Tell me,
Is it a brick block
It it a wood block
Is it a fictional block
Yea i knew it
it's a brick block
My writers block has came back to me
It's only been a few months
He was holding up a house
Well a house made up of bricks of course
And not some fake house made up of great ideas
There's a hole where he has gone
He came back to me
I don't usually enjoy his visits
Unless I take him and make a poem about him
Then I like when he visits
But it's time for him to go on
It's hard persuading him out the door
He needs to go find another person to "help out"
Because Obviously
as you can see
he's already
helped me

Starts with once upon a time
Ends with the end
But what's in the middle
Maybe some useless rhymes
Maybe some nonsense
Or maybe some fictitious character as sour as a bad lime
Or rather a sweet character that gets herself into some sticky situations like pine
But maybe just maybe it's non of them
But that is often very rare
It is easy to write a fairy tale
Just do it with some care
Just have a mean old man or woman
Have a sweet young girl
And a prince coincidentally the same age as she and very fine
And a plot why they can't be together
See it's simple but that is your job to write one not mine

I was half of who I was
I was half of who I wanted to be
My heart was only a half
And my mind was paying the fee

No one understood but you,
They all broke me
And my heart was in two

My heart was whole before all of them came

Now my heart is in pieces
Tiny fragments of shame,
From all the people taking little slivers
My heart was like a running river

Then you came along
You came along and fixed me
You fixed my broken heart
Because two broken hearts make a whole and,
You made my heart laugh
You made my heart smile
You made my heart feel happy again
You're the one who taught it how to love again
When I thought that would never be,
And all this satisfactory
Will never last
And I know this because I've learned from the past,
My heart will soon be in half again and no longer will be
The same heart that it was with you and me

He was the last person I loved,

6 months went by and things started to change,

Twisted words and no more kisses,

Biting my tongue trying not to scream,

I loved him,

I left him.

Dancing alone now in the moonlight,

With out you by my side,

I lay here in unconsciousness awaiting,

for my prince to arrive,

The clocks are ticking and there's not much time,

My world turned upside down,

I loved him,

I left him.

Told me you moved on,

A lie for the time being,

End of the school year went by,

Told me,

you still loved me,

How it never changed,

How I was forced to move on,

I loved him,

I left him.

We take risks because we think "what are the chances of getting caught"
We know the consequences
But in the moment we go for it
We run across the field and hop over the bushes hiding from cops
The sirens in the distance fill us with excitement
Our adrenalin screaming in our brain
And the wind whispers in our ear "these are the chances you'll get caught"

Everybody wants to be loved but no one knows how to do it
broken hearts and tampered minds
I was lost and no one knew how to fix it,
how to reverse the spell
all I kept hearing
"What's broken can be mended but not completely healed"
And I tried to open my mouth to speak ,
but you closed it so you could talk right over me

When...

When the fish start drowning,
When the birds stop flying,
When the plants stop growing,
And the sun stops burning,

When the rivers stop flowing,
When the arrows stop pointing,
When the directions don't help,
And the hearts stop beating
Will be the day I'll stop loving you

The moon killed the sun this morning,
I woke up and found its pieces scattered across my landscape of preferable vision,
it's shining light burnt my irises.

A million little lightning bugs floated to the ground,
tiny adolescent flames lit up the yard,
an explosion of beauty the world wasn't ready for,
but I was...

I miss the way he says my name
The way he holds me
The way he kisses me
The way he whispers in my ear
The way he smiles back at me
I miss the way we used to say I love you
I miss us
I miss you
I miss me when I'm with you

When you know what the scale is going to say at the doctors,
so you try and push your fingers up against the wall so you're a little lighter without the doctor noticing,

Drinking more water that day and putting weights in your pockets hoping they won't check anymore,

Failing to flip on a light switch and having to walk back a couple of steps to try again,

Shoving your body into a door because you thought you opened it,

Pulling a push door,

Watching when the light goes off in the fridge,

Getting electrocuted for the first time,

Scared shitless when the **** toaster goes off and you weren't ready,

Getting into a fight with your microwave door,

Locking your keys inside your car,

Accidentally burning yourself with fire,

Ripping tape off of your leg like you're getting it waxed,

Slicing through skin with paper,

Spilling water all down your shirt,

Being ******* human,

Looking in the mirror for the first time and not liking what you see,

Not liking the number on the scale,

Having disabilities,

Disorders,

Get over it?,

Shut the **** up,

Go eat a cheeseburger?,

Shut the **** up,

Weak,

Never giving up,

Strong,

Trying,

Tried,

Being damaged,

Having baggage,

Wanting people to understand you are not perfect,

Realizing everybody is fighting with themselves at some point,

Fighting their own battles,

Keeping secrets from everyone else,

keeping quiet,
because talking is not permitted and so forth forbidden...

