Wish I could bend space to match the structure of your face
Untether myself from the ripples that have us destined to be separated
I don't want to be Doppler effected by you, longing for the highs you made me feel
I can put down my bowl and my alcohol
When you're around I don't need anything to make me feel like I'm falling towards heaven
Sometimes I feel like I cant stand it, till I remember you're on this planet

Who'd you lose your breath to this time
Are your feet in the air
Or is the time you spend just spare
Are the notes erratic or have you organized your fall
When you're just wasting time till you fall down
You're a tremor queen without a crown
You're the crust to my core on a planet where no shore meets another shore
I see you over there, but I ask myself "What for?"

You're a woman now
It's the tone of your voice
You don't need me now
It's no matter of choice
You know what's the best
And I do too

Your face is mared with the words you actually feel,
But your words reach just short of the faith inside your heels
You keep on reaching, keep on reaching, for the things you don't know how to feel
                    
You're a letter opener with a dull end
You're the face of stars hiding inside your head
You're everything you've hidden under your bed
You're  an oasis and you're running dry

Just stop trying,  be who you are, without a care, be the girl with the curly brown hair

Where do I seek when all of my friends are antiques
Crooked in the face, a little oblique
The Human Condition is a special boutique
Riddle in with cash for souls
Anything to fill the hole they could not
Buy them out just to watch them rot
You'll see their lives more complex then once thought

There's a board game for those like us
Rolling die and choosing cards
It's much like Russian roulette, but with car crashes and house fires
For some the game may end in a pyre

But if you win you still don't win
You just play the game till your bones melt through your wrinkly old ******* skin
But if you sin enough, you may make the wall of no return, just like the rest of my friends

I don't know where I am, and I don't know where I'm going. I know barely anything about quantum fluctuations but I am obsessed with them. I am feeble minded as I tend to focus on all the wrong things at all the wrong times. I try to be honest to myself yet I always come short. In lying I find bliss I think, or maybe I just don't want to admit who I am.

One day I'd like to be a writer, although I feel sometimes I'm too self critical of my own work to even get a page in without scrapping everything. I'm trying to find drive, but it's hard when all I want to think about is hopeless romantics. I guess love is the ultimatum, and I'm not sure what it is or if it's even out there. I try not to try and find it, so that it may find me, but at the same time I try not to abide by systematic structures of thinking for thinking.

I have an awful tendency of using metaphors and letting my readers know what was intended by them rather than having the reader come up with it in their own head.

I'm in a constant battle with cynicism as I try to see the best in people, but some don't let me see that.  I think there is greatness in everyone but that for most it is dormant, especially inside of me.  I cannot ask the universe to trigger that greatness inside of me, so in a lot of ways I feel I am waiting for that.  However I do not want to spend my entire life waiting, or I will never be able to look back in the end and see all of the things that resulted in doing.

I'm not sure what I believe about death, and I don't think anybody else really is either.  I don't think that any one person can really know a thing, but I do believe in hunches.  I think uncertainty makes the universe beautiful. I feel that's the dark matter of the human emotion.  Without the weight of certain emotions we can not define anything, and with it we still cannot.  It's all feeling.

I try to stray away from culturally defined things and into a world of ideas.  It is hard to avoid suffering in this way, for if knowledge is unobtainable, then why continue to seek it? Because of this I try not to become attached, but it is hard to do that with the tendencies of human emotion.

Regardless of how much I think on my free time I seem to have lost the ability to do that around others in the public space as I'm always too aware of the people around me.  I wish that I could rid myself of my anxiety, but sometimes the common person is enough of a ***** to make sweat roll down my temples.

I feel there are many sides of me, sides I love, and sides I do not necessarily favor.  However they're all parts of me, and I feel that if I did not have one without the other I would not be able to experience the great things about myself.  I bounce back and forth between these things, and some people trigger the best sides of me, some trigger the worst.  That's why I'm constantly searching for a chemistry that does indeed complete me, so that I can be a me that I love for the rest of my days.  I fear that's why I'm a hopeless romantic.  A hopeful hopeless romantic.

