Grasping at sand,
this dark hole,
this empty being.
this cold lifeless soul.
I see your eyes.
The one I hurt.

Again, again and surely again,
the tears will make play.
With a kind wipe, of your porcelain skin,
I walk, with the last taste of you, away.

With foot drug pace, I am pulled where I belong.
Into myself.
Alone.

Passed from my lips,
with a wishful whisper,
again your name.

Love, has me lost.

It rained here at work for a short while... made it a wee bit muggy...

But the smell of the rain mixed with the asphalt and dust stirs memories of walking my way home from Wyco Elementary. I can feel the water making its way through my cheap shoes and my Wrangler blue cords are soaked. The rain washes my stringy hair into my eyes and I can feel the slightest breeze on my face. In these moments there are no worries, I am not home, I am not at school, there are no peers I have my freedom and I am alive.

The slightest scent of sage and rag **** loft in the air and only the laughter that resonates in my mind is louder than the rain against the earth.

The lush green lawns of the area before my home soak up the wetness like vast green sponges and I wonder what a lawn might feel like.

As I near my home anxiety and nervousness rise inside me. My dad is home, he’s not working today, and maybe it’s been a while. I should not have been this wet.

The rain washes the dirt from our yard where grass should be, might have been or one day, I dream, might be. A brown river that matches my own despair runs into the storm drain. So many dreams I think, go the same way.

Dark is this waste, this heart
This boundless void, this useless heart

Take away these dreams these plans
Replace them forever, grasping hands

Weak is my faith, my love, forever lost

Take not my hurt, my loss
My pain, my righteous reason to blame

These building blocks of me
This wall, I’m sure you cannot see
Your waves, your love cannot be

Cold now I sit inside, only me
You, your love,
Will never be

Broken is the heart I give, to thee…

Forever now, in this dark,

I am set free

tear filled eyes
i can’t rub you from my being

a new day breaks
the sun rises
my heart sinks

i've lost you

It seemed fitting that the gray clouds of winter moved in again this morning.
Their imposing march on the city has mirrored the suffocated feelings of my heart today. I’ve pushed you away. The sun dimmed, shut out by the dreary gray, again matching my own emotions. Love, desire, compassion pushed to deep to feel.
Engulfing the concrete and iron at will, the bitter cold bites at the city, it bites at me, and it starts to snow. The flakes, like dreams tossed from the gods, float from the dismal heavens, why can’t I catch one?
The snowy dreams blanket the wintry ground, so many wasted and blown by left to die.
The hum from the highway resonates in the air, a soundtrack for winters grasp, the sad song that plays in our head as we watch love walk away.

Content, your brown eyes, only they have seen me. Your milk white skin and freckle laden body dances in my mind. As if it were but a dream, it seems so long ago that I last touched you.

My closed off heart aches. To weak to let you in I wrap it in self pity and sorrow. I cool its warm center with jaded thoughts and memories of the past. My soul’s winter, created by my own weakness, seems so long, so cold, so alone.

Your name whispered, floats from my lips and into the cold, I wonder, can you hear me?

The snow lofts on the cities cold air. The drenched earth, to cold to drink in the wet, spills pockets of slush and snow onto our paved plastic world. The cold slows the city down and the skirted girls are bundled in their polyester puffed shields. A still, tranquil quietness presents itself and the heat from the coffee escapes the cup much like we might imagine a soul departs its host. With chilled dried hands the vain cover their hair and curse the moist air. The homeless huddle in quiet desperation hoping to fight mother’s winter’s rude return, her warm ***** of summer seems so long gone. My transparent reflection on the glass separates me as I gaze into the gray dismal sky and dream of walks, gloved held hands. Pulled together at the heart, the cold does not pierce loves warm undying barrier. I imagine her porcelain skin, blushed cheek, and red wetted lips as the chilled air crystallizes the sparkle in her sea green eyes. She sees through me. I don’t exist. With empty cup and left tip, I wake from this dream, put on my armor and walk past my life back to where reality and angst wait.

This morning’s wake
You my love
Still dreaming

My loves skin
Enlivens
Entices
Tempts

Dreams spin from your sweet lips
To catch them with my own
This life with you, absolute

With stirred heart
I watch
My loves slumber
So sweet

Finger traced
Kissed lips
Loves eyes open

Forever in this
My love
Forever with you