She told a story
A story to herself
And eventually to her friends
They were worried
But she wasn't

She told a story
No one else believed her
But she did

She told a story
She was a mistake
She was a broken mistake
They told her that she was lurking for attention
But she wasn't

She told a story
She loved the words I'm sorry
They would almost fumble out of her mouth every time she spoke

She told a story
Disappoint she thought she was
The word Perfect never once touched her lips

She told a story
Everyone didn't believe her
Then they found her

A beautiful disaster
Tangled in thick rope
Wrists and thighs covered in raised darkened skin
Tear marks stained the floor

She told a story
That no one will here again
They only had one chance to listen
But all turned away
She was a fallen angel
Now flying back up...

I haven't thought of you in awhile,
But I saw you today,
My eyes met yours,
My heart stopped,
And I didn't know what to say,
All of the feelings came back,
A rush to my brain,
I couldn't move because I was hooked on you,
I didn't want this to be round four,
So I finally ran for my door,
Breathing heavy,
I couldn't wait till I saw your face again...

I had a dream I had a heart ache
My heart was cracked in two
But then I awoke an found out it was true

Beginning at the top
You are the slinky
Meticulously moving down the edges of my heart
Hypnotized by your rhythm
Ring after ring gathering at your core
To just repeat the past over and over again
Until it all stops
And everyone can finally look away

Maybe now you'll understand why
I dont question it
I don't follow rules
I dont think the same as you

I wanted a taste of your crazy water
I wanted to see what it would be like
See you drank it and you turned insane
But it was a fun insane
You were different and I liked that
And I wanted a taste of your crazy water
Now I'm a lot older and I know now what that crazy water is
And man that **** ***** me up

Thought I needed you
Thought I depended on you
Thought I had to have you by my side to live and thrive through this life

Oh but I was so wrong
A good kind of wrong
I have proven myself to be independent and strong without you
It’s like I was driving down the highway early in the morning before the sun decides to come out
It’s pouring rain & I couldn’t see
And the clouds lighten up,
I can see but it’s still dark
I can see,
but barely

The crazy thoughts going around in your hotel room
It’s a mad house
A Delusional dramatic fixated being
It was fine until it wasn’t.
It was good until it stopped being beneficial
Big words and lost creativity
It’s fun to write, they said in her brain,
And she agreed
I can’t stop it
It won’t stop
It never stops
Never comes to a halt
My voice and thoughts always seem to be trapped in a vault in which I did not own the key
And the day I held it in my hand
I was free

Never in a million years would I have thought it would be you
The person that makes me smile an in instant
But it is
And it's true

Never In a million years would I have thought I would talk to you
The person who I'm not suppose to associate with
But it is
And it's true

How we got to talking
Well that I really don't know
How we'll ever stop talking
Well that I really don't hope so

Addiction
Noun
the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.

Addicted
Adjective
physically and mentally dependent on a particular substance,
and unable to stop taking it without incurring adverse effects.

enthusiastically devoted to a particular thing or activity.

Baby, I'm addicted to you
You are my addiction  
I need you every single day to stay alive
I need you so I don't go insane
You leave me and I go cold turkey
Breaking out into cold sweats
Not being able to move
Dying without you

Time apart is going to **** me
My insides will start to feed off of itself
My eyes will burn because I will run out of tears to douse the fire

My skin will feel like it's ripping itself apart to move closer to you

I will grow wings to migrate wherever you are

I will go deaf if I am not able to hear your voice anymore

I will lie for you
I will die for you
I would do absolutely anything to keep you alive and safe and well

You
Are my addiction
And I need you
Need you for everyday that I am breathing
Everyday that my heart is pumping
Every second that I seem to be alive

I can not let you go
Can not let you out of my system
Can not let you leave without me
Move on without me
I am coming with you
I will never leave you
For you are my addiction
For you are mine

I wrote it down today,
the three words.
I stared at them, hard, thinking only of you,
I took my pen and scratched it out.
I thought "how could I love someone one day and the next, totally lose feelings?"
And now I find myself doubting if the feelings were ever really there
I know they were there at one point,
But it all seems like a bad dream, and some would say nightmare...

