Like someone hit a baseball into your throat,
as it travels slow like molasses down the esophagus.
Then it just lurks in there for a while,
until it reaches your stomach
And once it's there, it remains.
It grows long spikes,
and longer those grow,
then they churn in the basket of your tummy.
Ripping apart each entity while it resides.

Eventually it vacates,
only to lurch back into your system,
reverting back to old ways.

It poisons your thoughts;
it fills your head,
and it expands until you blow up on someone.
That's about how it feels.

You make me look stupid when I drool thinking about you,
It seems you have no problem running through my mind.
Are you running, or just skipping in there?
Or maybe your shoelaces are untied?
Because something tickles that makes me wanna laugh,
When you prance all over my thoughts, my other half.

You come through my doors: without a knock,
Never even a warning.
Crawling through my eyelids,
And fizzing down out of my mouth.

Reality is hostile.
It isn’t set in stone but it is written in ink,
Easily smudge-able and difficult to interpret.
Personality is rude.
It comes and goes as it pleases,
Without posing for pictures or saying goodbye.

Wit is forlorn.
Never quite certain are the wise,
And boasting of answers are the foolish.
Beauty is evil in disguise.
Veiling the insides of the honest,
Uncovering the lies of the cowards and the tricks,
So the opposites may be seen.

And so it’s hard to find someone like you,
Who is all that’s hard to find.
A real kind of entity, who opposes all transparency.
A true beauty with no disguise, rather a virtue not to feminize.
A person with that on inside and out.

**That is why I Love You.

The only thing I have that’s push to start is my dryer,
But the only thing we need right here is love,
We never have to go out,
Cause we can cook each other food,
And we’ll never need new clothes,
Because I like the way you look just in your skin,
And I don’t need no railings,
Cause you know how to hold me,
We won’t need nothing more,
Than me & you.

Me & you are gonna see the world together,
Together we’ll change the world forever,
People will be jealous when they realize they can never be us,
But they’ll still come over all the time,
Just to see us.
Me & you; there’s nothing more anyone could ask for.

And when we get old,
We’ll tell them all our secrets,
We’ll teach them all about their past and their futures,
We’ll tell them how we met, how we fought, how we laughed,
How we cried, how we made it,
And that we’ll always be,
Because without You there’s no Me.

This time it was more than pillow talk
It was more like word *****
By the time 5am rolled around we had already discussed so many things
We wondered what our lives would be like if we hadn’t gotten on that bus
We pondered life without each other
We were together able to think impulsively
About us down the road
About a beautiful family waiting for us far away
We remained in the fantasy world of “what ifs” and “maybes” all night long
I liked it there
I liked imagining my world with him
Without him
Married to him
Never meeting him
We talked about past relations
I kept asking him questions
I could feel myself acting like one of those annoying girls in the movies
But I couldn’t help it
I just kept asking
And he kept answering
He was honest
He was always honest with me
But then I was hearing answers I didn’t like
And microscopic streams of tears ran down my cheeks
I was realizing how in love I was
And how his love might not amount to mine
I knew he loved me but I couldn’t stop thinking about it
Sometimes it scares me how much I love him
So I whispered to him that I never wanted us to end
And he said all we can do is try

It had to be the kinda night you’re waiting for all afternoon,
You’ve kept busy but nothing will take your mind off of him,
Even the biggest disappointment couldn’t keep you upset,
After all you two have been through,
These are the summer nights you dream of,
These are the nights you live for,
You’re finally living the way you never thought you would,
Everything has fallen into place.

Tonight I could’ve fell asleep in the arms of the man I love,
The key word is could’ve because I didn’t,
Maybe it was because I liked the way his heart danced beneath his chest,
Or maybe it was because gazing into his eyes was more peaceful than the best sleep I could dream of.

Looking at him was one thing,
But touching him felt like the first touch every time,
When I touched him it was like he was off limits but nobody could stop me,
It made me never wanna let him go.
He might wonder why I hold on so tight but I think he has to know.

No one else could hold his baby the way he did,
He held her like she meant the world to him,
And sometimes they’d look at each other calmly in silence
But his eyes would be whispering, “I love you,”
It sounds crazy, corny, cheesy,
But I swear his eyes could talk.

The bark is the mistakes along the way,
The squirrel holes are the passed up opportunities,
The twigs are failed attempts,
But despite all this there are thick healthy branches,
That couldn't be made possible without all its other parts.

I'd hate to recognize how good this is because then I'll know what I'm missing when it's over,
And I don't wanna admit you're perfect for me because that implies no one else can measure up,
And that's scary because if it ends then it'll be like the floor is ripped from under my feet,
Because then you can be with whomever you meet...

