I see the commercials
for osteoarthritis.
And mentally curse this age of awareness
Where we, the audience
are forced to see our frail mortality . . .

One in three! ONE IN THREE!
Mocks the voice on T.V.
And suddenly my chest fills
with invisible cancers
cholesterol, and tumors
While diabetes races through my veines.

I stagger from the room.
Joints now rusted with a touch of arthritis.
My breath wheezes from the asthma
I never had until this moment.
My arteries harden like boa constrictors.
And I fall to the floor - breaking a hip as I go down.
My memory fades under Alzheimer's wrath.
While glaucoma darkens my vision.
And ravaging Obesity, consumes my soul.

I am fine, Until . . .
That gentle voice - pretending helpfulness
Maliciously whispers
In my inner ear
And suddenly my world is shaken to the roots

In the smoke of its lies I am almost convinced.

My friends are
Untouchable strangers
Who only tolerate my presence
because telling me to *******
Would be awkward for them.

My intelligence dissolves
Until I am nothing more
Than the fool that inspired
every blond joke ever invented.

I become a nuisance
Even to myself
And wonder why I should
even bother
Trying to make it to 50

Sometimes I try to fight back,
Using reason and light humor
To beat back the dark monster.
But even though I can usually force it
back into its dank hole,
It mocks me while backing off
And shoots a parting remark before
Sliding into the depths
To await its next opportunity at my sanity.
And I am left
hurt and confused.
Trying to clean the doubt out of my mind
As if it were a small bird rescued from an oil spill.

The sane wonder if they are crazy
The crazy try to prove they are sane

I hope to God I get another chance
After this life has served it's last
Just one go 'round isn't enough
To try every road I happen to pass

When we get to Heaven,
- I hope that Heaven is there
But just as much I need to have
An exit to earthbound stairs.

This life already has become a web
From all the chances I wanted to take
I couldn't leave well enough alone
So brace for the gossip at my wake

Maybe this isn't my first time out
Perhaps a challenge is what I asked?
It would explain the awkward hell I've raised
Out of these normal everyday tasks

I guess the challenge isn't over yet
since it appears I haven't died
So I might as well rough-it some more
There must be more out there to try...

If I do get another go
after this life start its decay
I hope that I can recall it well
I don't want my memories blown away

But maybe that is why we dream
those are fragments of days gone by
The petal stains of our previous lives
Pressed between the pages we live and die

Tip the glass to my lips.
Cunning eye and trembling fingers
watch the sick-green liquid slide
passed clenched white teeth.
They stain with the flow
Across the tongue and Down, Down, Down,
into my very soul.
My chest hitches.
I cough in surprise
- or pain.
You cannot tell for sure . . .
Our eyes lock,
Surprised wonder meets lusting orbs of excitement.
As the burning courses through my limbs
You lean closer, intent on every agonized detail.
A wicked grin chases across your face
when the tremors finally cease.
My head falls back.
The world goes black.
And then . . . at last - there's peace.

Deep inside the mountain's woods,
Where human eye will never see...
My heart was caught by the Gularbeast,
But his was not by me

I first saw him there, down by the stream,
Looking fierce, and proud, and free
And I made a vow that some way, somehow,
I'd make him fall for me.

A month and a year, I followed him here
Where the mountain meets the sea.
And despite my constant shower of praise;
The beast cares not for me.

In desperation I seized him fast,
And bound him 'round the knees
So I could force him to look my way,
And beg him to acknowledge me.

When my loving entreaties were depleted,
Gularbeast shook his mane and bleated
And I was dismayed, my love defeated.
To know he felt naught for me.

So with breaking heart, and trembling hands
I did my love set free.
Not a backward glance, but a kick to the pants
Was his departing gift to me...

Something is off.
I don't belong here,
Maybe I never did.
Everything hurts
And I just want to die.
Not suicide . . .
But to just lie down
And stop . . .
My will to keep going
is almost sapped anyway
What is wrong with me?
What did I do?
Never mind.
I don't even want to know.
I'm just tired
of being ****** over
By everyone.