You ever meet someone and think
I could love you
The easy to love type person
The type of person who knows you without really knowing you

Two hands on the bars
Right hand leans too far back
Whiskey throttle
Adrenaline ****** hits the fence post
Wheelie by default
Error in the process
Whiskey throttle
Everything realigned
Restart
Reboot
Try again
Power off
Shut down
Switch user
Try again
Sorry no internet connection

Whiskey throttle
Lost control
Can’t contribute to the parade in the front yard
Take the cigarette out of your uncles fingers with dirt engraved under his nails
Light up
Inhale
Breathe out
Repeat
Exhale
Toss out
Whiskey throttle

Grass stained elbows
The most important part
Ligaments reattached
Reassembled
Ensemble of instruments clashing in your ear
But to the ones watching
All they hear is the motor and the birds
You can hear his menacing laugh
Like a unforgettable business deal
Reach arm
Shake hands
Hold tight
Place other hand on top
One more shake
Release
Shame
Mistake
Revenge
Whiskey throttle

Those words we use to speak to each other so fluently are now harsh lashes to my flesh,
My shield covering my body now seems to be the color of black and blue,
We no longer speak in fluent tone,
For the tone we speak now is foreign to one another,
My good intentions seem to be your biggest fear,
Words coming from another body but all I get are the harsh lashes to my flesh

Make sure something bad happens
You might wanna go to a solitude place
Maybe sit down
Have your heart ripped into tiny pieces
It's key to make your nose start running a little bit
Make sure you can barely breathe
Try grasping for air in between sobs
Have some tissues near by but if not a sleeve or hand works well
And last but not least perfect your make up so you look like a zombie

My job was to watch over you like a hawk,
Eyeing up what your next move will be,
Telling you from right and wrong,
Restricting your bad ideas
Making every choice for you but making it seem like it was yours,

No one else wanted to take care of you,
No one could,
Take care of you...
They saw to many problems,
They didn't want to help you because it would take to long,
But I had time,
I had all of the time in the world,
China's time and California's time, Alaskans time and your time,

It was a gonna be a tough road ahead,
But I was ready,
With you by my side,
I held your hand,
And told you that everything is gonna be alright,
Not knowing what was ahead,
But hoping that everything would play out like I planned.

What's the point of putting make up on if you're just gonna cry it off

What's the point of living if you're just gonna die

What's the point of getting out of bed when you're  just gonna get back in it

What's the point of believing
What's the point of trusting
What's the point of life
What's the point of hope

What's the point of lying when you know the truth will come out

What's the point of hiding when you know you're gonna be found

What's the point of talking when you're  just gonna be shut down

What's the point anymore

What's the point of breathing

What's the point of having a past?
So people can judge you from it,
so people can have stuff against you?
so people will leave you because of it.
But it wasn't your fault, it doesn't matter,

Nothing matters anymore

A million writers
A million stories
A million tries and
A million fails

And  still no body can find the right words to say

Move slow and you can hear my bones creak
I am that old wooden rocking chair in your grandparents home that you used to go to every Sunday,

And every Sunday you used to set the table even though you never liked it much,
Five fragile dinner plates in your tiny palms spread across the placemats
Soon five turned to four and Sunday dinners were more quiet,
If you moved slowly enough you could hear your bones creak
When we didn’t talk you could hear the clock tick
The grandfather clock stopped ticking awhile ago but it’s a decoration now
You grew sad when you would count the plates and your thumb would slip down to the fifth one and slowly back up to the fourth,

Two chairs sat in the living room
only one being used,

The rest of us sat on the off white couch with flowers that had been sewn in, and the rough beige blanket that was laid across the top of the couch would scratch our necks if we laid back all the way,

That old wooden rocking chair pressing into the carpet imprinting it’s legs there forever, no one sits there anymore.

