her lips taste like cigarettes and brandy
like a big puff of smoke i inhale her
she creeps into my brain and locks
her hooks inside my lungs i am
coughing consequences
cigarette lips are you The One?
my mind goes numb and i meagerly
attempt to forget her

as i whisper my final breath,
an obscure and lonely request slipped between your ribs,
you expel me from your lungs,
and i've been erased.

and on that autumn rooftop i saw her
the real her
she danced along the ledge,
making light of a dark and dangerous thing
she didn't care and she ran and rejoiced
she talked very strangely
like she might not get to say the next thing
and everything was very final
and nothing was going to change
until the sun went down and we had to go home.
i don't know if you remember that day like i do but it was really special because it was like life just froze for a few house
we didn't have to worry and we didn't have to care and nobody disturbed us and i wish i could have stayed like that forever

i can see in your little ringlets clumped around your ears and pushed off your neck
how you tried so hard to stop him
and i can see your ***** and chewed-off fingernails
how difficult it was for you to leave
on a cold morning from his warm arms,
from those four walls, and the full kitchen, and the blankets and the coffee and the books.

you're brushing your teeth in the sink next to me
and you're not looking at the mirror
or anything.
your purse fell off the counter and a few things fell out
hairspray; a ballpoint pen; a tube of mascara; a bottle of water.
i don't know why these things were the only ones i remembered.
why didn't i look closer at your face?
because when i handed you your pen you didn't say anything,
just held open the bag and stretched your lips into an almost-smile.
i remember your bangs covering over half your face,
and i remember the cut just below the left half of your lips.

i remember the way your permanently-damp skin clung to your bones,
like dew on a flower,
and the sides of your shoes were falling apart.

i wish i could tell you how much of an impact you had on me in those 30 seconds,
but even more- i wish you found home and that you're happy.