Based on a true story

"On the verge of giveing up all hope in ever being able to piece together the shattered remains of his self inflected  destroction of his future, with no one else to turn to he just finishes  his Chinese dinner jokingly saying to himself 'let see what the fortune  cookie has to say for me since the last one was soooooo accurate -.-' he cracks open the cookie

'Disregard last fortune. '

Later that night he goes home to find out his toaster is waterproof."

Lesson?

Spend the extra 3$ and go to mcdonalds :/

Depression,
of the darkest shade of blue,

Vulnerability,
thy name is you.

Jealousy,
of which I can not contain

Alcohol,
my oasis from my pain.

Not all stories..
Have a happy ending

"Love" she says,
"Is not worth pretending"

Suicide,
Is not for the faint of heart

Forgiveness,
Is needed for a fresh start,



Everyday I wake,
I wish I was dead.

But,
I keep my head up and fight instead,

My children
My world, my muse, my flame.

If I give up now ,
I will bring them shame

Daddy is broken,
But is held with glue.

Daddy would be dead if it wasn't for you.

Cuz daddy's worst nightmare has just come true

Mommy told daddy,
"I don't love you"

But take my own life?
I just can not do

Cause that means daddy has gave up on you.

I'll be there through everything,
Thick and thin.

Wipe away my tears and lift up my chin.

Just because we can't be a family

Does not mean you can grow up without me.

For you i will fight,
Keep digging deeper.

"One day we all dance with the grim reaper"

When my ****** showed up on under the "people you may know" tab on fb. It felt like the closest to investigating a crime scene that I've ever been.
That is if you don't count the clock work ****** that I make of my own memory every time I go down Colfax avenue.
Still
I sit in my living room and I search for clues.

Click

He is Smiling...

And I see myself caught in his teeth,

He's Dancing in some club In a city I have never been to.

Click.

He is eating sushi over a few beers with friends

And I am under his finger nails.

Click,

I know that alley.

Click.

I killed the memory of that t shirt.

Click.

This...

Is a baby picture,

There is also an older man,

Presumably his father.

They're are both round, And bright and still

Smiling....

Click.

He is shirtless,

And I see myself in the weight room mirror,

"#beastmodeselfie"

I call him the WOLF, when I write about him.

The WOLF!

So as to make him as story book as possible.

The WOLF!

When I write about him.

Which is to say my

Memory..

Escapes the ****** When the internet suggests it.

Facebook, Informs me we have

3

Mutual

Friends..

Which is to say, That he is people you may know.

And that, I AM People you may know.

And there are people who know,

And people that don't know,

And  people that DONT KNOW THAT I WANT TO KNOW,

people that I am afraid to LET KNOW,

and probably people that know him,

That know of me, that know OF the word

NO!

NO!

NO!

NO is a flock of sleeping sheep sitting in my mouth.

And now.....

Now I know the wolf's middle name...

And what he listens to on spofiy.

And the all to familiar company he keeps,

And he can no longer be

"The wolf."

Or the nameless grave I dig for

Myself.

We have...

3

Mutual

friends

on Facebook.

And now it feels as if they

Are holding the shovel.

64 people..

liked the shirtless gym pic.

4 people

Have told me that they'd rather I said

Nothing.

2 police officers,

Told me I must give his act a

name

or it didn't happen!

That obviously I could have

Fought back.

Which is to say

No one comes running for young boys who cry

****...

When I told my brother,

He also asked why I didn't fight back.

Adam....

I am...

Right now.

I promise.

Everyday, I write a poem titled

"Tomorrow"

It is a hand written list

Of the people I know that

Love me.

And I make sure  to put my own name at the top

By Kevin kantor

"God, your my only hope"       original poem.

I speak in a tongue most fowl,
But gods eyes are like pictures,
They will judge as they follow.
But as if Done with a curse
My mouth can not contain

"More morphine please nurse
For I can not take this pain,"

I lost in the game of life,
The cliche of a loser,
Judgement cuts like a knife,
I wish I never lost her,

Nay,  as I try to back track,
At the moment That I slipped
No drug can bring back
the moments that I missed.
I'm alone, no goodbyes,
I just can't seem to cope,
Death sings me lullabies

"God your my only hope,

Please forgive my wicked ways,
I'm tucked in my death bed
I can see my final days
All though all life must end,
Its the law of your design
But when i hit rock bottom,
I forgot how to climb,

I may have messed up bad
I accept my Destiny,
I wish i was a better dad

Tanisha Connor is my eternity."

I had made my choice
I awaited for hell,
But then I heard a voice
And then my heart fell.

"You have broken your trance,
So now you can see
But with your second chance,
Just get to know me."

My life flashed before my eyes,
I Woke up, but there's no delay,
Push aside all my lies
Today was my son's birthday.

End.

I was lucky I realized my mistakes while I was young enough to do something about them, don't end up old and alone on your death bed, begging for a second Chance, you only get one life, do it right.

I love you Noah, Jerico, and Tanisha Becerril.

The adept ability i posses,
to pick at your brain and be 6 moves ahead.
But to turn the tide
and peek inside
of my own mind,
turned out to be my Psychological suicide..