A dark love story in a dark cave with little lights in the water.
Flowers on the walls.
Hands holding.

Sounds of songs echoing.
And a family of sisters and brothers.
Warm spots where the sun comes in.
Lying there.

A teardrop for the other side.
And dark eye for knowledge gained.
Bright eyes for still holding hope.
A stream of lights.

Collecting fallen stars.
Let’s eat them so they don’t go to waste.
We will not blossom but we escaped and we can finally be ok.
Loving in our darkness.

Like mermaids.
Eating sea plants.
Singing sweetly.
But dark sounding.
Lullabies.

I wanted to die soon but then I discovered new songs. 😄
Many came by today.
Even too many to keep track.
Now I just want to be in them.
One after another.
Like dying, in songs.

I escape in black.
I stop everything.
And run away.
Gone forever.
I run till I find a gate of swirls.
And jump through.
My mind is broken.
My body won’t hold it if I don’t run.
Not all day everyday so I try to run when I can.
Far and long.
Till my body is as tired as my head.
And they crash hopefully.
So I don’t have to hold a broken mind.
But it’s never silent there so even as I crash these voices scream me awake.
They try to talk as I’m running.
So I try to silence them till I drop.
Run me over!
I’m done running from and towards things.
I’m done dropping being broken all the time.

We’re not here for a good time or peace.
I knew that even before this life.
I didn’t come out of the womb.
A suicidal infant.
Life is a game you can’t win, only learn from.
That’s my experience…
And oh yes I did learn.
But I wish I could find a little peace as well.

In another world I’ll be that mother that looks at their kid thinking: what’s not to love?
I’ll do things calmly.
I don’t need to break a toxic cycle.
From my family and my own life.
I’m new.
To be able to love and enjoy things calmly and peacefully.

I want to bleed till I’m dry.
Never cry so hard again and just drown forever.

Be a corpse swallowed by the sand soaked by the rain.

Not like the sand that burned.
But let me crawl into the earth.

Walk through tunnels till I’m out.
Ready to fly, away from where my dead body lies deep.

I wanted to be dead at 26. I’m 32 now. Still want to be dead at 26. Even though I did learn, grow and experience a lot. I don’t like life and who I’ve become. 😢😞