I've failed but this time I'll fail better

TRIGGER WARNING!!!

              UP?
What's
   I'm BACK
READY TO attack

Here let me hit you with the VIDEOTAPE of
****

SHUSH ssshhhhuuussh........
I know don't scream
and don't worry I wouldn't want to make a scen-
ONE IN FOUR!

WHAT?! No!
No, that's not what I mean!
Where the heck did that even come fr-
STREET LIGHT IS OUT
HE WATCHES YOU WALK! HURRY OU-

Ha ha, no worries dear, i'm sure he's a nice guy
Afterall not all men-
HIS STEPS TRACING YOURS!

Don't worry he must just want to talk!
You are a very pretty woma-
Oh he thinks so too-
NO! IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE YOU!

Someone walks by.
You terrible youth!
Take your indecency off the streets!
YOU THE ONE IN TATTERED CLOTHES!

Then again you weren't wearing much of an outfit before.
Did you plan this?
TIME STOPS.

TICK TOCK TICK TOPPLE

Well dear times up.
Go on get up!
Don't forget to pick up your clothes on your way out!

Def ear fallen in cacophonous tune
weightless over crackling floor
taming unknown burdens

The windows are clear
and empty
-How to spot a missing soul

Didn't eat til 3
at 10 it’s screaming
-sinking stability

Dear Mama,
   I don't think you ever taught me to love.

With much indifference,
-Grinding rocks

bra down
pearls clumped
eyes lusted towards headword pen
lips parted
with soldiers to her back
she's a picturesque statue

happy doesn't pay
-neither does depression

I told her I loved girls
but I hated her
-what made it easy

Death is so far off
but I can feel it still
-dawning my grey pearls

There is nothing for me
-Why won't I leave

Sad little girls
dancing tiptoes
in a drafty lane
-child's goggles

When I was born
across the galaxy
it was too
-depression is just
  missing what only
  you know

I'm writing over
their worlds

That other girl is gone
Ellis is all that is left

Sweet child
Sometimes its ok to
close your eyes
-bruised sockets

Rushing swell of numb
I'm spinning

Running
Running on
Running out
-Which is it?

the day my handwriting
became adult
-I linked the chain

drawing fingers
with hither accuse
-all of him

Please just stop for a minute
and look
-my eyes are dull

God I'm gone
and so are you
-my bedside prayer

something's gone awry
I'm just not sure of what
-Lost: Something
-Reward: My 1,000 sunsets

on or off
I'm not flipping the switch

witches can only burn
-stake and gasoline

And mama your child is gone

It's flowing endless
but only 1% is salvaged
-flooding garbage cans

girls with lost sparkle
floating in seas of untouchable plastic
-to the over 35's

bye bye mama
-losing voices

something's going to hit
something's going to work
-bathroom floor pep-talks

monsters lurking in beds
with welcome smiles

She was taught to be pretty
But don't you know?
Ruby red slippers were made to hide the blood

it’s ok to love yourself
    it’s ok to let go of the hate
         -what i wish she had known

here is
   ME
one
       two
              three
me

here I STAND
feet scarred by    the    Land
by the    MAN
Begotten by the son of MAN

forgotten by    the    SON
held down by his    GUN

me who has been  
      SHUN

they move    ON
they ride away at    DAWN

GONE
GONE
GONE

They who felt the   DRILL
of the ****

AND you listener can you    GUESS ?
here let me put you to the TEST.

women born without their DRESS
are still those of the        BREAST.

THIS MUST BE
                                             StReSsEd


her life was in their    HANDS
YOUR HANDS
as they dragged her to the        BADLANDS.

they are to blame
OUR CULTURE IS TO blame.

Brittany White
Muhlaysia Booker
Chynal Lindsey
these their NAME.

black trans    WOMEN

she never asked to    SWIM IN

so take my   QUOTE
it's dead bodies that   FLOAT.

eyes downcast and heart heavy
my mother still smiles

here is the
moon filled sky.

this is the town
of sleepy wanders.

these are the
star-lusted street lamps.  

these are the houses
where they roam.

this is the sidewalk
where she has pondered.

here is the house
of quiet lone.

where she has
escaped to the back-porch.

To be anyone else in the world must on some passion feel grand
implanted in the seed of the vast growth of humanity
here i stand
me as i am
   -you can find me on Pluto II

Sometimes the desire to shake the shackles of
soul and sin arises
   -You can find me on Pluto

There is something so raw about poetry
You need people to know
but not them
Not the ones you see everyday
but strangers?
     -Yeah They'll Do

Today it all just crumbled
There I felt again
And I'm sorry to say
     -I fell

I lived by Catholic faith and law
so when I dream of her
it makes me nervous
   -I still think of him too

drip
drink
drop
down the well
we
  f
    a
        l
           l

And I looked myself in the eyes
And found I had run off again
      -Tell me if you see her

Ellis isn’t real
Dissipates after quick google search
But here she breathes