I'm not trying to turn lead into gold
That would just be mundane and old
It seems that my life's lesson
And my full time obsession
Is to take a rather negative substance
Or very poor soul sustenance
And turn it into something positive
Or somehow substantive
I really have a rather pessimistic view
And I don't think I see reality askew
But being and seeing like this
Does not really evoke bliss
But I keep trying to do
What might seem awkward to you
It seems this was my souls choice
And I have to be careful what I voice
For I don't want to drag things down
Or ruin and confound
But I have to be real
Yet find a bit of zeal
So I'll continue to alchemize
And somehow realize
That I'm turning lead into gold
As I continue to grow old

Are we all actors just acting
Simply playing a part and reacting
Caught up in our minds mire
Not really doing what our souls desire
Playing a part in a worthless game
Living our lives without any aim
Moving around believing our ego
Not really concerned with where we go
This game we all think we have to play
Just seems to be leading us further astray
Plying the system to get ahead
Amassing our possessions before we're dead
Is there really no better way
But to follow along and not go astray
Simply accepting the world's saran wrapped package
Is that all we can really manage
Who is it that dictates this game of life
That seems so full of toil and meaningless strife
Plenty of distraction and pointless baubles
All kinds of gadgets to ease your troubles
Have we over complicated things
Could a simpler life more joy bring
It seems our way of life is designed to hamper
To stifle our souls and otherwise damper
Many of us feel alone and disconnected
Why is the world so disaffected
This is my world point of view
Maybe some of you feel this way too

Living the life of a burdened soul
Born free of a condemned hole
Saw that fate in a window pane
Cast across my very own vein
The shadow that haunts me still
Forever daunts me at will
The things I've learned
Shouldn't be taught or earned
Not as a child
So young and wild
Forever burdened
With a ponderous load
Plodding farther
A winding road
Cresting the hill
By force of will
My fathers child
I might be still
Through many a year
I have fought
To achieve what
I know naught
I carry along
And sing my song
My journey still
Carries on

Back and forth for an eternity
Swinging from matriarch to paternity
First the left and then the right
Each one in turn exerting their might
It seems that when the shoe is on the other foot
The other can't wait on where it should be put
Black and white east and west
When will we all just give it a rest
A universe of polarity
Swinging back and forth in duality
But it seems to me there is a third way
A middle path that few seldom play
A path of harmony and balance
That fosters the least grievance
A third point of view of neutrality
That is bound to come about naturally
Three forces at play in a tiny atom
Show you what it is to fathom
It seems there's always an outside force
Not letting nature take it's course
Forcing the pendulum to swing
Never heeding what this will bring
Every clock makers pendulum
Needs constant winding to avoid a doldrum
Eventually all pendulums will come to rest
I hope this poem is not just a jest

Round and round the spiralling wheel
Been here before that's how I feel
Once more around and spiralling forward
Like a stone in time a baby Norward
Maintaining my post like some kind of anchor
Lying low to avoid drawing anger
Ascending in increments of variance
Plying all the paths of each variant
Looping and looping through circular time
Feeling like it's all a pantomime
A stone anchor holding a position
A point in time from which to transition
Seeing the points repeat closer together
Seems like time is on a tether
All loops collapsing on a grand conclusion
A final end to a sinister illusion
This point on the wheel is a nexus
And moving on will be a new plexus
So a stone on the wheel is where I'm held
Until time resolves this tricky meld
Necessarily I'm imbued with a lot of luck and will
And seeing this through will be such a thrill
A stone on the wheel
That's how I feel

It's more like a Carlos Castaneda view
Unlearning what has been done to you
Taught to drive your self around
Look what has come to ground
Do you think when a bell is rung
Just like Pavlov's dog the day has begun
What makes your mouth water
Is it proper fodder
The things you were taught to have or have not
Have you ever given a thought
Plugged in hooked up and wired
Endlessly running until you grow tired
Where do you come from to play this game
Never pausing to reflect its a shame
Never stopping to listen
To the sound of falling rain
Never pausing to glisten
Just caught up with the vain
Break it down and crumble it up
Stitch it back together
From out of your cup
Look at what you've wrought
Then determine whether
It might be worth naught
Now see what has become of you
Behold you've been forged anew

When you start to look at your life as a thing
That your soul has crafted to bring
With it's hardships, trials, joy and sorrow
And unknown events of the morrow
A certain journey and series of emotions
Set of experiences as vast as oceans
All designed to expand your depth of understanding
Increasing your capacity for commanding
Your soul has done this because it craves
Experience and so it asks you to brave
This up and down and often confusing
Topsy turvy and sometimes unamusing
Giant ball of emotion and feeling
Losing your way and reeling
Sometimes filling your mind with worry and dread
Where you'll live and find a bed
In this world of triumph and tribulation
Your soul has come to find exaltation
And so whether up or down
When your smiling or wearing a frown
Your soul has come with great conviction
A good amount of predilection
To learn from this space
To teach itself to operate in grace

