Maybe one day I'll feel perfect

When I can put my hands on my hips and only feel bones
When my skin is as cold as stones
Then maybe I'll feel alive
But I'll just be a walking corpse

Deep, darkened, hallowed eyes
So far out the sockets, they almost burst at the sight of you
Or maybe they'd bleed when I catch you looking at someone else

Is it my sagging skin
Or my excessive waste of space
That brought her between?

I swear there was only room for you and me

I wish I could explain the trembles  that run through my body and muffled screams that escape my lips when I wake from a nightmare. It always has the same storyline: you are dead.

"I swear I'm okay,  well I think I am. The blade is so close to my skin. I promise I'll feel better after I hurt myself a little. Just a little pinch. Please. Just a fast and smooth razor against my clammy, thin surface. It won't happen again. I promise. There will be no scar. Stop trying to help, I'm f--"

I swore my veins almost burst into demonic butterflies that faded into the universe.

You let me feel alive.
I'm okay.
I think.

You are my sunshine in the Winter days, warming up my pale skin and making me feel as if I'm in a bed of roses;
My cool breeze on those hot summer nights, that cool me down from the laughter and smiles from that amazing summer we spent together;
The colorful leaves that cover the grass on Fall afternoons, which momentarily rustle in a whispered melody;
You are the beautiful waves that crash against the shore;
The goosebumps that form on the entire surface area of my very being, jolts and warmth are like shooting stars down my spine.

You are the love of my life.

We meet again on a cold September night
You had someone else with you, and her eyes were burning holes in my face from her stares
"Hi, it's nice to see you." You say to me
A sincere smile forms on your lips
You let go of her hand and wrap your arms around me
Your scent fill my lungs, and I swallow the lump in my throat
I stand still, enjoying what I knew would be a short embrace
She fake coughs, and looks the other way
You let go of me, and notice my stillness
Your smile drops, and your eyes fleet to the ground
You're everything I've ever wanted and so much more
I wipe my tears, "I'm so happy for your engagement. I knew you'd find the one."
Your hand is grabbed by hers again
Her skinny pale hand holds yours so perfectly
Maybe in a way mine never would
Her ring sparkles in my direction
The ring that could have been mine  

You fall on your knees, and sob in your hands
And put a heavy hand on my gravestone
If only you could see my true ghost form
I'm crying, tears that resemble those of an Angel's
Hitting the ground with sad melody

I used to be the love of his life
Before cancer took me away

"I want you to be happy, even if it's with someone else." I told him during the few left moments on my death bed.
"I'll never love anyone else. I love you. I'll always love you." He sobbed, and rested his wet face on my cold hand.
"I'm so sorry. I wish we could have the life we always wanted. Kids, marriage, travel.." He quickly interrupted me, "It's not your fault. Don't you dare say it's your fault."
Reality hit me then: I realized I couldn't control my death
The machine that monitored my heart date suddenly decreased into almost a straight line
The panicked nurses fill the room, and quickly tell him he has to leave
He begs them to let him stay
But is unsuccessful in convincing
I smile at him, and mouth "I love you"
And he sobs out loud,"I love you more. I'll see you soon. You'll be okay."
He nurses all huddled around me, trying to delay my death
But I knew what was coming
"I don't want to die, I don't want to die!"  I exclaim, tears flowing down my face
I wanted to marry him, to have children with him, to travel the world by his side, to tell him I love him every single day, to cook for him and to feel happiest by his side..
But it all ended at that moment.

You then put your other hand on my gravestone, and I snap back to reality, away from that upsetting flashback
"I can't do this, I can't marry you." You say looking up at your fiancé, clutching the gravestone as if it would bring me back to life.
The girl's eyes narrow, and sadness fills her eyes
And after a short moment, her face turns mean
"She died when you were both 19, and you're still not over her?! She's gone. She's never coming back. But I'm here, and I'm not going to die." She angrily folds her arms.
You continue to sob, shaking your head.
Her anger turns into fury. "Fine, you can be with your precious little dead girlfriend." And throws her engagement ring at you
I bring my hand out to catch it, and it goes right through my ghostly hand
She turns on the ***** of her feet, and heads for the parking lot
Then turns back around and kicks my grave
"I hope she's in Hell." She flips you the *******, and leaves again

You fix my grave, and clench your teeth
"I wish you were here."
You sit cross legged in front of my grave, and I sit in front of you
"What a keeper," I put a hand up to clean your tear
And you put the ring in front of me
"You'll always be my wife, the love of my life. No one can replace you. I love you."