I gazed down at your fingertips
holding a mask that always seemed to readily cover your face
whenever emotion threatened
to seep out of you
creating puddles
that could soak my knees
but never did.
And because your stories
are too explicit to repeat
I guess they were told to me
to prevent you
from ever knocking on death's door
to find more answers
like you did
that one December eve.
I was the blood that kept you alive
but failed to keep you satisfied
as if surviving isn't a goal we all should aim to achieve
but a victory that we are blessed with
when we feel we have been defeated
And as hours mold into a day
I realize
some afternoons are not meant to be productive
but to run around in circles
following the same questions
we have asked for years
My nightmares built a kayak
to cut through the ocean of lies they told to you
and if my arms were strong enough
to bear the weight of burdens that were forced upon you
maybe I wouldn't have collapsed that night
because to be strong for you
is to be everything in this world you need
They were the tools you used
to carve a lie into your soul
and say it back to me
every time I said three words to you
Maybe two can become one
but one will never look in two different directions
when being chased down
by the memories that lurk behind our futures
and lock away our pasts
Because the possibility for you exists
that someday your heart will become
more than an *****
but first we must sever the hope
that bonds our hands as one
First we must adopt identities
from an orphanage
that only houses broken personalities
and destinies
that have been obstructed
by fallen dreams
and shape them to be our own
to prove that hands are miracles
that fold euphoric memories
before placing them in a box
that shall only be opened
on the murkiest days
If these hands can hold masks to protect us
and assemble a better perspective
then we have mastered
the art of definition which creates who we are
But I will stay by your side as long as
there is enough oxygen for us to breathe
while being in such close proximity
because standing beside you
is the one thing you need
turned backs are not.

I stand in the dark
because resting would be too easy
and so would loving you
and so would hating you
for purposes that don't belong in understanding eyes
or careful hearts
As the snow fills the air with white crystals
and blankets the ground in cold
I realize the only reason I believe it's winter
is because you told me it was January third
as if your words are a food source
that my hunger craves
and life depends on
as if you could be all I need
Next time the skies turn grey
I will paint them blue with white clouds and airplanes
to make you believe skies aren't what determine
whether or not it's a good day
And if you ever wonder why the stars are full of edges
ask sky who outlines them
and it will tell you it's because
everything leads to making points
not proving trust
which you, in fact,
already knew.

Love as solid as the air that we see in the cold
surrounding our souls
breathing into our frustrations
for days of isolation
and weeks of pain
that never made us stronger after all
A dreamcatcher hangs above my head
just to make it easier
for you to ****** those dreams away
And hearts are not meant to feel
but meant to suffer
from lies
that flow like blood
pouring into crystal vases
to feed the red roses
you sent to me
as another apology
for words
that should have remained unsaid
But said is the tense you seem to use
as if filters were only for water coming out of silver faucets
I have become the alphabet
as you manipulate me into any sentences you wish to spout off
I have become the mirror
that only shows you who you really are
when you're the one who chooses to look
I have become the trees
that you cut down
just to feel warm at night
I have become useless
Useless to everyone
except you.
As if uses are things that you abduct
to never have any intention of giving back
And those lies
and those words
and the "I love you"
were all the things
I used
to feel like I do now.
But I would give them back
Oh, how I wish
I could give them back.

It's like when you kissed me you wanted a band of horses to come rushing towards us
and steal the sand out from beneath our feet
knocking me to the ground
and steal my innocence away.

But I thought there was a future hiding deep beneath sand that sleeps on the ocean floor
and that when you stirred it up
it would circle around reefs and reefs to find me
where I was
with you.

I thought that my heart would cry for you so hard
that screams to the air would become powerful enough to
change birds' migration
and causes the wind to whip into a funnel

I thought that floors could collapse
and flag poles would fall to the earth
upon an earth-shattering feeling of passion
before I met you

I thought flowers could grow to the sun
and solar systems could shake hands
because I thought that's how friendly worlds could be.

When do fantasies come true?

My heart strings are ropes
that attach to people like hooks
they reach their strong arms and latch on
and never lose grip.
When you try to leave
my heart is still attached
so leave now, fast.
before the hook's teeth sink deeper,
biting into a yearning security from you
Just rip the fistful of my heart out
that your rope is connected to
like a band aid,
just get it over with.

Please let the rain pour and the fire burn so that they can show each other what it's like to work in symmetry in collision with one another, as they create a smoky mist.

Please let the earth's rolling hills reach up and grab the sky so that the dividing line will be erased.

Please let these boundaries we create based on appearances be washed way, blown away, burned, and buried so that we can create something that has not yet been achieved.

Peace.

My heart attempts to pump the venom produced from toxic insults
out of its system,
but is blocked
by a steel casket of fear
encased around it.