Sinerita: Poems

2.6k · Sep 2020

Wishes

Sinerita Sep 2020

Wishes

Missing you,
Is the hardest thing,
That's come across my path.

First its like a dull headache,
Deep within my silly old head.
Then it moves down to my chest,
Where it burns.

My every bone, cell and fibre,
Wishes for you to be close.
Wishes to snuzzle my head into your neck.
Wishes to hear your voice.
Wishes to hold your hand.
Wishes to feel your breath on my skin.
Wishes to see your smile.
Wishes to talk for hours.
Wishes to sing to you.
Wishes to eat dinner with you.
Wishes to walk to our tree.
Wishes to hear you call be a 'nana' again.
Wishes to try and cook for you.
Wishes to do laundry with you.
Wishes to watch telly with you.
Wishes to watch you sleep.
Wishes to make you laugh about snatches.
Wishes to watch you frown when thinking.
Wishes to feel your arms slide around me.
Wishes to be at ease in your company.

The wishes just hurt.
My tears hurt.
My heart hurt.
Everything hurts.

My world isn't the same without you.
My world is poorer without you.
I stare at my arm.
My dedication to you.
It hurts.

Feeling this powerless,
Hurt.
I can't change the situation.
I can't stop time.
I can't take away your pain.
Your fears.
Your anxiety.

So I just sit here,
Watching the rain fall.
Remembering heaven.
And it hurts.

834 · Sep 2020

2AM

Sinerita Sep 2020

2AM

It's 2AM,
And I wake from a nightmare,
Then I realise,
It's not a dream.

It's 2AM,
The shadows dancing on the ceiling,
Reaching for you,
Nothing but emptiness.

It's 2AM,
And I lay remembering,
How we laughed,
Until we couldn't breathe.

It's 2AM,
I turn and stare at the wall,
Wishing I could see your back,
And kiss it like I did that morning.

It's 2AM,
And I remember,
The way I made love to you,
That rainy Wednesday.

It's 2AM,
I lie here wondering,
What I could do,
To keep you close.

It's 2AM,
I ponder through thick eyes,
How I can change,
So people won't leave me.

It's 2AM,
I have conversations,
With you,
But only in my mind.

It's 2AM,
I lay wondering,
Where I fit into your life,
And what you feel.

It's 2AM,
And then its not.
Nothing stays the same,
Not even the time.

682 · Sep 2020

Superman

Sinerita Sep 2020

Superman

A symbol of hope,
During this trying time.
My Superman.

Honest,
When my world is deceitful.
My Superman.

Forthright,
When others are secretive.
My Superman.

Humble,
When you can be arrogant and proud.
My Superman.

Assertive,
When I go timid.
My Superman.

Regenerative,
After the damage suffered.
My Superman.

Honourable,
When others turn crooked.
My Superman.

Inspiration,
That lifts me after a shutdown.
My Superman.

Respectful,
Even when contempt is felt.
My Superman.

Kind,
Even when you should be inconsiderate.
My Superman.

You may not be able to fly,
But you are the good I can truly believe in,
For you are,
My Superman.

169 · Dec 2020

Siguiendo mi Corazón

Sinerita Dec 2020

Siguiendo mi Corazón

Mi Amor,

Sometimes I don't listen.
Ok, not sometimes...
A lot of times.

Glad I listened,
Listened to my heart,
When it spoke about you.

Never more true,
The words
'Follow your heart'
When it comes to you.

I followed my heart
and you,
to a slice of heaven,
to where the eagles nest,
to the mountains.

Vamonos mi precioso - to where our hearts take us.

Can't really make sense of life,
There is things I'll never understand,
But I trust my inner feelings.
They were right,
justo sobre ti.
Ain't I glad,
that I listened.

Mi corazón se ha caído,
for you.

Its not safe,
To follow the old heart,
When it is sad,
or happy.
That's when mistakes are made they say.

I asked it,
In the sad times,
In the hard times,
In the quiet times,
In the happy times,
In the excited times,
In the contented times...

It said the same thing.
You are no mistake.
You are perfect.
Perfect for me.

Feeling the way I feel,
About you,
All the time,
Means I can follow.

You won't hurt it,
I want to let you in.
Still scared some times,
But I'll listen,
To where it is going to take me.
And us.

Vamonos mi hermoso - to where our hearts take us.

For my person.

119 · Sep 2020

The Great Wall: Of Me

Sinerita Sep 2020

The Great Wall: Of Me

How many have asked me:
Why do you have so many walls?
Never they received an answer.
For you my dove,
I'll answer.

I have walls, to divide. Divide what? Me, from myself.
On one side, there is one me. On the other, her.
On one side, I am vulnerable. On the other, fearless and arrogant.

My walls are there, to provide her with complete protection, to make me feel less vulnerable.

I like my walls. They used to be my friends.
I built them, experience by experience, word by word.
Memories used to be the glue, to keep them upright.
Fear kept the spikes atop sharp.
I feel protected inside my walls.

