I let loose, untie the noose from my neck
I feel cold, I feel bold and *****
I tolerate all the hate and disrespect.
I'm one with the void of abuse and neglect
There's no one who will help or protect
I can't be saved from the actions of men
They do the same thing time and time again,
I know it's all my fault, so I come to a halt
dropping down ******* my knees on the soft asphalt,
My heart is warm but hard like basalt,
The taste of love is like a rock of salt,
on my tongue, while I'm naive and young,
I crave all the love in the world.

And it leaves me empty
I'm always at rock bottom.
And I'm never getting up,
I can't bring myself to **** myself,
so I'm never giving up
I'll never be with anyone,
but I'll always give love
Because dark hearts can be good hearts;
let's not rely on body parts
Kindness is a lost art, on the inside
what are you really like inside?
I can show you my void and invite you to love it,
But I'll know nothing will come of it
you put everything on me, push it and shove it,
but I'm still alive nontheless
And I'll always want revenge.
Even if it is my end
I won't rest till' you make amends.
drinking poison till' I'm gone,
I won't be happy anyway,
so I might as well hold on to my resentment,
And hell can close it's gates,

Because I'm already behind those dark bars,
Feeling like a dark star
People don't know what souls are,
when yours is tortured long enough,
you'll go far
trust me, this is a dark art,
because all good hearts are dark hearts,
living life is a dark art.

i know that
i'm not light enough
for you to love me.

it's not a secret
you have to hide.

I don't think
you ever realized
nor did I,
that after
every time
you used me,
you insulted me,
you mocked me,
you abused me,
after every time
you ignored me
and hurt me
and broke my heart
you manipulated me
after every single
******* time
you tried to call me
your ******* friend
afterwards
you never thought
that I'd turn around
and attempt
to try to ******* **** you.

If you were dead,
I'd feel relived
yet I'd be saddened
by the fact
that I can't feel
your miserable
worthless flesh
with more pain
and misery
and regret.

I have absolutely
no sympathy for you.
I'm cold
I feel nothing
I'm ruined
I'm destroyed
I'm violent

in my mind
in my head
it means i'm safe
it means i'm sound
it means i'm complete
it means
i can be intimate
it means
you see me
it gives me energy
you're my everything
it means
you love me
you love my skin
you love my scarf
you are my safety
i am seen
you are my joy
you are my light
you are my comfort
you are my happiness
like i'm a little normal
like i'm allowed to be a person
i'm allowed to exist
you are my partner
you are my everything
that's what it means
when you say you love me

from pagan origins,
to new found love,
a pigeon flies down,
or is it a dove?

my heart's desire
is bright and red
just as those
that have bled

i wish to leave you
a little note
so that you may ponder
on what i wrote:

as spring unblossoms,
new hearts unfold
like origami
out of my chest
i just want
you to know
that out of everyone
i love you best
although i think
that you are vile,
and that my love
is childish,
in my dreams
and imaginations,
my desire for you
is wildest.

with that being said,
sealed with a kiss,
i hope this letter,
finds you well,
and i pray to eros
and i truthfully tell you
that you are missed
and i hope
inside your heart
it does swell

inside your heart,
like inside mine,
i hope you feel
my love of thine
i ask of this
with a hope
of every kind;

will you be
my valentine?

out of anger,
out of rage
split the skin
in my thigh
the cut will represent the pain
that i can't bear to keep inside.

Something inside me
has no voice
it claws, scratches, and screams
it fires up a rage inside of me
it is the screams
of my anger
and turmoil
fighting
the abuse
the power
I itch for
but can not
reach
the *******
frustrating feeling
I can not put
into ******* words

There is nothing I can do.
No revenge I can get.
I am filled with anger, and hatred.
And now, as I feel it pulsing throughout me,
I realize that my ability to hold grudges is a curse.

As I enter prayer,
soft mandalas take over my vision.
I am in another world with my lord,
as he showers me with etheric hugs and kisses.

Oh my Love!
How I wish you could touch me physically.
How I wish my mortal body would dissipate into thin air,
and the boundaries between us would be blurred.

Oh God!
How I pity myself and feel remorse,
when thy prayer ends, and I lose you again,
busying myself back to studying and work,
waiting until the time to pray comes again,
until the period of which we can reconnect once more,
and I can reimburse myself and banquet inside your sweet love.
447

What I know
is an illusion
what I know
is an ideal.

What I know
is a liar
what I know
gains less appeal.

Who I know
is my enemy
who I know
faces defeat.

Who I know
I can not feel
Who I know
can not speak.

Tell me
who are you really?

What are you,
other than a liar,
a manipulator,
a useless freak?

A demon hiding
beneath the sheets.

