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97 · Sep 2020
Dolor cordis 🖤
Ana Sep 2020
"Sometimes I feel

Uncomfortable with my own voice

Cause it lost it's worth

In the pandemonium of this world.

I lost the whining of my own emotions

In the cries constantly telling me to pick myself up.

I lost the feel of pain

When I was tired of being shut up.

I lost the pleasure of joy

When it became an infrequent visitor.

I lost the warmth of love

When I was abandoned in the cold for too long.

And I lost the meaning of this life

When I lost who I was."

~Ana💜
64 · Sep 2020
Sleep paralysis
Ana Sep 2020
"It held me tightly.

My fears began to rise.

I wanted to escape,

but drowned in my inner cries.

My voice stuck in my throat.

My head choking on my thoughts.

I could see it approaching,

yet I couldn't move.

conquering my body,

from head to toe.

Like a lifeless soul,

I lay on my bed.

guess this is what.

they call near death!

My soul won't give up the fight,

pushing me to try.

But the monsters always overpower

and all  hope dies.

It grabbed my arms.

My ankles struck with pain.

An urge to run away,

was killing me softly.

Tears were only

that could escape,

seeking for its kindness

against its torments.

The only way pain

could let out itself.

The suffering grew bolder.

The sounds in my head louder.

My body felt heavier,

as if burdened

with its torture.

My pupils dilating

as if searching

for a ray of hope.

But the numbness won't leave,

driving me to the edge of insanity.

Finally I did move,

but the chills never leave.

Every time I sleep

it slowly creeps up on me."

~Ana
58 · Oct 2020
Thoughts unsaid
Ana Oct 2020
I force my tears to fall

By hearing sorrowful music

I empathized with others

Just to subside my own feelings

I know I'm so pathetic

But you would feel the same

If you were in my place



The numbness grows wilder

The more I hold it within

They ask me why I'm sad

Even when there is nothing

I know I'm cribbing over this life that could have been worse

I know I'm so pathetic

But you would feel the same

If you were in my place



I wish they could understand

That nothingness can be all the reason

I take a deep breath

I do it all over again

Seems like I'm stuck

In a loop that never ends

I know it's a choice

But for some it isn't

I know I'm so pathetic

But you would feel the same

If you were in my place



This unending despair

This hollow feeling

Of emptiness consumes me

Spreading like ink

On a wet sheet

Leaving a stain

Making it bleak

Hard to distinguish

Everything seems blurry

I know I'm so pathetic

But you would feel the same

if you were in my place.


My dreams are now nothing

But nightmares

My expectations are nothing

But false hopes

I'm walking with burden

Not mine to carry

Even the little air I take

Struggles to be free

I know I'm so pathetic

But you would feel the same

Only if you were in my place.
53 · Sep 2020
Kopfkino
Ana Sep 2020
"And then I lost

Track of time

Diffusing like the scent

You left behind

Stuck like scars

That never leave

Your thoughts

Opened wounds

That barely healed."

~Ana🖤
51 · Sep 2020
Reincarnation
Ana Sep 2020
I'm so happy and confused

To confess this to you

That my tears won't fall anymore

Even when your thoughts

Knock my door

All empathy is fading

Just wanted you to know

That pity isnt loving

It's way beyond your shore

The uneasiness on the rememberance

Of our fiticious love

Doesn't come in my way

Anymore

Is it what moving on feels like?

Like crown on your head

And no one to bet?

You know better

Cause you did it everytime

Hid your crimes

Without leaving a sign.

Tell me honey

won't you say?

Show me some pity again!

And tell me if i'm okay ?

Or if i'm like you now?

Stone cold

Blood in my hands

Yet no regrets

Pulling me down

Better off without any love

I feel like i'm rising above

Like phoenix

rebuilding from ash

I will rise again

Within a flash

But don't be scared

I'll still be who i was

Just with stronger wings

And sharper claws...



Ana❤

— The End —