I feel neutral
My cat is purring
I have a type of love
And food
And a roof
Over my head

So why
Do I feel
So dead

I don't like sitting with myself
What is life
what is love
why is health

and if gratitude
depends on attitude
and art is what
life births itself

it's all too much
to think about
and suddenly
Heaven is hell

the only one
I care about
why, oh why
is it not myself

and if so
who do you live for
if nothing else

i don't know what you're up to tonight
i don't know what i'm up to most nights.

i ****** that guy the other night.
i couldn't tell you his name--first or last.
and i was ashamed to tell you at first--
but then it passed

and he doesn't care, or so it seems
and you are not there, so i'll stay here

ashamed and unabashed
by all my schemes

I love you so much
sometimes it hurts
but if i'm being honest
sometimes, it doesn't
sometimes...
it feels like nothing

i feel that cold shoulder of mine
get colder
I try to think of you
when you want to love
and to hold her
but the latter is the best you can get
and no love is left over

i'm sorry i'm like this.
I'm sorry we intertwist
often, i wish i was different
and as much as I fall for you,
i fall more for indifference

this hallway
impresses  
the stresses
in my head
the drama
of walking
finessing
on a thread

and what of
the traumas
and blessings
that I dread
makes walking
a straight line
impressive
if i'm dead

your belt
sits in a chest
under my bed

where your chest
met my head
atop of it.

neither my head
nor a chastity belt

i've felt

both rights of mine

like sunshine
in the valley of death

march 28 2021 at 2:26 AM

my heart cries
i hit these new lows
on this old drive
this passover
i'm on this overpass
passing over you
still i can't seem
to let the past go
or get over the past

or get over you