With red raw eyes,
i’m not crying
in some pretty orange
hue that i look
baby in.
I’m figuring out
how to hide my wrists
and how i can resist
joining you
again.

I’m just a droplet
in a whole pool of deteriorating
coldness and boldness
that I never asked to be put in.
So please pay no mind,
i swear i never feel this way
when i’m with you.
I step into solace ground,
you, incredible girl,
help me push it away.
I’m learning,
I will be for a while.
But we’re never too old
to start loving
like we always could.
And listen,

we will.

Your world is so confusing.
I'm ambushed with colour
going insane with some longing
that I'll never be able to explain.
As long as you keep standing there
composing a cadence in my heart
I'll keep journeying through it,
milking your clairvoyant eyes.

Chocolate ponds melted into her face,
puppy dog eyes that I'm sure she's used
but I trust myself stepping into them.
It's a new path to follow,
I see the softness of her skin underneath
her pomegranate checked shirts
and a fragility she likes to hide.
Skin that feels safe,
skin that blends into me as the evening
winds become dark apricot fire
and as we ride the angry roads,
our smiles become country lanes.
Everything is raspberry swigs
and running as the days drain out
into relief, forever.

I wanted the sun to cleanse me
and when the rain came
i drifted to another place with you.
See, it calms me and doesn’t ignite me,
it doesn’t blacken me more
in the process of healing and hope
like it does when i’m completely
discoloured without you.

Faraway echos and the hum of flies
are like distant lullabies
of a childhood I had almost forgotten.
A childhood written by Charlotte
on an icy blue morning like this one.
How very special is it
to start holding the earth in her eyes
in mine like sapphire raindrops
that dream and cry as humans do.
My breath dances in the fog
as if it was weaving a wordy web
and I smile in my silent ease, it's a
moonlight I remember from years ago.
A charm I still can't fathom
but I want it to stay for the rest of my life.

A sad fever takes a hold of me.
I know I can't be sad forever
but i'm a survivor and if it means
wrecking myself then so be it.
I don't want to be tough
but my fists are deep azure
and star bound as they punch down
every wall I created.
It's been a hostile few years and
what you don't understand
is that I can't be my vibrant self anymore.
Not for you or anyone.
I just want to be left alone.
I don't want to be alone.