little brother.
my little angel

how little i feel
how minute i must be
for you, who is me,
to up and leave
my little baby...

i misspoke
and misconducted
and miscommunicated
and miscarried
the purity
that is you
the bane of what is me
and my existence

the pain from the staircase
i ****** my broken body down
still aches

and i am ready
for an eternity
of agony

if anything happens to me tomorrow
i need nothing else
but for you to understand
that if not for you
tomorrow
would have been so
long
long
long
ago

don't ask me
when this all happened
they all left me
the answers

i don't know
at which point it was
precisely
that i ventured from
a lonesome mutant
to a loyal consumer
of one man
by the surname
Jameson.

all i understand
at this point in time
is that certainty
has no place in my mind

and that if nothing
and no one
and no place
and no aim
and no intention
of any change
he is here
and that
is all  
i will ever need

i do
i do
only death
can forcefully
make me bid
my loyalty
to my one truth
adieu

- end

all i need is you and me
to rhythmically breathe
this chemistry

let the air release
the bliss i feel beneath
the deep pigments
that compose the skin tone
that is yours like me
when i am consoled
by you, my harmony

the figments of chaos
that barricade logic
from my
barren
    vacant
   mind
reassure me
as any talented sadist would
that my work is greater for
being for the greater good
...that i am far from good
for i far supersede
what all talented sadist
curators ever could

and if not for the poetry
your exhales hand
my mishandled ears
i wonder
if i would ever again
be able to feel.

- end

so
in love
not with you
but myself
in your presence

so
in trouble
not with you
but myself
if you vanish

- end

intrusive.
you
refuse
to soothe
these thunderstorms
in me.

they're brewing.

one day they'll explode.
and even if i knew the future
nonetheless, i'll look like
a fool.

i can't quite define
why sometimes
and sundays
i seem
alright

the peace of mind leaves me uneasy

it tells me i'm releasing
the memories that eased me
back when i needed
bracing
and saving
for defacing
the part of me i hated
with passion
that resembled that
which you once had for me
especially on days
when the sun came first
and foremost

sevenfold.

i am the heart
of these walls.

i have nowhere to go

only God can know that i am not grown
though they beg to differ so often

God only knows that i am so worn
and so
          so
old.

i apologize
fighting to find
fair rationale
that may contrast
the way i justify
the foolishness
of continuing
to provide
abode for this weight
when all it has
is novel means
of snapping my back

suffice it to say
my tolerance for pain
lies in a plain land
far far away
blanketed
on the outskirts

i will implore
should the scene need
for you to believe me
if nothing else
i’ve learned to suppress
my dignity
transiently

the only fear
is that it discover
the relief
of the darkness
under covers

- end