If you were a song
I would sing you

If you were a song you would be a lament
a hymn with a jaunty refrain
a ballad, an ode
a collection of sounds
truculent, tentative
terse
verse

If you were a song
you would follow the valleys
the lakes and the wooded glades
If you were a song
you would bounce off the clouds
and be whisked away
by a passing stray

If you were a song
you wouldn't need to make sense
you'd have pockets as deep as enough
and always have change to help with a fall
you'd always have pockets  
for chocolate

If you were a song you would smell like the earth
like the rain, like the whistling wind
If you were a song
you would howl like the moon
and run with the wolves
If you were a song
we'd be down by the lake
and you would be still
If you were a song I could hear you.

If you were a song
you'd be the crackle of flames
the sound of the crowd
the rustle of silk
If you were a song you'd be the echo of souls
If you were a song
they'd have cut out your tongue
and I'd have to sing for you
If you were a song
I would never stop singing

Now we have started there's no way back
no absence of sound
no way to refrain
The song and the singer must reach for the earth

If you were a song
I would sing you

It may not be safe
it may not be that one stone follows another
as night follows day
it may be that you lose your way
it may be you who slipped or tripped
and was caught in the cross fire
it may be that the bullet does not whizz past
it may be that the crack
is your back breaking
it may be your body shaking
it may have been you who was too tired to fight on

It may be that your mother does die
for the second time
it may be that you do care
that she's not there
it may be that your heart does break
that you can't take the ache

Not everyone comes out alive
it may be you who does not survive
it may be you who was lost in the blast
This moment
may have been your last

Have you ever asked
I asked them
each in turn
What she really, really wants ?

She turns with the wind
I hear them say
What she wants tomorrow she won't today
We're losing ground, we're losing score
we're not really sure
how it happened
She just moved in
now we're here to stay
She feels the cold
We thought we knew

We continue as normal
it's okay in its way
Arsenal's playing tomorrow
she's agreed to get Sky
and we're off to Dubai - Bruges, Paris, Texas
to rekindle this thing
just the two of us

We keep on going, it works in its way
almost there with the mortgage
the pressure is lesser
This year's bonus eases the onus
it'll pay for the annual ski trip

But it's like when you're ten and your shorts are too high
above the knee
and you know they'll see
blue-white thigh
What do you do?
Slit your wrists in a ditch or just carry on?
None of us knew
So you just carry on
You weather the weather

But I'm still not sure
If I wanted more
or whether it might
have been

different

My beautiful mother so warm so soft
my mother is off
I'm only a baby
I cry too much:
she's gone

We're on the quayside
I'm going away with my daddy and brother
she's tall I'm small
my baby brother is in her arms
she smiles at me
the baby cries
I'm a big girl now
I cry on the inside only

We're at the airport
she's tall, I'm taller
I'm off to study another life
we smile and wave:
Goodbye

I'm leaving again
now I'm holding the baby
she tries to smile but she misses my baby
she's crying inside
I smile and wave:
Goodbye

I'm leaving once more
she's frail and small
her bent and beautiful frame still bearing it all
she smiles
I cry though I still try
not to

An age-long leaving of those you love
where does it leave you?
It leaves you bereft
what meaning is left
for the tall or the small
what meaning is left
at all

A sunny summer day
white butterflies were dancing
we were playing in the park
Lene and me
We were more than four
less than ten
six perhaps
but even then
I never told my mummy

The man was kind of funny
it was a funny kind of picture
naked men and ladies in a great big ring
doing this thing
I see it even now
He had a light brown leather jacket and
orange ***** hair
he wanted us to touch him there
I see it clear as day
then we ran away
But I never told my mummy

Lene's mum and daddy made a great big fuss
They made my mummy hectic
and my dad called the police about the light brown leather jacket
I don't know what the fuss was
It was just the grown ups talking in their
funny kind of voices
They thought I couldn't hear
I wasn't really there

A sunny summer day
We were going on a day trip
Merete and me cycling to the sea
with her little sister
We were more than ten, less than teens
The sunlight was sparkling on the sea
We found the perfect spot and made our little nest
packing out our things and getting changed
But the changing kind of changed things
When we turned around there were
One two three
******* men
I was used to it by then but three in one go?
that's a lot you know

So we had no choice we had to pack it all together
and push our bikes back up the hill
It made me really cross
because of Merete's little sister
so I filled my water bottle in the sea before we left
I caught him by surprise
I snuck up behind the trees
I shook the water on his head
You're disgusting!
I said
Time stopped turning
My tummy stopped churning
I could see his eyes were sad
as he caught me by the wrist and said 'I know'

So
Here is how he bound me
That is all it takes
to take a child and bind her to your shame.
He shackled me forever to the knowledge that it wasn't him
it wasn't him to blame
There was something in him that he couldn't help
It must have been my body then
my horrid stupid body
I wasn't even pretty
If I could only get it off me
I want to tear it off
do you hear?
I'm screaming in disgust
I'm ripping it all off me
You think I asked for this?
You disgust me! I said to my stupid horrid body

For it just kept happening
one way or another
I wasn't even pretty
But I never told my mother
I never wanted her to know
It was too horrible for her
I didn't want to spread it
What's the use in that?
So I never told my mummy
At least I managed that
I never told my mummy.

At two he said
Baby can’t catch the rain and throw it back in the sky
At sixteen she said
You’re all form and no function
He said I love it when you mock me mum
It makes my day

I love you
he said
What does that mean she said
Exactly?
It means he said
I know you he said
And I like you
She laughed
Not all of you of course he said
But even the bits
I don’t like
I’d miss them if they weren’t there

Am I lonely?
she thought
If I am lonely she thought
it´s with the loneliness of a rowboat
ice fast on the shore
Made of wood
with a talent for burning

You.
she said
Yes.
I said
You’re like she said
Yes?
I said
You’re like a glass ornament she said
Yes
I said
Thank you for noticing I said
Thank you
for saying

Hammered
Happy
Raising a smile
Having a hoot
With four men to boot

Apologies, I'm out of change
Why should there always be a price to pay
for making hay
even
when the sun shines