I'm tired of messing up,
I want things the way they originally were.
I wish things would start looking up,
nowadays anything can occur.
I see I've changed my personality
changed into something I'm not,
Only to find that the new me,
has more problems than I'd formerly thought.
I want to change things back,
I want the life I had before.
There is so much that I lack,
Don't know how much more I can endure.
The shy introvert has been hiding,
In a corner she is bound;
While the friendly talker has been thriving,
offending loved ones around.
It's time to put the end,
pay attention to what is said.
Time to make amends,
and put the shy girl ahead.

The willow tree was huge as I sat under it. Morning doves were skittering across the water.
Big willow trees hung over the water like a plump elderly lady bent over a beloved cat. The Sun was just starting to come up.
My brother looked beautiful under the willow tree, I wished I could be more like him. He stared at me; I noticed the perfect way his lips were shaped. My lips are nowhere near that pretty.
I knew how lucky I was to have him.
I secretly called him my goddess because he was so beautiful.
Wet hot tears ran down my cheeks. I couldn’t help it, everything was so overwhelming. This is the best feeling in the world.
Being in the most wonderful place, the wind blowing through my hair, with the most wonderful brother in the world.
“For heavens sake what’s the matter!”
I didn’t know how to answer that.
“It’s so pretty” I finally told him. “So pretty, pretty, pretty” I muttered to myself.

He would never understand.

A changing pillow, so soft with its yellowness.
A freshly laid outfit so fresh with the sweet smell of babies.
A cowboy swinging with the joy of Christmas morning.
The aroma of baby powder dancing in the air.
The sound of a fist banging the wall.
A cabinet filled with a collection of toys.
A white Pooh Bear smiling at the chair with cowboys on the side.
A rainforest setting singing italicrock a bye babyitalic.
Tweetie, Sylvester, Bugs Bunny, and Daffy Duck swinging on a merry go round.
The sound of a baby happily talking to angels.
A happy baby laughing as he watches angels dance before him.
I close my eyes and count to three.
I open my eyes.
Never will it be.