I enter Auschwitz 1.
Apprehensive crunches with every step.

I stand in a gas chamber.
Fully clothed.
With oxygen flowing freely.

I stand on a spot where thousands have stood before me.
But I'm able to make an exit,
Yet I'm rooted to the floor,
Transfixed with horror.
I feel like the last remaining tree,
surrounded by a forest of death.

Deforestation makes me sick.

*

Birkenau has a secret
that it doesn't want to tell.
A broken ending stood still.

The arches.
The ruins.
The tracks.
Thuds of reality slapping my face.

Stood inside the bleak barracks,
our guide asks us
"Imagine what it would like to be here -
What you'd see,
smell,
hear."

My eyes widen open in a scream,
they sting, fighting back at the image conjured within my mind.
I take a sharp breath
and close my eyes.

I am scared.

Sickly, sticky-sweet syrup
oozes into our minds,
unbeknownst to us, so vulnerable.
We are painted the perfect picture,
sneak peaks of Utopia;
and are kept locked away by a camera lens.
Agonised and deliberated over,
by those who seek a fairy tale to repair a torn away heart.

Take a Lollipop with a wink,
Break up those four letters
and attack them with a recipe preached by idols,
two spoonfuls of lust,
a pinch of promiscuity,
and, (if you're really ravenous,)
finish with a sprinkle with insatiability.
Greedily we gluttonous Gannets
eat and eat and eat,
until the idea of right and wrong flies off the end of the scales.

Discover me using your own map;
And pick me,
and make me your favourite chocolate,
Throw away the box.
I'll be your smooth praline,
your sweet Turkish delight,
your bitter liqueur
all in one bite.

Love me: Dust me in a gentle coating of sugar.
Don't drown me in treacle.
Enjoy me: Dip me in dark chocolate.
No need to top me with whipped cream.

I feel my senses sway with the soul of the song,
A beat aligned with my heart,
An instrumental playing for my attention,
its strength awakes me with a start.

A lyric in sync with a fragile mind,
Soft songs protected by a gentle smile
or vicious words dripping in venom,
provoking a flaming fury so heavy and vile.

Music is my transporter enriching me with a memory
it can be my boat, my tardis, my plane
I can fly with the rhythm, looking down at a moment
Nostalgia guiding me, standing proud and in vain.

The bomb dropped.
And I was away.
Your gentle tears fell.
And I was absent.

My imagination was like a television set.
Stuck on repeat.
I saw vivid scenes through my head,
my very own crystal ball.

Your blonde hair, bedraggled.
Your green eyes drowned by red.
Your cheeks scarred with black lines.

I wanted to hold you, like a mother,
andsoftly say "You'll be ok."
But a mother to daughter, could not
tell such a brutal lie.

You've lost something dear,
something close to you.
A vital *****, a part of you.
For that what she was like to you
bonded with you by blood.

The spark ignited,
and issued your pain
and a terrible story exploded

But my lovely, I will be here,
my shoulder: your handkerchief
I know not how to deal with something like this
but my hand will stay in yours with each step.

Your hands are mirrors.
Hide your eyes behind them.
Welcomed with open arms to the world of vanity,
an arrogant grin peels open from your face.
Your background Ignored: a blurred oil painting, timed anti-clockwise.

There's a blot on the canvas -
care to repair?
The painting develops into a framed photo.
Love caught in a blinding flash.

The ink blot re-emerges,
the photo dribbles black tears.

Abusing Respect,
Your eyes undress wondrous possibilities,
Running away from a portrait, streaming thick droplets chase you.

Desperate to feel whole again?
You selfish little boy.
Memories scare you
you turn to your mirror for security.

As the clock hand turns faster,
your body will jolt
at the sound of ringing realisation.

You never realise what you have until you lose it.

A spray of saliva flies from your mouth,
like a anger-ridden ocean storm,
Eyes widening white with an unfathomable rage,
You're like an ugly monster trapped in a cell.
"Are you claustrophobic dear monster?
Tell me is that the reason you shriek,
like an amplified agonised bird?"

I avoid your mouth,
because every time I cross its path,
it spits out vicious flames which burn my senses,
and I fail to recognise who you are.

Goodbye Personal Bubble.

Popped by clumsy child-like hands,
before it has time to float away freely.
I can feel warmth evaporating the atmosphere.

She invades.

Tumbling down like a ton of bricks,
Possessions? Pah! Pointless!
Tearing down my Aladdin's Cave,
whilst I watch shivering in the corner.

I've lost my voice.
Stand up?
Ironic for a pushover.
All I can do is watch.

From the musty antique shelf,
Shining its fake Hollywood smile,
It longed for the glamorous kiss of the spot light.
It ached to be touched -
Just a caress along the face -
Desperate to be held.

I stepped closer towards it,
And in a ****** of light,
Bright milky tears emerged,
Trickling across its hollow cheeks.
The shadow cast behind its body,
Mirrored dark thoughts that swirled within.

The porcelain shell was burdened,
With hundreds of shattered memories
Washed with rich tea scents,
That bore sharply into its core.
It longed for its companion,
That fit so perfectly in its heart.

But it failed to sell me its heart-felt story.
My attention drifted.
Its heart sank.
A fate left to a coating in dust.

A vicious circle
of idiotic vulnerability
that leaves me quaking with shame.

My head was at peace.
It trusted too easily,
until something ugly pierced my senses
with its knife of selfishness.

My brain is manipulated,
haunted by an echo of pain.



My Lucky Star
shoots across the sky,
just for me to bathe in his glow.
When the night's sky engulfs me
he shines,
just for me,
to help me find myself again.



