As the spider-like arms clatter across
and the rounded keys are depressed with learned accuracy
a rhythm is spoken of the old, rightful ways
through the surrounding din of modernity.

I am the traitor.
I don't believe in god, and
I especially don't believe in organized religion.
In fact, I find it irrational
and self-serving.
So why do tears spring to my eyes
as I think of the birth of
a baby I don't believe even existed?
It's not about the baby.  Or the priests.
I may go to hell for saying it,
but they don't matter.  At all.

No, it's about walking down a brick sidewalk
along a cobblestone street
arm-in-arm with a loved one,
Seeing the ancient stone churches
capped with snow and with candles in the windows,
Taking in the brightly festive lights
adorning fading brick buildings,
and knowing that there's a little more
peace in the world
as snow silently falls,
coating the world's residents
in love for one another.
Even if it is for only a few days.

So, the world is laughing at me.
again.
It really likes to do that.
Most of the jokes are about you,
by the way.
They are also emailed to me,
by you.
I think that you need me,
you said you did.
Then I realize the truth:
I am a dumping ground.
Sitting and waiting for you to come
see me.
Your words carry me, only to put me
down.
Why do you do that?
It’s not nice.
Yet I am still waiting, sitting.
So the joke’s on me,
Your dumping ground.

I heard once that
the lies we tell are less frightening than

If we stopped telling them.
so should we stop?
never.
truthfully, I like the lies.

They allow me to be with you
having the world like of you and me
as a we
the powerful emotion of that fact

Sadly isn't true.
i wish it was
maybe in the future it will be.
probably not, but I can hope
like I have for years
eventually I'll realize

Is this silly lie what I want?
Is it better than nothing?
I had myself convinced it is.

But I can't help but wonder
Because we are faking it
Between fiction an reality we hang

Could reality be better?
Can I manage the words?
Can you hear them?

I need you out of my life,
but at the same time for you to stay.
I don't know where I would be,
but right now you cause me pain.
I want to run and cling to you forever,
but that would just be leading myself on.
I never though I'd come to this,
but I don't know how to deal with my love.
I know you don't love me.,
but have been clinging to hope.
I wander though the memories alone,
but I want them to stop.
I wish this would be good-bye,
but I know I'll never be rid of you.
I will see you wander through my mind,
but I will be done with you.
I wish myself to stand in front of you,
but at the same time delay.
I will my lips to form the needed words,
but I don't think I'll be capable.
I  hide behind these words that you read,
but It's not good-bye I say.

Ding-happiness
Your words fill me
glowing on a vibrant screen
the false light illuminating love.

Ding-sadness
Your words crush me
a realization of untrue feelings
going back down into darkness.

Ding-nothing
Your lack of words
no mail of any feeling
this could possibly be worse.

Ding-sadness
Your problems, your words
friends only known to you
what about what was us?

Ding-unknown
Your next email coming
patiently I wait for it
through the sadness for joy.