A mild narcissist with the quill,
whose words are dull, and intend to ****.
A fragile ego full of woe,
insecure, tipping on it's toe,
a shadow person, hiding behind a mask,
a slave to it's selfish task.

A murderer, but a coward at heart,
who can not finish what he starts.
A little prince, who imagines himself a king,
yet can not afford a single ring.
A maniac who needs to steal,
a psychotic who can not
differentiate the fake from real.

A suicidal who still manages to live
he always takes, but can not give.
He works his body to pain and ache,
and sees the world as his cake.
He's as weak as a man could be,
but fantasies is all he can see
in fact, fantasy is all he reads,
he rarely ever does a good deed

a hypocrite who always lies
when one acts like him,
he's quick to despise
he's lustful, full of sin, and hungry eyes,
and for these sins, he stupidly takes pride
if you know you're rotten to this earth,
then tell me, why does it so hurt?
when I tell you to commit suicide
you are nothing but filth and dirt.

Attention deficit in his brain,
and only causes others pain
he blames on things years ago
that no one hears and no one knows.

And even if life isn't fair,
that doesn't mean that I do care,
for you made my life hard to live
there's nothing about you that's positive

I gave you a love so sweet
you sacrificed it for flesh and meat
with trickery, lies, and deceit,
you left my heart bent
like a metal sheet.

unless you wash your ***** heart,
and learn to love and express your art,
maybe then, just maybe I can start,
to know who you truly are at heart.

From the moment
we both intertwined
forever connected,
if only
you were filled
with something
slightly bigger
than a demiurge,
we could've conquered the world.

You would go
without
everything you loved
and everything you've grown attached to
just for me.

You'd travel
for me
spend for me
live for me,
die for me,
have joy for me,
breathe for me,
protect me,
and understand me
as someone
something,
you'd never let go.

You'd look upon me
as the goddess that I am
and fall to your knees
in tears
of how beautiful
and joyful
I am.

Your mortal eyes
would see
beyond the illusion
and know
that I am your everything.

If you loved me
like I loved you
we would both
be complete.

her soft features
and gentle voice
make my blood
turn to
a gentle simmer.

all i see
is her
through his eyes

he wants her,
desires her,
prefers her,
he neglects me.

he cherishes her,
nurtures her,
loves her,
but neglects me.

he invests in her,
holds her gently,
takes care of her,
and neglects me.

because all i am
is his second choice.

just something
to go back to
when what he really wants
isn't there.

I turn my head,
expecting grace
by the look
upon your face
your eyes deep brown,
your aura blue,
I love your complexion,
I love your hue

I look, with modesty,
I look, so shy,
inside the pupil
of thine naked eye
I look, so lovingly,
I look so deep,
inside the heart
of my beloved.

I reach out, to touch,
I reach out, for a kiss,
but stare into my beloved
before the touching, of our lips,
you gently caress me,
your softness, so mild,
I turn into cotton
from the wild.

You make my heart soft
when it feels austere
with your gentle touch
and skin so fair
I caress your sides,
and touch your hair,
my one and only beloved,
is always there.

why do ***** thoughts
of me ******* you
randomly take over my mind?

visions of grandeur,
fill my mind with delight
the walls are high
and the colors are bright

my toes are pointed,
and i feel tall,
the pressures are high,
but i don't fall

i spin with grace,
i chase my dreams
life is a marathon
and i have no team

i take little steps
that lead to the sprint
i have no direction
but my mind gives me a hint

everything i want
the power and glory
i walk towards it
and feel inside me a fury

a desire so strong
to be the best
to cause shame and remorse
to all the rest

i crave power
it fills my chest
i crave excellence
it fills my head

i crave learning
until i'm dead
i crave status
i crave greatness

every action a drop of water
into an ocean of vibration
i want to feel a sweet release like
soft steam floating
out of the chambers of my heart
i am aligned with the universe

linear, horizontal, a rule
whether i am bless or if i'm cursed,
i am connected nonetheless

like a little red geometric thread,
the world has bled like i have bled
and i caress the hand that feeds,
so i am cared for, and i am fed
and i bleed just like she bleeds
mother earth and all her breeds

i want you
to know who i am
i want you
to see my dripping colors
the melted rainbow inside me
i want you
to see my ugly red raw rage
my beautiful deep
blue love
my green forgiveness
and sympathy
my purple
rational thinking
my logic
feel my point of view
like a prism
and i want you
to hear my voice
when i sing
i want you to
listen to my songs
and i want
your real
opinion.

all i want is
to listen to music with you.