The hideous thing, tears apart my mind
with its savage disease ridden hands.
It clumsily plants a seed of worry inside my head
and offers me a whisper laced with venom and printed with a smirk -
"What if your star falls?"

It's a ****.
No matter how hard I try to cut it back, it keeps growing.
Someone help me find the root?

The **** is relentless -
Questions tumble out of my mouth
The Star listens sadly,
his light fading with every tainted word.

I shy away.
I hide my face.
I brush away the tears.
But My brain cannot stop.

Help Me.

I try to wipe that pretentious smirk off your face,
but it refuses to slide - how stubborn!
It merely slips and sinks even more deeply
into your square face.

Exchanging vocabulary, throwing words out like missiles.
I take every hit,
and note from swelling flames, the scent of your desperation that plays in the smoke.

Failure to sustain your act.
Puppy dog eyes miserably dissolve,
your grin sneaks a glance here and there.

It's time subtlety broke your megaphone.

Rolling around
Inside my head
Twisting and Turning
Etching a Path in my mind
Ideas dragging their feet.

They leave bedraggled footprints
which I can't rub away.

A smile drawn backwards.

My eyes bleed droplets,
Forced upon a sour image.

A smile wrenched open.

My head rolls.
My eyes blister.

That brown, foreboding envelope,
I pull back along the line of sticky poisonous sap,
which reveals the large mocking mouth
laughing at my potential doom.

Water is streaking down my cheeks.

I'm running,
and half galloping like a horse,
past bustling groups of teenagers,
each shameless step taken, I ignore surprised looks,
my sight focused upon a small metallic blue car.

"MUM! MUM!"
The door creaks open,
She emerges, startled.
"What happened - ?"
I shriek back
"I PASSED!"
"Even maths?"
"I PASSED EVERYTHING!"

And she ran.
Arms out stretched to gather me up.
Forgetting that I am no longer 4.
Her feelings engulfing her normality.

When we met, she held me tight.
The cocktail mix of tension and relief was too much for us to bear
too alcoholic and elaborate.
there was no choice, but all we could do,
Was to accept the menu
and simultaneously cry tears of happiness.

I've never shared nor seen such a public display of affection,
not even on a cheese layered Soap.
I will lock away this memory, and store it in a treasure box inside my head.
I will open it, every now and then, not just to dust away cobwebs,
but to watch the beautiful, but ever so perfect,
moment run away in my eyes.

Turn me inside out,
Learn the way I tick.
Unveiled. Naked. Vulnerable.

I am an open book,
You could recite my story by heart,
and be the holder of the pen.

You write delicate words,
across my pages,
filling them with colour.

Unveiled? Naked? Vulnerable?
No.

Take this crown,
And wear it with pride,
For you are the holder of my trust.

I wear your words like a blanket,
Wrapped around me, I feel safe.
But safe upon safe, a safety belt,
which your arms like to imitate
lie across me, spreading warmth.

My throbbing heart calls to feathers,
nestled, cosy, gentle and soft.
And shudders at the thought chains,
Images of rusted, cold metallic pain.

With you,
My heart heaves a sigh of security,
continually in a rhythmical pace,
and if you listen hard enough,
you can hear it's song play in my chest.

You cover my heart in bubble wrap,
and store it in a box marked 'fragile'
and I know if I ever need it back,
it will be returned in perfect condition.

Because you are my puzzle boy,
you solved the dilemma that surrounds my mind,
You saw the clue of our Twinned minds,
and there, we entwined together.

Puzzle boy completed me. And painted the smile that plays on my lips.

I could swim in those pensive pools of blue,
for infinite amounts of time, and never tire.
I stare into the clear water, and I see my reflection:
a bold curl of a smile, desperate to boast its pride to the world.

Looking into your eyes.

I could trace my hands over your lips, which are as soft
as fresh grass covered with petals,
Continually,
and never become bored.
A rich garden of beauty to explore.

The wind stirs, uplifted,  and I feel the petals and grass sway,
in the shape of a secret smile

I can feel you smiling.

Heart dashing, as fast as its strings can beat,
Desperate to catch up,
Breath catching,
Not realising you are on my tail,
Closer.
Cheeks flooding with crimson,
Aching all over from pain,
I don't want to win this race.

I'm caught, tackled, I begin fall to the ground.
I look up seeing you-
the surprise thunders through me,
the shock wave crashes over my body.

I'm falling,
falling with you,
within you,
You.
So beautiful.
I'm falling in love with you.

I smile to see where we landed, cushioned within the grass.
We landed across the finishing line together.

I enjoy the feel of your skin ,
upon my skin
So creamy and silky,
like warm tea.

I drink you in,
the heat gently warms me to the core
I bathe in your glow,
which gently heats me to the core,
you caress my skin with golden kisses
which my skin quivers at the touch.

I curl around you like cat,
nestling against your chest,
purring with every stroke
eyes closed, I am at peace.

My hands roam across your body
I trace the contours of your back,
tingling with every touch.

My Gold.

You spout once again, a ham-handed lie,
which stutters and stumbles from your lips.
But my dear, never again will they feel mine.

Uncontrollable rage shudders through my body,
Anger pulsates quickly through my veins,
turning my blood to lava
I am the radiator of fury.

I feel the power rushing to my hand
and it explodes, hitting your face,
my eruption throwing you to the ground,
teaching you your place.

I am no puppet,
no longer can you mould, manipulate, mangle my mind.

And there lies a beautiful burn on the side of your face.
It still glows with my fire.
No amount of water can put it out.

I never loved you.
But I love the mark I left.

It's a shame no one called the ******* collectors,
they left your mouth beside the pavement.