To be continued...

The sun rises each morning,
Just remember the night will fall.
Every dream had you,
All plans led to you,
Why couldn't you see?
That you were my shadow.

Our fingers locked,
Our heads held high,
You were my everything,
Why couldn't you see?
That you were my shadow.

We shared the same thoughts,
We so easily ******...the rest of the world.
1.2.3.4 months later,
We changed so much,
We became each other.
We couldn't look back; nothing mattered.

Then everything crumbled,
Everything came tumbling down,
I was left with nothing to protect me from the sun.
It was like sunglasses with no lenses,
It was like an umbrella without a dome.

My shadow faded, the day was done.
And now I see the sun.

When denial isn't covering anything,
Everyone can see the truth,
They see right through your smiles.
You can't stop thinking about that last night,
It was long,
It was great.
But now you're dwelling.
You miss me.

Everything reminds me of you,
Everything smells just like you,
I got that taste that tastes like you,
But everytime...it slips away.

I miss you.
But things will never be the same,
I held you so close,
We kissed for so long,
You knew everything,
But something went wrong.
I miss you.

As I lay right here,
I could think about you for hours,
Thoughts wandering,
But never repeating,
Everything is changing,
Everything is a blur,
But one thing is remaining,
This I know,
I wanna be in your arms forever,
Never let me go,
I want you to hold me tighter,
Never let me go,
Cause everything is right,
When I'm with you.

I can deal with all your *******,
I can handle it tonight,
When I'm with you,
I feel so much happier being free,
But all of this is changing much too fast for me.

I didn't realize what I lost,
Didn't realize what we had,
I didn't know how it would feel,
But after I shoved you away,
After you said you're "a-ok,"
Now all I want is you,
Now I got it straight,
This I know.

Ever since I was three,
There was nothing that could scare me,
You’d get more excited than I ever could,
But I’d be sitting right beside you just to see how it looked,
****-o-lanterns, dummies, ghouls in the microwave,
My birthdays were only special cause you made them that way.
No, it was never even close.
I like spending time with you the most.

I don’t know when, and I don’t know why,
But you knew I always had to cry,
Holding me in your arms, and not too many questions,
Cause you pulled me off the ouch,
Wiped away my tears,
And with those cookies subsided all my fears,
Don’t think I ever told you,
But I think it’s worth knowing,
That it was never even close,
I like my time with you the most.

No one ever tells you,
And that’s why I am,
It always made me happy when you’d tuck me in bed,
You noticed the numbers on the clock,
And you’d somehow make that obsession of mine into normal talk.

Your age is nothing to fear,
No one can guess within twenty years,
And I love looking just like you,
Cause  I know everyone says you’re pretty,
Now I think you know:
It was never even close, I like my time with you the most.

I miss what we apparently never had,
I don't know what I was thinking when I told you how I felt,
I guess I thought your heart would melt,
But you were too proud,
I liked it better when I didn't know what we were,
When I still had hope for what we could be, what we might be.

I always thought ignorant was the worst thing I could be,
But now that I know what's real I feel ******* (for lack of a better word) than ever.
The truth has never felt so cold and blunt.
I know what you felt was real.
It wasn't a mistake, and it wasn't a waste of time,
Soon you'll realize there's no time to waste.
This is what we've been waiting for.

Just a way.
Away.
Away from you, away from me.
Being away is like starting off fresh,
Like hopping out of a steaming shower in the dead of winter,
That wave of coldness, unfamiliarity.

Like, you’re naked,
It’s lonely, but it’s you.
It’s like, you know it’s better but now you have to warm up to the differences,
All the differences;
Meeting new people is like drying your hair,
At first we want to seem collected,
But later when we feel comfortable,
We let them see our wet hair,
Our wild side,
What’s underneath all the beauty,
What’s natural,
What’s real,
With what you wish you could have started.

Still you.
Only better,
Natural,
Open,
Free even.

Free to say what you want,
Do what you like,
Act as you choose.

Shivering is like finally being able to cuddle up next to someone,
Not worried about if you’ll snore or drool on the way into your slumber,
It’s being comfortable where you are, seems a paradox.
Shivering is what you do without thinking,
It’s how your body reacts before you take control,
It brings a body comfort,
When you cuddle with another being it’s as if you’re allowing them to take you over,
In a good way of course,
You feel like your world is complete,
Like if it ended nothing would change,
The arms wrapped around all of you become your walls,
And nothing can get you while inside.
You can live without them,
But feeling the warmth and life in someone is enough to sustain you,
Once you leave that bed, once you stop shivering,
You realize you are your own warmth.