You long to fill the ache in your soul.
You fear to speak to your friends;
Lest they judge, scoff, or shun you for it.
Your body cries out to be comforted.
Just the touch of another human being
would lessen the pain.
But you fear to reach out,
lest someone calls you crazy.
Nothing cures forever
and the dull void makes you its *****.
Until even the bullet,
the bridge over the river,
the drugs,
the rope,
the blade . . .
Looks like your only friend.
For what is life without purpose?
And what is purpose but the need to be needed?

Nothing is familiar

Yet . . .

It is Home.

It's okay, I understand,
If you hesitate to touch my hand.
Run your eye across my form.
This body, my spirit, does not warm.
Press your ear against my chest,
It will not rise to your caress.
Shout my name in my ear,
Your beautiful voice I can not hear.
Kiss my earth caked finger-tips,
I will not answer with my lips.
Seize my shoulders, with all your might,
Shake them - it won't return my sight.
Wherever you choose to take this husk.
Mother Nature will make it rust.
It is not me, so I won't care
If in grief you leave it there.
So walk away for now my friend.
My spirit will meet you in the end.

I have this friend monstrosity
He is the worst of company
Each morning when from bed I rise
His snaggled grin greets my eyes.
Together we clump down the stairs
I brush my teeth, he sheds some hair.
Next our breakfast we partake,
Mine is pancakes, his is steak.
We go outside to attend the chores,
He dawdles away until half past four.
I begrudgingly take him to the park.
And let him loose until almost dark.
When I call him back to take him home
I am greeted by snarling, blood chilling moans.
Getting him back to the yard is a fight.
My only blessing is he's afraid to bite.
Once in the house he must be cleaned
That is when he gets real mean.
Keeping him in the tub is a life or death struggle
He likes dunking my head until he sees bubbles.
Once cleaned and fed I bid him good night.
His howls keep me up for most of the night.
I have this friend monstrosity,
Would you kindly steal him away from me?

Take me back!
I wish to go home!
I don't know where you stole me from;
But you shouldn't have taken me in the first place.
You can't make me behave in a civil fashion
And I refuse to abide by your social norms.
What notion told you that I would enjoy this?
You should have left me to my own devices.
My barbaric style was enough to keep me happy.
Now I am ruined!
Too wild to be civilized
And to civilized to be wild.
What have you done?

Sometimes I catch myself thinking of you.
The way you held me captive with your stories.
The ridiculous ways you made me laugh.
The simple pleasure of your company.
But something happened.

Sometimes I remember the way you held me.
The scent of your skin is still maddening,
As is the memory of your hair.
I often professed a love for you.
To which you would reply - off handedly I now realize.

Sometimes I think of the way you dissed your ex.
You would pointedly ignore, to discipline his tardiness.
And once you had gone you answered my own words
With a curt 'too busy, can't talk right now.'
What did I do, that you are afraid of me?

Before you left you often asked, in a wistful sigh
'Now what am I going to do with you?'
Am I just some stray dog for you to drown?
I ain't your **** prison *****!
Why did you use me like that?

I hear you now, across the globe.
You profess how you always try to show kindness.
And are quick to moan about how others take advantage of you.
*****! I hiss through venomous fangs spawned in your honour.
How dare you gloat, when you use your friends like welfare checks.

Sometimes I remember how I used to think of you.
And my heart sickens to acknowledge my foolishness.
I hate you, because you gave me a reason to hate myself.
You ruined me, my friend!
I was perfectly content before, why did you want to destroy me?

My heart swelled with desire
For the Beast of the Wildlands
That lurked among the forested mountains.
For just a moment as it crested the rock
Its great shaggy head turned and stopped
and its golden eyes blazed indifferently through my soul
Before it turned and loped beyond the horizon.
And I made a secret vow
to follow the Beast
to the ends of the earth - if needed.
And prove my love for him somehow.
And so I traipsed along the path
Following behind the great footfalls of my adored
Who took no notice,
Or just never cared
For the tiny mortal singing in its shadow.
Days turned into years somehow
and I still kept my vow.
Now shadows flit before my eyes
And my songs of love are broken cries.

I wish I could
take you to a place
Where
I could hold
Your hand
In Public
And no one
would care . . .