I always tell you how much I miss you. I talk about my dreams, so mostly I talk about seeing you in them. I'll never stop reminding you that you are not useless and that you can do beautiful things and that you are beautiful and that I like that blue shirt on you and that I like your smell and that I am not going anywhere.

You always let me know when I say something stupid, or act silly. I don't mind that. You always tell me I look nice when you take my pants off. I don't mind that, at all. You keep telling me you don't want to hurt me, or mostly it's yourself. You always ask if I want coffee in the morning (even though I never do, but it's nice that you ask). You let me finish your cigarettes. You hold me thighter when I say I'm cold. You don't get mad when I wake you up for no real reason.

You always say it's okay to come over when I'm crying on the phone because I miss you. You always remind me that it's okay to cry, and that I can tell you anything. Mostly I tell you I miss you. I say I miss you a lot.

*You never say it back, though.

I know I sing like an ocean that hasn't seen ships in decades. I know I sleep like a mother of a dead child. I know I talk to you like you're no longer here.

So I think if my heart was still beating it would be beating faster than your steps on the tiles whenever you walk away from me.

So we agreed to meet tomorrow and I am excited and I am terrified and I am getting ready to kiss you after two weeks and I am preparing myself for the famous "We need to talk" scene.

So I know I should be brave enough to talk about us with you but I know we weren't meant to fall in love but I realise we did anyway and I'm thinking again that maybe that was just me but I'm also thinking about your smile every time you see me.

So we should talk about how bad I feel whenever I'm not with you and about the reasons why it keeps getting worse but we've never really talked and recently we've not really even touched.

So will you pick me up at seven?

Sometimes I imagine what I would answer if you still asked me about how i'm feeling and I've practiced my reply for almost a week now. Sometimes I wonder if you still think I'm distant and to be honest it would be no wonder because I've never felt so detached. Sometimes I think I should be scared because of the fact that the last time we tried to have *** you said it wasn't about me, but..

*"I'm okay, it's okay, I've just read too much poetry lately"

You wear the sunshine on your skin.

i. your kisses are not supposed to be the only thing making sense in this world

ii. feeling your hand in mine is not supposed to be the only thing telling me you haven't left yet

iii. i really shouldn't be this happy about sleeping alone tonight

iv. i wonder if you're having dinner with her again

A part of me knows you're with me because we share the mutual feeling of belonging together. Because we make each other happier. Because we have trust and same visions. Because we know how to fall asleep next to each other.

A part of me knows you're with me because she left you. Because there's no one else for you at this very moment. Because you know I will always give you a second chance.

A part of me knows you're not even with me.