aBeautifulStory

aBeautifulStory Feb 2024

craving you
craving lust
your arms around me while you ******
confusing it with love and trust
craving you
craving deep
passionate daydreaming, sleep
thoughts of a man ive yet to meet
tears fill up my eyes, water in my sheets
craving who
no one is here
alone forever, my biggest fear
afraid of who ive come to be
ashamed
recluse
anxieties

close your eyes and pretend you love me
that you value no one else above me
that i am more than my past
that your love for me will always last
is what i say
to you in my dreams
you who do not exist
you who do not know me

aBeautifulStory Dec 2020

Blue

Mind racing
Heart pacing
Did I do something wrong?

The silences and pauses
Are my least favorite songs

Rationalize, empathize
Think outside the box
Slowly start to realize
overcome negative thoughts

Easier said than done
When the signs are misconstrued
I don't know what I've become
Or if I'm losing you

aBeautifulStory Oct 2020

Clarity

Trying to maintain sanity
Struggling to find clarity
Diving into the unknown
To sit beside you on your throne
Finding comfort in the peace you bring
Silencing chaotic sounds within
I fear my mind is not alright
It's filled with impending doom and fright
I want to be the best for you
Yet be the best for myself too
I love the fact that you are mine
And hate that I am borderline

aBeautifulStory Aug 2019

Confidence

Where does it all go?
The confidence that briefly existed within me disappears at the blink of an eye.
All the compliments thrown my way fly right past me.
I cant catch them; I dont want them! I dont believe them.
I see what I see & unfortunately it's not what you see
because, well,
you dont know me.
You see what you want to see --
the superficiality;
the sexuality;
not the tragedy
not the guilt
or all of the pain that exists inside me.
If only I could take all of your idealizations of me
& turn them into reality.
Then maybe the confidence would never leave me.

aBeautifulStory Aug 2019

M O T I V A T I O N

Distraction, procrastination --
-- too busy swiping, looking for attention.
Longing for love and passionate affection --
-- instead being met with dishonest intention.

So now I write my attestation --
-- to rid myself of this crippling infestation.
The one that fills me with naive idealization --
-- loving myself is my affirmation.

aBeautifulStory Jun 2019

Verano Veritas

Summer fun;
blazing sun;
Screaming children --
No thanks, ***.

Closed blinds;
high minds;
Peace and quiet
MY time.

Dry heat;
mosquitoes;
***** beach
and mojitos.

I prefer
Gin and Tonics,
Hello Poetry
and tons of chronic.

Summer bummin'
Fine with me --
Avoid discomfort
& be happy!

aBeautifulStory Jun 2019

All of Me

I gave you all of me…
… and you rejected me.

I kissed you with meaning.
Enhanced your fantasies.
I catered to your needs.

I sat by and let you live
let you have something to miss
yet we still come back to this.

In bed at night I cry
I worked too hard this time
to prove to you, you’re mine.

Your heart is too **** tough.
I’m definitely not good enough.
I gave you all my love, and in *** you repaid – rough.

I’ve learned now not to give.
You give to be deceived.
I am foolish to have believed
that the one who’d steal your heart would be me.