When did I realize
This wasn't a game anymore?

Was it the steady stream of tears?
Gathering in tiny salt lakes on my neck
Sometimes flooding over,
Sending chilling drips down my torso.

Was it the soft, velvety blood?
Trickling slowly, delicately, deliberately.
Showing me tangible pain, tangible danger
Tangible bitter sadness.

Was it the heavy, pulsing burden in my chest?
Making me top heavy
Too many beats. Too many pulses.
Each beat a miracle.

Was it your eyes?
Your cold, cold eyes
Two icebergs in your face
Disappointment in your narrow pupils.

No; I think it had to have been
The day I woke up
Looked in the mirror; sobbed;
And crumpled with longing
For the girl I used to be.

Use me for whatever you like
I'm just an empty shell.
I have no feelings to feel
No more stories to tell.

Please, darling, really
Stone feels more than I.
Take me away
Whatever you want, I'll comply.

Bury me, abuse me, **** me
Do anything to ruin my being.
You've helped to demolish all hope.
Oh, it would be so freeing

To have you cause me more pain
So I can have the chance to see
That just when I thought I was hurt too much
It wasn't even close to what it can be.

Feel no pity; feel no regret
For your hurt cannot be taken back.
It's too late to save the shattered remains of my heart
That have turned to a scary, violent shade of black.