I believe in chemical inevitability.  That at one point the universe was set into motion by a force whether it be something we cannot perceive like a god or something that we can grasp like the sciences, and that every little chemical, every atom was destined to collide in such a way for the rest of eternity.  So whether you think you make your own decision about things or not, they were already decided long ago.  Every chemical in your brain that makes up every thought that you have is there because of something that was set into motion eons ago.  We are intrinsically connected to everything around us, for the thoughts that every little thing gives us, and the actions that create who we are and drive us to be.

I'm trying to find a way to be without thinking, but I suppose that will take a lot of work.. A lot of work.  And I think that would be beautiful, but there is no way to do something by delaying it, but my attention span is short and my anxiety can impede progress more than one could ever imagine.

Everyone goes through things that are hard in their life, whether it be relative to them and only them, I think that having a human conscience is enough to drive anybody into deep depression.  I think that's why Plato always said to 'be kind to everyone you meet, for everyone is fighting a hard battle.' I think that to the human race though it seems that these things are largely unspeakable. There's a social barrier surrounding how people speak of their existentiality, their doubts, their regrets, and the un finite paramount of life.  And I believe that that's why we have become to some extent, a helplessly miserable species.

I decided that I could give you a biography, or I could show you who I am.

I decided the latter.

My name is Zachary Simon, I'm 20 years of age and currently reside in Morgantown, West Virginia. Please, ask me anything.

The likes of you like the likes of those that like back like the likes of incestual narcissists
Social bureaucrats fat with pride, well, they're at the top of the pyramid
Nymphos, narcs, all the same, addicts that are only concerned with what they can gain
Symbiotic, sympathetic, and synchratic all built on a foundation of disdain
So life is too complex, simplify the pain
Cover it up because unhappiness is disgustingly profane

So pray to God, say "let us *******"
Then paint the mirror to assimilate
Lift weights, swipe dates, scale 1 to 10, "don't forget to rate"
Because whether or not we'd like to admit it, our culture treats sadism as a desirable trait

Alpha on alpha on alpha, apparently we have all evolved - to a point in which everyone thought the world revolved
If only technology had not built a wall
Natural selection would have it's pick, and the hive mind would inevitably fall

Do you want to tell me that everything will be fine?
That my home away from home will always shine, and when I go home everything will be as simple as these ******* rhymes? (fine)
As optimistic as I'd like to be, the truth is that home isn't always full of laughs and good times
It's a feeling that I would imagine a sunset experiences when it bleeds through the lines
Like a waterboarded painting leaking over the sides
Because even a home is a home when a parrot in the corner of a crowded cage cries and confides
When the people inside it's broken record of a mind, are filled with resentment, angst, love, and lies

Because even a home is a home when I find myself arguing with a parrot all day,  you see,
Home feels like home because you cared to stay
Because you would sit there and listen to her tell you that she's scared all day

And you'd stay to wake up to a parrot singing gunshots
And it's arguments about the same 'ol lot
And you'd listen to it whine after its fought
With the invisible man that took his life because of the gang green rot

All of you post modern girls
Flapping your wings, trying to get some kind of response out of me
You think you'll always get what you want
With your pigeon superstition
You want all the rings and shiny things
It's in your nature
And I wanna give you it all, it's in my nurture

I saw you curl up in your fettered feathers the other day
When the shadows of my figure on the floor resembled a hawk
You were so adorable, big eyed there, while you sawked
I ran my hands beneath your wings and you told me how safe it made you feel when I would talk

I saw you grow as your wingspan could finally reach around my waist
And you became brave and you faced the hawk
And taught him how to be a man
You taught him posture, you taught him how to stand
You got your ring, and all the other shiny things
And when I kissed you among that alter for everyone to see
You looked up and said, the only shiny thing you ever really wanted was me.