We saw a kitten and we could have one
And so we grabbed one
I was told not to let the cat get pregnant
We had to try to have only one animal dependant
Surely he knew it was an impossible task
Why from a child would he even ask
A few weeks later the cat had kittens
All tiny and cute and fluffy like mittens
Then in anger my dad took me
And said bring the kittens and thee
Utterly helpless with eyes closed
They could only squirm around completely exposed
I had to place them all
All five and small
Who couldn't even see
On a stump I placed thee
Sacrificial lambs
At my own hands
Innocence blown away
To my young dismay
Such a harsh lesson
From a fathers obsession

God and the Devil two sides of the same coin
Opposite poles of a spectrum that we need to rejoin
Light and dark held apart
Neither a whole but just a part
Humanity held in opposition
Needing a new quest for unity to end this division
Each pole has been taken to the Nth extreme
Each part explored in this grand scheme
All the fractals broken and divided
Splintered apart as though something collided
As if the whole went out of harmonious balance
And shattered apart to try to rebalance
Unity is becoming the word of the day
Opposites uniting nearing the end of this fray
Maybe the opposites are not meant to fully come together
Just a bit of duality not ripped apart altogether
Opposites gently revolving around a center
Not flung apart by some dissenter
A harmonized balance of mirrored opposite
Like natural cell division far more moderate
Closer to two wholes not opposite at all

Extrapolating our point of view
Is something we as a world need to do
The old ways are dying and obsolete
New paths forward are not replete
The old system of money game
Needs to be relegated to it's place of shame
The way of playing *** for tat
Toiling for wealth to buy that
We should be living a life of abundance
But the old game is held with redundance
Systems built on each other maintaining the quo
Feeding of humanity as a foe
This old system has been played for a very long time
We keep polishing that **** trying to make it shine
It really seems that in this new internet age
Humanity's preparing to turn the page
When I look behind the scenes of this world
The few are trying to keep a new way from becoming unfurled
It really appears as though the toiling mass
Are looking for a way out of this morass
Everything being thrown into chaos and confusion
The globe as a whole trying to rise in unison
Everyday more and more comes to light
Illuminating this age old plight
Everyday more and more come to awaken
Preventing it all from being forsaken
Everyday more and more comes to pass
I'm just doing my best not to sit here with my thumb up my...

Like tumblers and switches falling into place
The things your mind has not embraced
A subconscious disposition
Acquired through years of imposition
Like tumblers and switches falling into place
The things your mind has not embraced
An acquired disposition
Taught through condition
Like tumblers and switches falling into place
The things your mind has not embraced
The mind has been taught
A lifetime of things that are naught
Like tumblers and switches falling into place
The things your mind has not embraced
A shift in perception
Perceives a minds deception
Like tumblers and switches falling into place
The things your mind begins to embrace
Stumbling now onward
With no direction forward
Like tumblers and switches falling into place
The things your mind begins to embrace
Now seeing them fall
Is this the key to it all
Like tumblers and switches falling into place
The things your mind begins to embrace

There is a hurt little guy inside
Who ran away long ago and decided to hide
Maybe he decided not to stay
And allowed himself to be driven away
Leaving behind a suit of armour
To live his life and deal with what's harder
He must have kept the things that were valuable to him
Also the hurt and pain and things he should skim
Leaving behind a hardened shell
To navigate the world we dwell
Hiding inside a secure keep
A vessel in which he could sleep
I wonder of him from time to time
Who and how he is as we continue to climb
Sometimes I feel like the empty shell
And wonder if he feels alone and trapped in a cell
Not knowing who he is and being his defenses
Keeps us in place behind our fences
Sometimes I acknowledge him and let him know
That he's ok as I carry on with the show
Maybe one day we'll be reunited
When it's safe and he can be invited

Worn by time my ferrous heart
Flaking and peeling and coming apart
Beating softly while thundering aloud
My hammered out pulse
Alone in a crowd
Snuffed and embered
Yet burning still
A cold small fire
Barely staving the chill
Carrying on
Down the road of life
Not really knowing
Why there's so much strife
Trying my best
To not add to the burden
Dealing with my karma
Just trying to unburden
Learning to just be
Is my new goal
Plying a new path
Like a newborn foal
Developing an interest
In a philosophers way
Learning from zen master's
Is most of my day
Feeling positive
That I'm on the right road
Realizing that my mind
Just needs to unload
This seems to be
What will help my ferrous heart
And to live my life
Without coming apart

Riding my dirt bike all alone
Through the trails I've known
Riding as fast as I could
Through the trails through the wood
The forest and then out to a cliff
A brief little blast on the edge of a rift
The left is the wall solid
On the right an abyss horrid
Pushing my limits
Back in the forest I go
Still riding so fast
Further into the trail I know
Rounding a corner
A branch poked at me
Not wearing body armour
It got me good like a tree
I still bear the scar
Where it reached out its spar

