The same feeling of emptiness
The same feeling of loss
The same feeling of not seeing you
The same feeling of not touching you through eyes
The same feeling of not having a word from you
The same feeling of not expressing you what I feel
The same feeling knowing that you won’t say
The same feeling of not being there with you
The same feeling of knowing that you won’t be there to be with me
The same feeling of feeling nothing
The same feeling of thinking when next I will see you
The same feeling of imagining when you will see me
The same feeling of people around but searching for you
The same feeling of search for you whether people are there or not
The same feeling, the same feeling… but I realized

I am feeling nothing
I am feeling numb
I am feeling frozen
I am feeling unmoving
I am feeling lifeless
Feeling nothing but still feeling nothingness
This feeling is the source of existence
This feeling is the intuition that we are not over yet
This feeling that I am going to see you again
The feeling this is not the end

The firm belief of you being with me
The hope that we both will be together
May be not in this birth,
May be in another world, where there will be no boundaries
Where I will be the first and last for you
Where you will be the first and last for me

Am tired of waiting
Am tired of convincing you
Am tired of convincing me
Am tired of thinking this will not happen
Am tired of thinking us will not happen

Why it’s me who suffers this way
Why it’s me who become reason for your suffering
Why can’t I be the happiness for you?
Why can’t I be the hope for you?
Why can’t I be the life for you?
Why can’t I be the source for you?

I don’t know why I want you
I don’t know why I like you
I don’t know why I adore you
I don’t know why I love you
I don’t know why I miss you
I don’t know why ………

Why…!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why I feel connection… is it there really… or I am imagining…
If this a phase why this is not getting over
Why you growing on me day by day

The why’s is endless?
And life is small
I don’t know when I will get the answers
I just know sometime I can’t breathe without you
And once you are gone…
Once I am gone…
There will be again
This same feeling of emptiness

New life going to be
New memories in future to be
New minutes going to live
New seconds in future to be

Lived in space,
Where no one was for me
And, I was for others

This going to be newness is scary
This going to be newness is blur in light
This going to be newness is motionless in pace

Nothing can be seen
Nothing can be guessed
Nothing can be said

Past doesn't want to hurt present
He wants present to make new life now
And gradually, he wants to move on to present

Cant see present without  past
Present wants to see future
And future wants to let go of past

Nothing can be left
Neither past nor future
And present in confused

In this confusion-
New life going to be
New memories in future to be
New minutes going to live
New seconds in future to be

I do not recognise me any-more,
I do not recognise us any more,

where that innocence of us has gone...
where that joy of togetherness has gone...
where that unreasonable smile has gone...
where there carefree time has gone...

where I am now...where I was before...
there is a lifetime which I have lived in between...

I miss me before...and I am scared of me now...

who am I....do I really know...
what I am doing...do I really think...
what I want...do I really care...

just running for the thing..which is not yet in my hand...
and loosing on things which is there with me...

just a silence around...
and me with me...
in the end...

Weird silence around
Awkward feeling inside

All laughs are fading away
All concern is diminishing at once
All talks are in thinking process

Nothing is been said out loud
Everything is going inside
Speak up, time is less

Don't be nervous,
Don't be confused
Don't think too much

One cant move on easily
This weird silence around
This awkward feeling inside
Is there, from long time...

One can fight with an enemy...
But not with whom you care...
I am helpless...
Confused...
Thinking...
Over and over...
Unable to stop...
For a moment, I stopped...
To see what went wrong...
After all am human... make mistakes...

I have learned to be with you...
I have grown with you...
I have imbibed patience...
And soaked the anger...

But still...
Something is left...
To learn from you...
I am still growing...
Whether this growth will b with you or not...
Uncertain...

Can say surely one thing...
Definitely...
Your state, affects me...
My state, affects you...
Your smile gives me smile...
Your sorrow leaves me in despair...
Your trouble puts me in unease...

I am in a position where I cannot let go of you...
That part of yours...
Which is good and...
Holding on to...
To be forever...

Forever is not a condition...
Forever is not a compulsion...
Forever is not mandatory...

But...
Forever would be our care for us...
Forever would be our worries for us...
Forever would be our bond for us...

Love does not always mean affection...
Love does not always means showy...
Love does not always means to be touched...

Love could be mother's affection...
Love could be friendship...
Love could be undefined...
As it is ours...

Left with...
Nothing to say more...
But can say that...
One can fight with an enemy...
But not with whom you care...

It’s not that I don’t want to be with you…
It’s not that I don’t like to be with you…
But,
My conceptions have made me this way…
My learning has overshadowed my mind space…
My thoughts are altered by others views…
My views are modified with others sayings…

It’s not that I don’t want to be with you…
It’s not that I don’t like to be with you…
But,
What should I do my dear…?
I can’t help myself…
I am trying to be in the colours of your world…
But my other past world still holds on to me…

It’s not that I don’t want to be with you…
It’s not that I don’t like to be with you…
But,
Please show some patience to me…
Please give some time to me…
Please provide me the comfort to be with you…
Please care for my heart…

It’s not that I don’t want to be with you…
It’s not that I don’t like to be with you…
But,
My heart has been broken many at times so far…
It’s hard to believe you will show patience to me…
It’s hard to believe you will give some time to me…
It’s hard to believe you will comfort me to be with you…
It’s hard to believe that you will care for my heart…

It’s not that I don’t want to be with you…
It’s not that I don’t like to be with you…
But,
It’s really hard to fall in love again…
To be the same as I was before…
Its time who will tell me who is the one for me…
Till then…
We both have to be patient to hold on to see that…
Is it true…that I want to be with us…?
Is it true…that I like to be with us…?

When pain gets extreme of one’s hold,
It gives trance,
Makes you experience Joy,
And show what the priority is…

Pain is the individualistic society,
Where you are on your own…

It had been long meeting pain,
I just met him…He was on transference mode.

I helped him,
And endured pain…

Pain responded… You are my best friend..
You make me feel alive…

time flies.. memoir's stays..
why don't you..

phrase of mine says you will..
conditioning of time says you wont..

morning dew disappear..
as first light comes..

are  you a phase which flew with time..
or
are  you a memory which will rhyme with lifetime..

are you that dew which will disappear with light..
or
are you that first light which will also be last for me..

are you there in the distance..
or
are you just in distance..

are you the reason for the smile..
or
are you enough for smile..

are you that person who would like to walk down the lanes of my heart..
or
are you just a traveler wandering here and there..

you once asked,

when i will pen down for you..

it seems for me..

despair is the only key for the poet inside...

or..

just for me..

this reminds me again..

time flies.. memoir's stays..

will you..??

fly...!!!
or
stay...!!!