Until someone came along, knocking at my walls.
I want out, out of these walls.
But I am locked inside my own prison,
of these blasted walls.

I cut myself off from the world, for so long.
Relationships with many suffered.
I suffered, alone inside my pretty walls.
Standing between hundreds of people,
I will still feel isolated.
While she will be the centre of attention.

Many have come knocking on these walls,
with prayers, with words, with lies, with gifts, with hammers.
Many have failed.
Until that someone came to my walls,
and they slowly disintegrate,
with nothing but a presence, a kiss, devoted love and understanding.

I badly want to trust, but looking through my prison bars,
she will not allow me to trust.
She has kept me safe,
for so many years.
She is scared to let go.

One day, she is my friend, my old beloved friend.
Then, she is my prison guard, beating me down, keeping me here!
One day, she will either entice me and ******* me to stay forever.
Or, I'm going to find an escape and blow this joint!

Is connecting with others so bad? I want to connect with you.
Is having no pain so bad? I want to be happy and pain free.
Is forgetting all the old so bad? I want to live in the future, with you.

So many things have happened, that causes her to lock me up.
She is trauma, never revisited. She is controlling and I never saw it.
But she is giving me more leniency, it seems.
Maybe one day, when she meets you and sees how safe I am,
maybe then she will set me free.

104 · Oct 2020

Lost in You

Sinerita Oct 2020

Lost in You

You fascinate me,
I want to be in your skin.
You have enveloped me,
With your being,
Reaching into my soul,
Calming it,
Exciting it.
I want to get lost in you.

Like a mist,
You've surrounded me,
Inhaled me,
Breaking through all my barriers,
Breaking through my protection.
With you,
I flow,
Freely,
Unimpeded.
I yearn to be lost with you.

Like a butterfly,
I morph,
Finally breaking free,
I can spread myself out,
With each heartbeat,
With each interaction,
With each stroke of your lips,
Your fingers,
You push deeper,
Into my cells,
Into my heart,
Into my soul.
I get lost in you.

Like a rising force,
You've released me.
When you are close,
My fears melt,
My doubts melt,
I melt,
Into you.
The gates to my heart have opened,
My ideas, frustrations, emotions and dreams,
Flood out in an unstoppable stream.
I need to get lost in you.

Our eyes have connected,
Our souls and bodies have been tangled,
In Heaven,
Twirling,
Twisting,
Gasping,
Melting,
Pulling,
Pushing deeper into one another,
Losing control,
Been set free.
Don't prevent me,
From staying lost in you.

I feel everything,
Your delicious body,
Your amazing soul,
Your dedicated mind,
The link between us.
You've pulled me in,
Grasped my soul,
Blended ours together.
No longer independent spirits,
One entity,
Pure in unadulterated freedom.
Time stops,
When I'm lost in you.

When we are together,
In any form,
We pour into each other,
Free flowing energy,
Tangled energy,
Rising like a volcano,
Roaring brighter with each interaction,
The space between our lips,
Our eyes,
Our hands,
Our bodies,
Our souls,
Crackles with energy.
I miss being lost in you.

My mind starts to regain,
It's consciousness,
Understanding,
Grasping,
What is happening.
Like thunder,
Starting with a low grumble,
Then a sudden flash,
I realize what has happened.
Time starts again,
The feeling of magic lingers,
The world coming back into focus.
I've been unmasked,
Discovered,
Laid bare,
Your aftertaste,
Still on my lips.
I truly am lost in your love.

It cannot be controlled,
Life suddenly became inconsequential,
When you are around.
I embraced you truly,
Deeply,
I've allowed you in,
You are a place,
Where society,
Where norm,
Where expectations,
Don't apply,
Don't matter.
Our demons,
Our angels,
Coexist peacefully.
The world,
Cannot take what we have,
The world,
Can pass by innocuously.
I want to stay lost in you.

The rare sense,
Of utter joy,
Deep understanding,
Utter infatuation,
Overwhelms me.
I feel safe,
I feel at home,
I feel free,
Transcendent,
Like never before.
It's a beautiful feeling,
As beautiful as you.
It's a scary feeling,
How I feel about you scares me.
It's a dangerous feeling,
I'll wither without you.
Please let me stay lost.

I love being lost in you.

101 · Oct 2020

Addiction

Sinerita Oct 2020

Addiction

You are a very dangerous man to be around,
You make me break rules,
Just to see you smile,
Just to be close to you for but a second.

I take what I want,
When I want to,
But you are making me work for it,
And I like that,
For I know you are worth it.

I want you,
Need to have you close,
I want to lay on your chest,
And listen to your heart beating.

I'm the powder,
You're the fuse,
Just add some friction.
You ignite me in a way that only you can,
I need you to set me on fire,
Come feel me burn.

