I don’t know what to write
I just wish that maybe it would be tonight
I wish I could finally leave
Maybe then they’ll start to believe
It wasn’t just some silly faze
Just another strange craze
This is part of me
I’m dying to make them see
I’ll cut my hair
Not just for some silly Dare
I’ll bind my chest
And know I’m still among the blessed
That I have the best of friends
And there will be no dead ends
The future is mine alone
It is mine to own
No one is going to stop me
From being free
So you’d better be ready
You better hold steady
Because I’m coming for you
And there’s not a ****** thing I can’t do

I hope I’m dreaming
All I can hear is screaming
That’s why I’m telling you
I don’t know if I can do
Anything right
Maybe I should walk towards that light
I’ve been through a lot of pain
There has to be something to gain
But I can’t find it
And I don’t know how to fit
Into the boxes I’m supposed to check
Sometimes my life feels like a wreck
My parents think I’m fine
But really I’m walking a fragile line
One wrong move and it’s all over
I’ll need to find a quote to cover
To mark my grave
And really, the only thing I crave
Is to be accepted
But my mind has been intercepted
I don’t know what to do
Or where to go
No one knows what I’ve been through
Or how I’ll grow
But hopefully this isn’t my last rhyme or line
On death row

You knock me down I get back up
I ask for water you fill my cup
With poison and I can’t stand
I slowly begin to feel your hand
Wrapping around my throat to cut it off
I gasp for air and you just scoff
After all I’m a nothing in your pure mind
And I find myself trying to rewind
To a time where everything was alright
I would stay up all night
Having a good time
Then suddenly I hear a chime
I know it’s time for me to go
And take me out of this endless sorrow

Somehow it’s the pain that keeps me going
Whether it’s the red from my wrist that’s flowing
Or the pain from my binder that’s so tight I can barely breathe
The pain somehow keeps me from joining those beneath
The earth that everybody walks so lightly
When everything painful in this world keeps me hanging on so tightly
I don’t know when it all started to disappear
Maybe it’s when people decided that they couldn’t be near
Or maybe it was when I put on the tie
And suddenly it all became a lie
Just to keep from ending it all
I suddenly hear a loud call
And I think this is the end for me
And then I start to see
That all this pain that I put myself through
Is just to hide from the scars that were left by you

I got home after school with a pain in my chest and back
I went back to my room and somehow took a deep breath and begin the process of slowly removing the pressure
Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to remove all of it but the majority was gone
As the pain became smaller, so did I
Somehow the pain helps me through the day
It helps me feel like myself and like I belong
But there is always the constant question of “are the constant back aches and rib pains worth it”
But then I see myself and I realize that there is not gain in life without a little pain

I’m sitting in my living room
It’s a weekend and I could be hanging out with friends or watching movies or anything other than listening to poetry and playing video games
I decide I’m going to steal a car and drive somewhere because why the hell not and my brother goes
“Take the tow truck”
I tell him no, that I would rather not
And he says “it’s just because it’s too slow for you”
And I say “no, I would just rather drive something else”
To which he replies “mmmmhhhmmmm”
As though he knows what I want and I don’t
And then I realize people have been doing that to me my whole life
Whether it be what haircut I want or what my personal style is
Everyone has always tried to tell me what I want but never succeeded
Then I realize that maybe it’s time to do what I want for a change

One day you'll wake up and maybe it'll be a dream.
Al the things that made you scream
They no longer hurt you
I know all the things you've been through
They just make you stronger
And make your love last longer.
So hold in there, I know it's not what you want me to say
But I really just want you to stay