It makes me feel scared, it gets my adrenaline rushing, but at the same time I feel relaxed. It's as close as I can get to feeling anymore. The symphonies are like the sweet predecessors of a beautiful imaginary fate. Even if it is a morbid feeling. They say when you think about happy things, you should feel happy. Not me I guess. I guess the two extremes have just collided with each other. My sensitivity has vanished. No feeling is a feeling of utter satisfaction, even if it isn't a good one. Because in order for someone to feel, you must be happy, or had once been happy. But after you forget what that happiness feels like, it's almost like you become a hollow vessel. You're inspirations and your aspirations are just whispers. Your motivation is just a black hole, pulling for anything to surface you. To pull at your ambitions, Who will be your freedom fighter. Because that's what freedom really is. It's feeling. Knowing oneself. After losing even the shallow sense of what happiness might feel like in that open void, we rely on that music to debrief us. It's a miserable feeling, but a feeling nonetheless.

Imagine a place
Suspended in time
Everyday's the same
But we're spending it differently

Let's toy with the stars
Get stuck in infinity with me
Kiss the ground
And live forever

I can feel the mass of your heart
As it pulls me in
I can feel the passing of the cars
As you grasp my arm

Can't see a thing
But I feel your hot breath
And the stars begin to scream
Your eyes are planets
They are beams
They're pouring into me

"Everything before us has put us here," I say
"How I met you here in a sea of people, it's like I've had faith, it feels like something I could only pray."
I say, "If there's any falter in the skies, any mishaps on this earth, that have caused our existences to clash, I'm happy for them and everything that caused them."
"When I look at you I learn more about myself, and when you talk it strikes a match inside of me. It's the warmest feeling I've ever felt."
"The wars, the massacres, the deaths, the scars, the endless drinks at every bar, they've led to this darling."
"I hope one day you can see the things that I see."
"I hope one day you believe in you and me."

Saturday
- [x] Workout
- [x] CVS
- [x] Tokyo Mart
- [x] Milk
- [x] Stockings
- [x] Cork town beard butter
- [x] Nicole gift
- [x] Krazy Jane’s
- [ ] I want you to love me with the force of one thousand winds

Everywhere I see people protesting beliefs
We see no pockets but yet we know they are thieves
They ask where the flowers have gone
But they are the ones holding a flag in front of the sun
We have seen this before, the news shows us bombs and guns

But maybe if we could speak other languages we could hear the news from their fathers and sons, and mother's and daughters lungs
An air they speak that we have not breathed before, unbiased, unscathed from the media and their **** lobbyists
It is a suffocation like no pain or sore
When blue skies are scary and metal birds only fly straight
What building would you collapse to escape this fate?

Education is nothing if you learn from one room
Or one language, or walk in just one pair of shoes

No, we must know what we know not and be who we aren't
When we haven't one idea of what it is to be a whole, but just one part
Yes, we're different but we can learn that we aren't
Just give it a chance, that's a pretty **** good start

Bar politicians and hobo drawers
This town smells like bad history
Oh mother cancer you're growing on me
You're my favorite stock holmes disease

Everything was a breeze, when the earth was spinning for me
Till the coriolis changed its pace, and the horizon seemed constant
Never to be touched by me
Something to reach for, but never to see

Spare me your sympathetic tendencies
I'm sick of replacing me with please
And acting like every want is a need
When happiness is just a mirage
Good thing I don't have a car
Because I'm using that garage to store all my old memories

A box full of unanswerables stacked up on top of my anxiety
On top of the box full of the blood and tears I bleed
And the forgotten hypocrisies under my apocryphal tendencies
Next to the karaoke machine that screams infidelity
How far back do I need to hide those suppressed memories for them to never surface again
What's the point if the boxes are transparent?