You are my strange addiction,
And I'm addicted to you,
So very very addicted to all of you.

Set me alight with your delicious mouth,
Your wandering tongue,
Your soft lips,
Put your lips on my skin,
And you will ignite me,
I want to breathe you in,
I want all of you,
I want to feel you in my bones.

The way it feels when you embrace me,
I feel safe,
I can let go, and be me.
Be free.
Hold me close with your strong arms,
Allow me to caress,
Your bare beautiful chest.
Let me kiss,
Your muscled shoulders and back.
Let me dig my nails in,
When you slip me over the edge.
Support me with your strong arms,
While I explode from your touch.

You are my strange addiction,
All I want is to wrap my bare legs around you,
While we burn together.
And then to be able to lie next to you,
Touching feet,
While I run my hand,
Slowly up and down your leg,
Caressing your beauty.

You are my strange addiction,
I'm in pain,
Yearning for you.

Help me,
Make the pain stop,
Only you know how...

Inspired by Strange Addiction - Billie Eilish

98 · Sep 2020

Footsie

Sinerita Sep 2020

Footsie

I love your feet,
Except that pinky toe.
Him and I have issues.

Come, let me warm your feets after the cold sea.
Come, lets lie in bed - touching feets.
Come, let me hear you laugh - ticklin' those feets.
Come, let me steal your socks - i want to see those feets.
Come, let me massage your feets - after a long day.
Come, lets watch telly - playing footsie.

No matter what,
My feet will walk 1400km,
To get to you.
To help you.
To care for you.
To support you.
To love you.

81 · Oct 2020

Your Safe Place

Sinerita Oct 2020

Your Safe Place

The world around us,
Can benefit,
From quiet alone time.

The world can be draining,
The people can be exhausting,
Everything can be so noisy,
The sky can be too bright,
Things can be too busy.

I know a place where you can hide.
Come hide with me.
Come find safety in my soul.
Come find comfort in my arms.

When you need affection,
After a long day,
Let me show you how devoted I am.
Let me shower you with deep and understanding love.

When you need a safe place to talk about,
Everything and nothing,
Let me show you how I can listen,
Let me sit quietly and hear your heart.

When the world has been too much,
Overwhelmingly too much,
Let me soothe you by being quietly close,
Let me give you space to recharge your soul.

When the world is confusing,
Things are bothering,
Let me show you comfort in the understanding I have,
Let me feel you open up when the time is right for you.

When the world makes you doubt yourself,
When you've fallen,
Let me catch you,
Let me build you up and watch you fly again.

If only the world around us,
Can have the peace and love,
We have found.

Unconditional for you - always

76 · Sep 2020

Gentle on my mind

Sinerita Sep 2020

Gentle on my mind

Forever you'll be.

As the lyrics roll through my mind.
So do memories of you, when I hear that song.

My door will always be open to you.
I hope your path goes past it.

Forever you'll be.
Even when my arms are longing,
Longing for your embrace.

Forever I'll remember.
How we danced.
In the back.
That evening.
To the song.

Forever you'll be.
Ever gentle on my mind.

Inspired by Glen Campbell - Gentle on my mind

72 · Sep 2020

Regret and Sorrow

Sinerita Sep 2020

Regret and Sorrow

I'm so sorry
For all the horrible things I've done
For letting people down
For wasting time
For being sorry
For not giving in sooner
For caring what people think
For letting them hurt me
For being far away

I regret not meeting you sooner
I regret pushing you away at first
I regret being scared in the beginning
I regret not telling you my feelings sooner

I'm not sorry for meeting you
I regret nothing about you

71 · Sep 2020

The Truth

Sinerita Sep 2020

The Truth

You have a beautiful smile,
A beautiful soul,
A beautiful mind,
These are things I love about you.

You are flawed,
Have scars,
Have fears,
And I love them too.

You hide from me,
From the world,
From yourself.
And I can still love you for that.

You can withdraw all you want,
I can see through it.
I'll still love you.

68 · Sep 2020

My Aspiration

Sinerita Sep 2020

My Aspiration

I wish I can extract your essence,
To keep it,
In a vile,
Next to my heart,
For the days you aren't near.

I wish I can produce,
A concentrate your essence,
To inject,
Deep into my soul,
For the days that I miss you.

I wish I can concoct,
The same tincture we made,
In our slice of heaven,
To rub into my hurt,
For the days i hurt without you.

I wish I can create,
An elixer to keep,
Keep the memories,
Forever sealed in my heart.

66 · Sep 2020

Youll never know

Sinerita Sep 2020

Youll never know

You say you are flawed,
You say you are broken.
To me, you are perfect.

I say I am flawed,
I say I am broken,
To you, I’m a goddess.

I’ll spend the next 60 years,
Telling you how beautiful you are.
Even if I write you a million letters,
You’ll never understand what you mean to me.

Every word I write, and wrote, comes from my small little heart. Te quiero.

— The End —