I'm different from
what I think you think I am
and never will be.

So leave me alone.
I am not here to fulfill
your blind fantasies.

I recognize
the song you're listening to.
I can hear it
humming out of your headphones
when you're sitting
on the chair next to me.

It's the same song
you've sung to me
on our second date,
in that restaurant
near the river.

It's the exact same song.
Or was that "Jeremy"?
Does it mean anything to you?
You don't seem to remember
(and neither do I, apparently),
it's become just some random song to you.
Maybe it always has been.

It's the same song
you used to sing whenever
you were in the mood to sing it.
You've sung it,
sitting on the sidewalk,
shouting it out to the world
with your headphones still on.

You didn't care about what
people would think.
You simply sat there
and sung,
texting me about it right away
-- my curb romantic.

If it hadn't been you,
I might have been embarassed,
but I never was.
It always made me smile,
even though the people
stopped and stared at us.

I loved your little craziness.
Sometimes I miss it so much it hurts.
It hurts, so that I can't breathe.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
(But I don't want you back.)

I'm safe in this place,
but then again I feel that
I don't belong here.

I tend to push away
what comes too close to me.
I know I will regret it,
though I just let it
happen, I always do.

I don't know what it means.

Are things going too fast,
or is it me, who is too slow again?
Every now and then
I feel that I can't keep up
with the world
it's spinning so fast.
I can't keep up
with my thoughts,
they spin too fast,
without any clear direction.
My heart needs protection,
my head just implodes.

I have this evil fire
within me,
its screams frantically,
I can't control it.
I reject,
I reject,
I reject until there's
nothing left to reject,
until there are only
things to regret.
I own a collection
of those regrets,
they are staring at me,
lustfully,
from the dusty shelves
of my better self.

I don't know what it means.

There are too many things
that went wrong.
I've never grown strong
enough to fight this fire.
It suffocates and burns
until my pain turns
into disgust.
I don't even trust
myself, so how can I
trust you?

What was close split,
and there is not a bit
that stayed.
This puts gasoline
on my fire.
I really admire
how you try to love me,
it's just above me
why anyone would
waste their time.

I don't know what it means.

I'm suffocated by fear,
I choke on near-
ness,
I deserve less
than offered to me.

Exchanging chocolate
and chewing-gum reminds me
of what we once had.