Miserable

I don't want to see
the way you ignore me
after you use me
after I pass your thoughts
like I'm not alive
like I'm nothing
I want you
to delete
everything you wrote
I want you
to write poems of misery
of how guilty you feel
and even in those feelings
you're still
a selfish ***
*****.

you wanna be the king of hell?
well, feel free to rule my world
because i'm in hell every single ******* day.

i must be a satanist then
because you are god
and I've spent the rest of my life trying to replace you

doubts and worries disappear
like fog blown by wind
but they come back again
the tides are changing fast,
now I wonder,
how long will this mood last?
don't know when,
don't know how
it will ever end
my dear reverend
can you tell me the answers?
i see crosses in the sky
god hides from me and
i don't know why
my dear revenant
coming to haunt me again
i guess he wants me again
is life going as planned?
i'll get out of here
i'll write better poetry
maybe when my mind is clear
maybe when the end is near

they appear
like giant black specs
in the corner of my eyes
peeking behind doors
hiding under beds
they are our fear
we do not feel
they are the pain
we shove, hide,
and push away
they are the black holes
in our minds

i just put an hour and 17 minutes into work
40 minutes hacking
57 minutes coding
40 minutes doing math

Nows the time
To seek me out
If youre thinking about it
Come see me now
Your name, I shout
Inside my head
Heres the green light
Just go ahead.

Does it break you
To imagine me
Crying all night
To make the pain stop?

I cried myself to sleep
And woke up depressed
Like a block on concrete
Upon my chest

I questioned God
And begged him to make it stop
I rotted away in my bed
I felt like I was dead

For months, I felt empty
And I couldnt eat
My whole body was numb
And my heart didn't beat

No one saved me
No one helped me
And it left a void in my chest
I keep trying to feel

Im detached from reality
And nothing is real
Theres gaps in my memory
Some parts are blank

I'm mentally ill
And have you to thank
You broke my heart
And broke my soul

You made me feel worthless
And I sacrificed myself
I ditched my own God
To worship you

I was unconscious
You destroyed me
And everyone thought
It was funny.

My moods are unstable
It took years to gain control
Like navigating an ocean
When your ship is full of holes

It all went to my head
It would painfully ring
When words couldn't be said,
The migraines would sing

I need you so bad
That I wanted to die
You make me so wet
And without you I'm dry

Without you I'm nothing
I'm simply your slave
I'm addicted to you
You're all that I crave

I let you abuse me
Until I lose my mind
And the monster within me
Developed within time.

I wanted to ****** you
With all of my heart
The light within me
Shadowed by the dark

I fantasized about it
Your blood on my hands
Your body an object
That I control

The light and the dark
Is what makes me whole
You ruined my life
You tortured my core

And now I don't know
Who I am anymore.
By going within,
By exploring the deep,

I know who I am.
Inside me it sleeps.
The person I am
Is a secret you keep.

My love
Please come back to me
I miss the snickering,
And the bickering
And the times you made me mad

But I remember the lying,
And the crying,
And the times you made me sad

But oh how I miss the good days,
The average days,
No they weren't so bad.
And yes, I am truly mad.

Because I still love you
And adore you
Like the time never passed.

I can't leave the past in the past,
Oh, please just come back.

simple
a story told time and time again
a classic
a repetitive renaissance
of the same old thing
i'd like to break the boundary if this box.

killing it like a guillotine.
which is not contemporary at all

Four years ago, I died
I've lived my life a lie
I felt inside my heart
an ever-loving guide
I prayed, and prayed for love
while looking up above
tears rolling down my eyes
I closed them as I cried
I begged and begged,
and when I lay my head to rest,
I wondered why
I was treated so much less
I kept looking up to the sky
a hole with emptiness
and I had no one else to rely,
and with nothing to hide
with my heart, I confessed. . .
you could say that I'm blessed
with all that I've lost
I've gained so much wisdom
but at what cost?
I don't think that it's worth it
I don't think that I'm happy
I understand my purpose;
I don't accept it gladly.
I've lost my religion
it wasn't my decision
after all, I guess I don't always
value the truth.
but I've been through
so much pain
to me, it is all in vain,
what was sacrificed
of my youth.

My soul heavy, chasing material desires
Frustrated by the iron chains that hold me down
Heavy on me,
sinking me
into hot
scorching
magma.

As I try to become more and more God-like,
I get filled with more emptiness
more nothingness
I cremate
into ashes
and scatter across the void

I feel the horror
and anger
and fear
and whatever it is
and an inability to understand.

I feel paranoid
and confused
and just wished it was all clear

I feel stupid

And I'm sorry.

Out and about
random memories pop in my head
I just wander, feeling defeated

Trying to relax
sometimes I become distracted
by misty thoughts, thick like clouds

I become proud as my mind becomes silent
And walk away

Feeling the comfort and security
That nobody's thinking about me