Naked day, masked face, no sunlight
Unresponsive love, where are your friends
Preaching vanity, the cancer of insanity
Let's stay, let's stay, let's stay in here forever

Celebrity apocalypse, rapture on, intoxicate
Apocryphal day, cloudy haze, immaculate hypnosis rings
Eyes soar from tiger days when our future was a blaze
Imminent to fade away

Cascade into a passive rage
Unresponsive love enter the page
My words are trailing off
You're turning into sage
Silver skin, bright blue eyes
When will your statue come alive

Tally days, quiet wind, stale stench
Apocryphal, talk to you, old confidant
Your secrets aren't the same
Recite the days inside of fate
What you think you know

Recycled feelings left you dead
Enticing readings kept you silently said
My unresponsive love, please, get out of bed

It's funny my phone started dying after I read that, like it knew how I felt
Like all the things unsaid were now said, but were still unsatisfactory
And I wanted you to say more and more was always too much for you
And it'd be too much for me if I had a filter anyways

Tell me I'm going too far because I can't
Tell me I'm everything you want, because part of me wants to become something you shant
Because it's perfect for you, but I know you've got pockets full of sand
You try to grab on but everything sifts through your hands

Sleep on sleep on, so I can pretend you live alongside while I dream on, dream on your bedside
Tease me until we're unsatis factories

I saw you on the horizon, when I was laying on my back
I was looking at the big dipper, while you were speaking to the southern cross
I can't feel nor touch you, but you're in the wind
And you're whistling Indian hymns

I wish that I could see in your direction
But maybe you are the reason this side of the earth lacks perfection
Would it be foolish to capture your affection and hide it for a needed smile
Cause you dot my life like a melody, bouncing in and out of existence
I fear one day you will crescendo and fade
Like dark matter, you're always hiding under some kind of shade
But you're nothing short of an accolade

I can't find words for your affection
That's why you're the only untitled poem in my collection
And I'll riddle till the day I can grab the grass and touch the moon
Make the world look small, hopefully that day will come soon
Till then I'm just some lanky goon, paining my way to you

Gotta break loose from this circle that controls my life
I'm becoming a relic of self abuse
I want to fall in love with everything that moves
When I love nothing at all, and have nothing to prove
My love is addiction and my addiction is love
And I've got a short attention span, but somehow keep gliding
But I've given up on feeling high
I've felt it all before, and all I'm feeling now is shy
Never wanted to die and still don't
But it haunts my thoughts a lot so
I guess I gotta smash the clock and break out of my shell
Hope for the best, hope it settles the score

You're a walking flesh antenna
And your input is a switch
Not open to interpretation
On or off, what you feel is what you define
Reacting before you analyze
Because when you think
You don't know if you're sad or if you feel fine

Were those false signals that left you dining alone tonight?
Or was every bite just another piece of observational delight
Numb in your insight
What your gut has to say is never right

Being is the best path for your mind
Essence in battle with existence
What new part of you you may find
Nooa min anooa, you're one of many kinds
Walking flesh antenna
Is there an output signal lost somewhere inside that magnetic field?

I try not to let my worries ruin my days
All my thoughts are appealing but I don't know what to feel in my bones
My flesh melts away every day I live in this town
Every blank face and every dim light street light frown I see around

I want you to make me struggle
Everything's so easy, I'm seeing double
But now I'm neutral here, floating in this bubble
Let the narcissism ensue, let me peak, and then I'll be back, I'll be troubled
Thinking about the hundreds of things you never said out loud, but mumbled

You freckle your face year after year until your age is near
Till the clarity of your face is crowded with fear

All your memories are scars of brown
Your face is like a galaxy
I look into it and see things that happened years before, and I could never know what you're thinking now
I could never get to know every little thing about you
I could never know you, I could never be what you want completely
Because that's a question not even you could answer
And it plagues me like brain cancer

Everybody's got a different definition of love
Everybody thinks you can only love once
But everybody's so different, how can you not see the possibility for love
How can you not see that one is not enough

Friends, we can get a long in a harmony of jokes
But where are we when one of us chokes

Down on the quarry, where the music silences
And the beats in between our hearts become apparent and orient
And the acoustic birds begin to ring our ears
When the face of an angel, blinks and tears.

Scatter yonder my feelings bare, barely
Before the hint of a moment reaches it's highest point
Cause I find you more beautiful with mascara worn away
Then prettied up for some pesky bar date.

