what are words with no soul
whats a soul with no cords
who am i when no one’s there
and my pillow instigates
let my bed sell
my head on
the futility of rays.

     im not ok.
     im not ok.
     im not ok.

i have secrets.
secrets
even my sleeves
don’t see fit
to wear out—
  so instead
  they wear me. i'm
  out and about
trying to find a way
to fit in
on my way out

dear mom.

i wish i could just talk to you
without having to play us both
or support your role
on a stage i set
all by myself
in exchange for a rested head

practice makes perfect
they said
but i perfected practice to death
i hope that explains why i left
and still head to the opposite end

where insane is the only right
i have left

and my head
a dead end
and my only
friend

hey dad
remember when i was
only half bad
sometimes i do
but right now i can’t feel
half bad

i’m hazmat
as your suit
has had
my pursuit
of you
seem half-assed

before i press repeat
i remind myself to rewind
the mind i pay you
after i try to rinse my hand

i’m either asleep
or dreaming of dreams
but never in between
like the white light
that beams
on its way to my heart
halfway down
the ashy stream

i hate a mess
but i’d hate
not seeing yours
all over my bedroom
floor
more

down on my knees.
i could be praying here.
instead
i’m preying on beasts
who prey on me.

pray for me

i’m in too deep.
drowning
in knee-deep tears
not nearly
as shallow as me.

you don’t get me
so you don’t get me
my knowledge of you
is barely rudimentary
and rue is a two way street

why did you beget me
only to regret me
forsake me
for your sake
i beg you

forget me
forget me