Four turned to three and quickly to two,
Two passed on and the other was removed

Four years go by and the house was sold, but the memories will never vanish

Promises are never promising
Truths always seem to turn to lies
Funerals are for the living
And in the morning when I woke, it was really night

Deceased
Dead
Lungs out of service
Liver out of whack
Trachea contracts
Lifeless

Wake up
Rise and shine
Baby’s breath
Crying in the middle of the night
Crying just to make sure we are still alive

For everyday
We are born again
Born again into the next 24 hours
16 hours spent sleeping
2 hours spent pondering
3 hours spent wandering
1 hour spent grocery shopping
30 minutes spent driving
40 minutes spent talking
50 minutes spent relaxing

Redo
Restart
Reboot

Discard the memories
Settle them into your pillow
Skin cells shed into your sheets
Yesterday’s hair strands weave into your clothes
For everyday we are born again
Peel off the clothes
Rinse off the regrets
Spray on the hope
Tie your hair up in a bun
Step outside and shut the front door

Why are you crying?
I didn't hurt you
I hurt myself
So why are you crying
I'm fine
Don't worry about me
I'll be ok

It’s 4:50 pm and the clouds look angry,
They wanna fight, I know it
Not with me but my brain
They know something i dont

The loud cracks
Whipping in my head, my eyes wince shut

I KNOW OK I GET IT,
I GET IT NOW!
YOU WERE NEVER “THE ONE”

They’re screaming at me
Telling me how wrong I was
They’re not upset, no,
Just- ready to listen once again to my long stories of complaints,

And they wonder why I don’t do anything
Why don’t you do anything!?
Why, because you love him? Is that why!

Love is evol it says so it’s self,
Tears your heart apart
What does it mean?

If we knew what it meant there wouldn’t be questions and concerns,
Jealously, for gods sake!

Stop,
they are angry
Listen to them
There’s a reason they look the way they do
They know
You know
It’s time...

Do not mistake mirrors for Windows,
see you could look through a window and see something new every day
but if you look through a mirror you see your reflection
the same person looking back at you,
trying to see what's wrong or what you need to fix
like a punctured tire on a highway
like a broken heart mended by some other person that u thought that was right,
but you were wrong
You have been wrong and that's okay
we make mistakes don't worry I have too.
But because you were wrong you can never go back
you can never see yourself that you were before
you see yourself as someone totally different
as someone else would see you
you see yourself as a monster
A victim of your own crime
but truthfully and honestly you're beautiful
and if you can't see that
Find a mirror
Find a mirror that will show you that
Show you that you are beautiful
Show you that you are smart
That you are amazing
And that you don't need to fix yourself
For you or for anybody
Because you are beautiful the way you are

We are born to live and learn how to survive this world
Only in the end to die
And think how useless it was for our existence

I want to hear the lighting
I want to see the thunder
I feel as if I'm deaf and blind when a storm comes around
The lighting blinds me so I cannot see the thunder
The thunder is so loud it makes my ear drum bust so I cannot hear the Lightning  
It's a battle between the two
They both want to win
But know both will loose
Because the rain always wins
But somehow they both think they have a chance
But no
The rain you can see and hear
It doesn't want to fight because it knows its strength
The rain always wins
And always will

I’m sorry for ever trusting you
I blame myself for ever falling for you
You broke me
Shattered me to the ground
But I blame myself
They told me
And I didn’t listen,

They told me to stay away
But I said “no, it can’t be true, it’s not”...
And i wished I believed them
Could’ve saved myself from the hurt
But I blame only myself

I rolled my eyes when u left
Why?
We'll probably not to start crying again
I was a mess
No
correction
I still am a mess
You stress me out
You make me freak out when I hear the sound of your cheap heels hitting the floor
The sound of your voice bouncing off the walls,
making its way all the way down the stairs to my room
My heart skips a beat
My stress level goes from 0 to 100
I can't move
I know you're going to come downstairs
I prepare myself for a bombarding of questions and things to do
But what you don't know is I've been doing things all day
I clean all day
I take care of your daughter all day
I feed the animals
I walk them
I do so much and you don't even know
But you came down stairs
I lost it
My eyes filled with tears
I tried to hide it
But I couldn't
You told me to calm down
But this happens everyday
And you just found out about it today
And so I rolled my eyes when you went away

Move your mirror
Just to the side,
The light hits you just right and you can feel the sun on your skin
You my dear, are glowing
And you’ve never felt better,

