i imagine that if i were to be given everything i've lost in my life
among all of the cellphones, hair ties, and water bottles
you would sit there in the middle of it all and smile at me.

the earth will always be there for you.
although sometimes it shakes, for now, it is still and you may sit or stand or lay on it for as long as you'd like. and if you stay there long enough you may feel gravity gently tugging you lower, lower,
lower into the earths core to rot
for we are all simple satellites orbiting the earth; born high in arms and strollers we slowly learn to crawl, walk, run, limp, walk again, hunch over in age -- and no matter how many airplanes we ride high in the sky, everyday we are dragged a little more, sagging a little bit more, into death of the earth and of the bones. gravity is a constant reminder that one day our parents put us down and never picked us up again, and that soon enough the earth will drag our bones into the soil and earth from whence we came.
for it was there, in you, in birth; and soon you will be there, in it, in death.

no painting is made up of an entirety of good strokes.
if a painting is started with a good stroke and slowly starts to deteriorate, good strokes can still be made. if a painting is horrible from the start, and the paint's already cakey and dry and stubborn, good strokes can still be made.
good strokes can be learned; precise and categorized and made with a focused eye. but education does not guarantee a good stroke.
good strokes can be random; flicking paint and getting it under your fingernails and ruining your brushes. but fate does not guarantee a good stroke.
a good stroke is found.
a good stroke is found by lucky people.

a stroke.
a stroke of a paintbrush, to be more specific, not the kind where you fall and die horribly --
but a paint stroke.
when i paint, life feels difficult.
isolated in a room, inhaling paint fumes, watching my money dry up on a palette, this is an understandable feeling.
but occasionally, in the middle of filling in a cheekbone and contemplating getting up to get some tea, it happens.
a single, good stroke is made. and this is usually when life starts to feel much better.
i can build upon that stroke. fix it and fix it and fix it until the entire cheekbone looks good, and then the rest of the cheek, the temples, the forehead, the hair -- and yes, i still **** up but then another good stroke is made.
and another, and another, and another and it gets easier, to make good strokes exponentially
until the canvas is filled and the painting is finished.
ultimately, it is the good stroke that does the painting. without that small leap, gravity would weigh everything down and nothing would be able to soar. the painting could still be done, but not finished, and no fulfillment would be given to the hands that held the brush.
and with that good stroke,
life feels easy.