Too many thoughts,
Too little space,
Too little time,
To think them through.

They're hard to explain,
In poems,
Words,
Or anything.

I need to let them all out
But they are stubborn,
Obstinate,
They just won't go.

They don't seem to pile,
They just grow.
As time draws near,
My mind disappears.

In a sea of thoughts
Unspoken,
Unheard,
Unknown.

I have the right to think what I want,
I'm entitled to opinions, just as you are,
You can't just stop me from my thoughts.

I have the right to do what I want,
It's my own choice,
So what's your problem?

I have the right to be who I am,
I don't live to please you,
So please deal with it.

I'm just like you,
A normal girl,
Or maybe not,
Who wants to live my life without regrets.

But sadly I can't,
They're always staring,
Always judging,
Not understanding.

Now, when will you ever
Stop
Judging
Picking
Attacking
On everything of me?

I feel the hot tears
About to explode
And stream down like a river
And I don't get why.

I've got to tell my senses to
Stop
They ***** my emotions,
They ***** everything up.

Please
Stop that
******* up
Mind.

The glided clock strikes,
One minute more to midnight.
One minute more to Monday again.
One minute more to the craziest week.

I hate Monday Blues.

I find I'm not a good-enough friend.
Because I'm too much of an awkward turtle,
I'm a coward when facing life's hurdles.
My words seem like they can't be trusted,
And secrets can't be trusted on me.

I find I'm not a good-enough friend.
I don't know what to say sometimes.
I try to strike a conversation
That I so regret at times.

I find I'm not a good-enough friend.
I feel like I come from a different planet,
A different dimension,
Or a different era.

I find I'm not a good-enough friend.
I'm not resourceful,
I can't be of help.
I'm just a meek little lamb.

I find I'm not a good-enough friend.
I'm scared of things,
Not brave,
Not courageous,
I'm way too out of place.

Oh someone please teach me how
I can be more than
A good-enough friend.

Please
Stop
Repeating
How much a disappointment I am sometimes.
When I don't get good enough marks,
When I don't get into the board you want me to,
When I fumble in piano recitals.

Because I am,
Equally sad,
Broken,
Confused,
If not more than how anyone feels.

But I know,
It's for my good,
You hope to achieve what you couldn't yourself.

I just wish I could tell you somehow,
I'm working hard,
Very very hard,
To be the best daughter I can.

But please be patient,
I'm getting there.

The first time I stepped into school,
Admiring that beautiful wall of fame.
Carved in gold were so many names,
Dated back from decades ago.

Each year has a different name,
Each name part of history.
Shining bright under the light,
Too prestigious and too rare.

I told myself what if I could
See my name etched on the wall,
Nothing else can sweep it away,
Nothing else can wash it away.

But this dream of mine is dashed,
Thrown into the deepest sea,
Crushed almost for eternity,
Something I can never be.

I can't measure how much I've done,
Working so hard to get a step closer.
Each time I think I'm almost there,
I'm actually disillusioned,
I'm going nowhere.

From here I have two paths to go,
One to chase and persist on my goal,
Or I could simply accept my fate,
Give it a try,
Open my mind.
Perhaps that's where I'm meant to be.

My minds says one thing,
But my heart says another,
I hate these moments,
They're my greatest bother.

Is my life a book written my God?
Do all things happen for a reason,
Because that's how my fate was destined?
I wish I could know all the answers,
But I guess some things are secrets for our lifetime.

I wonder if I should go chase my dreams,
Be brave,
Be bold,
Be ridiculed at.

What if I grow to love my fate,
Loving,
Sharing,
Caring for others.

Is this the place that's meant for me?
I don't know the answer,
And I'll never know.

But how about the names in gold
And everything that seemed perfect to me?
To go forth and chase my dreams,
Or to just accept
My fate?