All I want is answers
"Learned helplessness"?
Get the **** out of here
Do you see my scars?
Don't you know it runs
So, so much deeper than that?
Do you get off on
Telling me it's all in my head?
I trusted you
You're making me sick,
Sicker with every move you make
I try so **** hard
But nothing is good enough
In your eyes I am weak
In mine I try so ******* hard But all you see are my failures
You don't hear me
You don't understand me
As I scream into the void
Alone

The ambivalence follows me
As I vacillate between yes and no
You asked me a question
I just didn’t know
The answer evades me

Because the ambivalence follows me
As I vacillate between laughing and crying
I just don’t know what you meant
What the hell were you asking?
Understanding evades me

You see, the ambivalence follows me
As vacillate between living and dying
I just can’t decide
Is it you I would rather be hurting?
The point of fighting evades me…

Look at me
Do you see me?
No you don’t
I’m always the heroine
And never the saved

Heavy is the crown
But I still make you laugh
Doing a silly little dance
And all I am is the jester
And never the empress

Hey, look over there
Now you see me
Oh, now you don’t
I’m always serving up a trick
And never, never the truth

It’s OK
I’m fine
No, I’m not crying
I’m sorry
How are you doing?
I love myself
I don’t care

These are some of the lies
I let pass over my lips
I tell them to you
I tell them to my friends
You know what, I also tell it to myself

It’s not OK
I’m not fine
My eyes are crying a river
I’m not ******* sorry
I don’t care how you are doing
I despise myself
I care way too ******* much…

Please just see me for me.
Just once, I wish I was seen for me.

Standing on the edge
Looking down at the sea
Step away, one, two, three steps
I can’t do it

Sitting on the bed
Blade glistening in my hand
The quick slice, white mark left behind
And then fills with dark red blood

The friends we made along the way
Became the enemies we fight at night
The memories, opening myself
And then you ******* disappeared

The one that stayed
Shouldn’t have stayed…
But he is here
And I am holding on to threads better left to fray