you have had to always remember,
for you are an island, a sovereign nation,
Not a past time, not a tourist attraction.

I closed my eyes,
Searched my mind’s deepest corners,
Probing my fondest memories,
For that moment in time.

What have I missed?
Where did I go wrong?
Is someone else keeping you warm at night?
Or is my absence just so unbearable,
That you just decided to let go of it all together.

Whatever it is I bring,
It became so heavy,
That the arms that slowly pushed me up from the dead,
Got crushed under the weight of my dreams.

I can spend all day just thinking of everything,
But none of it will ever bring you back,
So maybe it’s time to give my eyes some rest,
The suitcases under them carry all my baggages.

So maybe it’s time to just,
Breathe out,
And let it go.
Bella, Ciao.

I love how patient you are with your words. How you swallow them whole and digest it in your mind, if they are what I want to hear, or what I need to hear. Your patience is a virtue that I wish I could find in my soul, because I'm too impatient. The sound of a clock's hand ticking drives me mad, I hate scenes where I can even hear a pin drop inside a room filled with people. With you it's different, you silence lasts a lifetime but your words pulse through my veins every time you speak.

Every morning when I wake up,
I make myself a cup of coffee,
Turn on my kettle and sit still in the corner of this dark room,
Thinking to myself, “it’s just another day.”

I slowly play inside my head like a movie on a loop,
Over and over and over again,
Days that I have woken up next to you,
Days where your face was the first thing I see.

I hear the kettle’s sound go off,
And I stand and pour hot water into a cold cup,
The way I would like my heart to be doused with your warmth,
Because I’m starting to feel cold like the coming winter.

I grab my jar of coffee and a spoon,
I stared at the sugar for a good second,
Thinking I might want it sweet today,
But on second thought I don’t.

So here I am at 6:30 in the morning,
Binge drinking on black coffee,
All I can taste since you left is nothing but bitterness,
Much like this cup of coffee.

So I try to pace myself,
Thinking maybe it’ll be okay,
That this cup will soon wake up from this nightmare,
But to no avail. It is my life now. Cold and bitter.