I don’t know how to feel about anything anymore,
I just don’t,
It’s neither here nor there,
Not hidden just never gotten to,
I can never fully open up to anyone,
But then again who really can?

Sometimes I feel empty,
But I soon remind myself how selfish it is to feel that way,
How much suffering there is in the world,
How much I have to be thankful for,
But it’s not the things I have that make me happy,
It’s the people I know and the connections I have.

The only sadness I harness commences from the loss of human contact,
With the loss of a friend,
Being away from family,
Feeling like we’ll never be the same again,
No matter what it’s like I can always be to blame,
For something.

For not stopping what’s wrong,
For not doing what’s right,
It’s always a matter of what’s next,
Who’s next.

Sometimes I feel tears coming on,
But I don’t let them come out,
My chest tightens,
I feel weak; and the sick cycle perpetuates.

But I know it’s nothing out of the ordinary,
Everyone must feel this way,
All people are the same,
I wish they would realize that.

Maybe I am an idealist,
But at least I have a vision,
A vision similar to King’s,
More demanding but less articulated,
I have a dream that one day everything will be ok,
Everything.
I know that can happen.

But they say I’m different,
They mean it in a good way,
So I take it as a compliment,
I’m too shy to ask for clarification,
In fear that I might seem conceited,
Asking to hear more about myself,
Today though, I asked.

He said it’s because I’m not like anyone else,
Well. That certainly didn’t answer my question,
And even if it did, it didn’t make me feel any better,
After all everyone is different from everyone else.

No one thinks the same way,
No one has all the same experiences,
Nor do they formulate the same reactions or reflections,
I believe that if I had started dictating these thoughts a millisecond before or after I did, that they would be completely different,
Not because my thoughts would be changing,
Rather because the kaleidoscope of our minds are always tumbling,
Rolling around,
Re-structuring,
Not in a good way or a bad way.

A beautiful girl walks out of a filthy room,
A butterfly emerges from a dusty cocoon,
Snowflakes fall from ominous clouds,
Flowers spring up from the dirt.

Clean clothes come out of an old, rusty dryer,
Delicious food is cooked in a squalid toaster,
Fresh fruit is chopped on a sticky counter,
Milk is kept cold in a sullied refrigerator.

Horrible people can create wonderful children,
From sins can come forgiveness;
But ****** wars only produce more conflict,
Genocides cannot be justified.

Not everything that is bad can transform into something better,
Some things can never be vindicated,
When the people of the world value peace maybe we’ll stop acting like children,
Like a toddler who throws tantrums,
Countries fight battles,
Someone has to tattle.

Anytime now,
War can be a thing of the past,
We all just have to come together,
And use our voices,
Instead of our fists.

Words alone can get us what we want.

A firefighter afraid of heat,
A quarterback afraid of a football,
A speaker afraid to project,
A musician afraid to perform,
A lawyer afraid of court,
A teacher afraid of chalk,
An astronaut afraid of space,
A hair stylist afraid of scissors,
A bus driver afraid to drive,
A doctor afraid of needles,
A mother afraid of children,
A lover afraid to love.

We’re told we can be whatever we want to be,
But you must see,
That it is more important to do what you want than to try to overcome fears just to live up to expectations.

They reveal secrets to us and through the color we move.
Then you can taste the sound.
Every song fits with every shape and rhythm.
It can only take you if you let it,
But sometimes it’s best to let it take you,
To a place where 
the ghosts begin to move before you turn the lights off,
And shadows keep walking after you cease to move.

Be simple.
Put away your telescopes and put on your glasses,
Step back and take a closer look.
Put your camera away and take it in.
Put away your phone and speak to those around you.
Don’t complicate things,
Never add sugar to coffee,
Be as natural as organic food and as real as butter,
Don’t try to be something you’re not,
We already love you for what you’ve got,
So take this shot.

My face lights up when I see you,
My tears dissolve when you call,
My heart races when I hear your name,
I cry every time you say you love me,
All because I'm crazy about you.

From the looks of it I could die falling from this height,
It doesn't matter how long I fall as long as it's fun while I'm up there,
Never let the fear of hitting the ground keep you from letting go.

Any text from you puts a smile on my face, but I miss your voice.
You on my mind is like me on a trampoline; my heart beats faster and I'm not afraid to fall.
You on my mind is like waves rolling onto shore; they're strong enough to get my attention and powerful enough to make me weak at the knees.