Sad songs chime joy when in rhythm with the feeling
But every song you've sung is so commiserating, when you threaten me with your leaving.

Cause you casted your line too many times
And you're just about out of string
I've been stringing you on with my ***** paws.

And as we embrace this street with our youth
I could tell you one thing to hear
But it might be a different feeling from year to year

And maybe when age takes it's tole
I'll tell you I've just been living in fear
I've just been living in fear, let me tell you
I've just been waiting for the right time to hear.

What's going on with me
What's this body
What's this head
Old personality's dead
Got stuck up in being you
And now were through
What's going on with you
What is this anyways

There's reflections of coffins
In your eyes
The medallion you wear reminds me
of the wolf in your heart
Grizzly with passion
Will push anything aside
That beautiful anger you've bred

I breathe you in
But you're an airborne pathogen
I take you in under my skin
It's the only way I could let you in
You may be no good for me
But that's something I don't talk about
It belongs to a list of things I don't want to see

You're an Idol to me
You make me bend at the knees
The most beautiful of chemistries

Plead on naysayer
Like the pride of a mouth breather
Calloused like the fringe of a broken guard rail
You're sharp, and your halfwit isn't enough to keep a light lit
But you're clever and you're under my skin with your blood *****
Have you gotten close enough to check my pulse yet?
Tell me what it says, I'm sure it's morse code for something
Because It's been speaking to me in languages I've never heard of, but based on the hurt I've taken bets
Risky guesses better then what the wind lets
If I let go it'd take me back to limbo
Where the rats and the people scurry all the same, it'd take me somewhere, I don't know
I've let you pull me apart to climb inside to take a tour of my heart
To let you punch me so hard, something on the other side would come out as a show of art
Like a line of blow to the nose, the rows of the pews awe align
To make a sound so hurtful, not even your father would turn to give an eye
Embarrassed I let you tear me apart, just because I wanted to know what was inside
I can't say a word, but two, and all they are is good bye

Why is that I feel at home in tragedy
Is time, dark, and silence the only formula for sleep
Is there something I'm missing, how much deeper do I have to dig
Another sleepless song trailing between my ears
Making me feel things I don't
Or what I myself hide beneath

It's 5 hours and 45 minutes till I'm on the other side of today
What it will hold may hold hapiness or dismay
Out of control of everthing, letting the birds play the songs they want to play
But when winter comes they will move south of hearsay
They won't sing on a day that I feel torn and gray

It's all in my head, it's all in my head
I know that I am okay
But when I'm alone, songs speak to me of dead friends and post days

Light a blue incense cause that's just the way I'm feelin'
Think I should hang something on my walls
Maybe It'll help me forget

The way your eyes held mine
They remind me of the grass
Helps me forget all the hassle

Your hearts wearing armor, I can here it when
You climb on top of me
Just trying to learn to love and let free
It's just not that easy
With the way you're looking at me

And now you're gone like the impossible
Like what I think about when we die
If we were to be separated by space-time
And you're your own universe
And I haven't found a wormhole

My temples are turning into ruins
My brain is churning into fluid
Can't comprehend your post modern physics
Feels like I'm being bombarded by playback ballistics

I'm a broken record but I wish you'd still spin me

You move I move, scandalous, something to prove
Pretending to be who is who, who is you, who is me, woah is you
And I’m new to new, but I can’t seem to fit into the groove
There is black and there is blue, and when the sky turns back in lieu
Cash turns into change, and so do you

Where's the light in dark waters
Found my place there in between
But my telescope didn't reflect what I thought
And here we are in the midst
Makes me question the infinite

Your watering can is full of pesticides
And the birds only come in the morning
And when they leave you're left empty
The glass is left on the table with a fading imprint
And you never notice it till the next night
When you're paying with your emotions

I tried to cry, but couldn't
I knew you'd be there, but not like I wanted you to
Where 4 AM feels like forever
And the birds try and start a new day
But that day wasn't sung for you

Movies play on the TV screen
Projecting realities
Movies play on the TV screen
But it isn't your reality