I walk to feel alive -
As if South Yorkshire is utopia
And I'm an astronaut discovering it for the millionth time.
It's a raw feeling,
I've travelled back by closed eyes and a genie wish
To find those roots again that shoot through me, palliative like beryl rockets.
It's sad though
Because I imagine horses waiting for rain but only strangers came
And so I heard the metro
The ghosts of Bethnal Green lured me back to the land of opportunities
Home ground for love
I was an eagle eyed dove.
It was the only way to live a life worth talking about when I'm old
And before you ask, I'm not sure why I dwell on that fact.
As nice as it would be to be alone, I'm afraid I'll have to cut the seed from my hydrangea heart
Before the Venus fly sunset traps me in for good.

I want to kiss the malt you stained your lips with,
As masculine and camouflaged as they are by a lions mane.
I never saw you as beautiful until they day you spangled me in it
Longing with questions and me with a taste for the road,
It could work if I forced myself to turn my back on what had made me whole.
For the drunkenness in your coal mined eyes and the need knots in my stomach tell me to join you on the stage
Whether it's behind, in front or by the side, I want you.
I want you in the way I don't want to be alone.
I want you in the way I would starve myself to the bone.
I want you in the way I'd call that home.

In retrospect, it's been nothing
But it's such a big big thing to live.
I cast my brain upon
balconies seven heavens high.
When my train flattened an innocent man I wished it could've been me.

I feel like I've lived more lives than words they use to say
"You wouldn't know".
You wouldn't know what I have to do to get the tears to flow
Never mind the fragments of breath
That try to sink when I sail them. 

The scintillation of just one problem
Is enough to short circuit me.
I shouldn't have to worry but I do
Unknowingly creating loop holes
In each defiance I now call a luxury.
I don't want to live so why should I know how to?

I took my foot off the gas
Of a car I never owned
Got a job as a ceiling starer.
I stared into anatomy
Face shapes and circumstance
All I found was a lost school dance.

I'd smash your fingers in my piano
If i had the chance to walk into your life like a lie dressed in silk.
I can make out your figure through the reflection of the glass bottle
Wonder why it got you in full throttle

When I was alive
When your baby cried
Already with suspicions.
When all she did was abide
By the rules of how to survive
In such a ****** up situation.

It’s crazy how fast people stop making an effort after making their transaction.
Playing around with hotel rooms, assassinating money, I keep going home to write a love song
Just to never hear from you again.

And as I stare on at the one space for rehab I wonder what was the point in exchanging numbers
If one out of a zillion gets lost each time you leave me to do it alone?
I'm a business, a link for you guys to meet without me.

I live within states
Divided by fields
I never got drunk in as a teen
Cities I feel I’ve lived in a thousand times
Maybe I handled them better in a past life
The mediocrity of mouse towns
Borrower minds, nowhere to scream these words on a stage
And a seaside that changed my state
In fluctuating, horrifying ways.
I don’t always live within states
But I will in the balmy beach of those summer weeks
I’ll laugh myself up treacherous Greek steps and cry under starlit Swiss skies
The state of me is a never ending paradox…
At least I’ll distract myself from that fact in the art of knowing how to adapt.

Savage me you could
Brunette bird in a world of wolves
Countryside to city
Drenched in rain either way
But still unstoppable
You look over your shoulder
That porcelain shoulder
The bones, the tips of your fingers
Gently nudge me
Right where I needed to be nudged
To follow you into the night.

Looking back on everything
Sobriety, ecstasy
Loud mouthed moth
Drowned in questions but staggered out
Unladylike, feminine as ever
In candy wrapper kicking boots
You sing me to sleep
Without plaiting my hair, no lullaby
Just a beat of notoriety
Right when I needed to feel notoriety
To follow myself into the night.