6:00 comes around and the light fades
You don’t look the same
So you wait until tomorrow,
Tomorrow you’ll feel it again
I promise

10
What’s ten more?
Ten more tattoos is a job application gone wrong
Ten more is 9 to many cuts to cover up
Ten more is a another decimal place on the scale
Grocery store cashier “Ten more”
1 is 0’s best friend
So what’s one more?
One more again and again
Will soon add up to 10
And we’re right back where we started
So what’s ten more?
Ten more times that you will let him hurt you
Ten more is a changed paycheck
Ten more days is a week and a half to get your **** together and move on

I’ve come to realize I might be more sensitive than what I portray, but I guess that’s okay

One mistake
Two nights
Three bottles of wine

1 meaning
3 words
8 letters
Say it and I might just stare at you like you're crazy

Fight, that's all you did was fight
Fight me
fight yourself
fight life
Fight to get through
Get through what
I tried to understand
I tried to help
I tried i did I really did
You pushed me away
I kept crawling back
And now It's to late

If pictures say a thousand words
How come we can only come up with one or two

I went to go get a physical the other day
My doctor asked me a bunch of questions per usual
How many ****** partners have you had?
I answered
And they all treated you right?
Never hurt you or made you do something you didn’t wanna do?
Lying through my teeth “yea of course”

I wish my mother knew what happened

He left junior year and now he’s back,
I dont feel safe in school anymore,
I told her that seeing a glimpse of his face scared me and made me nervous,
I wanted to hide,

My ex,
That’s what my mom thinks he is anyway, only an ex
But he’s much more

It took a lot of time to realize.
I thought because we were dating it was fine,
But I knew in the back of my head,
I never wanted to do it
I wish my mother knew how numb I feel inside
He took something from me and I can’t get it back

I wish my mother knew he ***** me

I wish I knew what he did to me earlier,
When someone gets *****, the body responds to it the only way it knows how,
Naturally,
It messes with your psychological state of mind
It fools our brain thinking it wasn’t ****, it was simply something else

It tricks us into thinking we wanted it...

You make my heart stop
You make my world spin the other way
You make me do a double take

You make my stomach fill with butterflies
You make me feel like I'm on a cloud
You make me feel wanted, loved

You make me feel happy
And that doesn't happen often
But with you I feel like I'm something

Laying in bed
Wondering why "Go Away"
Means come in
Wondering why,
I use to be able to go to sleep without you
I didn't need to hear your voice as I fell asleep
And now I can't sleep without it

Oh but I can sleep fine now
I didn’t need you
I thought I did but I was wrong I was so so wrong
And a part of me loves that

Since I was a little girl I have learned that a little girls voice only travels so far
And little girls’ voice couldn’t be heard over the wind
She wanted to be loud
To be heard over the lakes
To be payed attention too
  
During family parties little girls voice was background music
Little girls voice was cut off
Two words in if she got lucky
I dont know why she kept trying
But she was determined

Little girls voice would become low and loud
And more attractive to the men’s ear
They asked her about her life
As if now it was anymore exciting
Little girls voice grew and grew and she got loud
She had to
She didn’t have quite of a choice
She wanted to be heard
And she was
They heard her
They all heard her
She was listened to now,
and not just heard

He knew I was an artist,
he said paint me,
I painted a monster
Not only in my head but on my life’s canvas
He tainted my blue skies into black
Confused my clouds into thinking, this isn’t what I think it is,

My grass was no longer green anymore
He took my pallet knife and changed all the colors to my canvas
made me out to be the one who looked color blind
He was a criminal
He took me when I did not wanted to be taken,
For granted,
He took something from me that wasn’t for sale
Oh but the price you pay when your friends tell you no, don’t
And stay away
He’s not good for you
He’s not good-
It costs way more than money
It’ll cost you a bad memory
And a color blind canvas

The ones who scream the loudest when born
Weren’t meant to be here
Scream in agony
Scream in pain
They didn’t choose to live
Didn’t choose to be here
But you
You put them here
On this earth to live
Because you thought they had a mission
A reason why they came here
But there is no mission
There is nothing on this earth,

And to who it may concern, blowing on dandelions does not make wishes come true
Just spreads the artificial flower around
Spreads the rumors
They’re all lies
No one has one path
We have millions
Up to us to choose
And we can’t go back
We made a choice
Not the best
But that’s why there’s more
Choose again