Positive energy negative energy
Good feelings bad feelings
Each in turn is felt and fed on
Sometimes I think Earth is just a farm
Duality plays out on it's stage
One part feeds the positive farmers
The other feeds the negative farmers
We the contained animals create the food
We play our chosen part in the world
Creating the energy for the farmers to feed on
Good or bad doesn't matter
It's all just food for the farmers
Mostly the animals don't know they are on a farm
They don't mind the fences that contain them
They are not in the wild
Making they're own way
Do the animals grow and evolve
Ever break free of the farm
Does the farm ever go out of business
Do Vegan protesters ever come and free all the animals
It's just a thought and maybe it's not a Loosh Farm

It was never something that I felt I need
But always smoked with a sense of greed
Being high was my only aim
It was the way I would play the game
Becoming a pothead was my lifestyle choice
I could always get high and rejoice
Never took a break long enough to see
What it was really doing to me
Always found a reason to justify
Always continued to just get high
In and out of the hospital
Often losing my mind right out of my skull
Then last time in a psychotic episode
I harmed two friends which couldn't be foretold
I had blindly done something of grave consequence
And my life has taken a turn since
Enforced abstinence has shown me now
Just how ill I was getting the why and the how
My life has changed between now and then
I meditate and try to be zen
I guess now there's one thing I know
I won't use again because of how that would go

Things started out a little rocky between her and I
Each of us in turn at various points with our head in the sky
We each had our separate roles to play
Each of us dealing with our own foray
It was still too early to see eye to eye
Each of us too busy just trying to try
In and out of contact throughout the years
Each of us resolving our own issues and fears
Now that we're both further down the road
Each of us take turns sharing our load
More and more as we speak to each other and share our view
Each of us realizes we are but two
She's further down the road than me
Each of us knows where we are we both can see
We speak our words and sometimes get carried away
Each of us appreciating what the other has to say
We both know we're lucky to have each other
Each of us so glad we have one another
We share a perspective from our own vantage points
Each of us got here through our own checkpoints
Sometimes I lean on her a little heavily
Each of us still living our roles verily
I'm so glad things worked out and she's my friend
Each of us knows we had things to mend
It's so rare to come across someone of like mind
Each of us appreciates our rare find
It's a special bond we share
She's my mom and we both care

He was here just a moment ago
Where has he gone I just don't know
We just sat and talked for a couple of hours
He and I and a friend of ours
He exclaimed how nice a conversation
Not full of gloom and trepidation
A few days later he had a meeting
With some of his family who had come in greeting
The support of his loved ones to be sure
The love of his mother so pure
They all made plans for him to go home
So at Christmas time he wouldn't be alone
I guess none of us were really aware
How quickly he would pass and leave things bare
The feeling of an empty space
My friend no longer there to take up that place
There was no hell where he was destined
Only a better place like he imagined
And now we all must carry on
Until we get to that place of dawn

Almost an exact year between me and my younger sibling
Just three days less a trifling thing
I wasn't expecting a call from my mother
It was bad news about my younger other
She wanted to video chat with grief on her face and in her voice
And to the point I learned about my sisters choice
It seems she'd decided to end her life
A desperate solution to end her strife
Financial burdens and looming poverty
Was something she couldn't bear again to see
She used to be so strong and determined
How had she come to be so burdened
I can see now she was always running
Away from things her mind drumming
We'd drifted apart and weren't close
Now we won't get the chance to diagnose
No opportunity to bury the hatchet
To start again on a new facet
I've thought of that choice time and again
It's really come home how tragic an end
She couldn't let anyone in really
Too proud and stubborn but loved dearly
I guess I'll have to get used to this
The temporary sorrow and permanent abyss

Ohh NO NO NO NO I don't want your problems
I've got my own problems
You've REALLY got problems
I'm used to my problems
My problems are simple
I wouldn't know what to do with your problems
I can deal with my problems
I've had them for a long time now
I know what to expect
They don't surprise me anymore
It's true for a long time they were really hard
They used to drive me to my wits end
I used to think my problems were special
But now that I've seen your problems
My problems don't seem so bad
And given how comfortable I am with my problems
Ohh NO NO NO NO I don't want your problems
Thanks anyway

There is a smell in the Spring
That does within me ring a bell
A strange and curious smell
That rings that bell
A malodorous pungent smell
The scent of spring decay
At a time before May
Deep within the earth in the mud
The earth again renews its blood
The snow has wet and melted
The Flora that dwelt it
The decay seeps up from underground
And leaves a strange smell around
Just for a couple of days
Before the beginning of May

It's actually an exquisite feeling
That comes when your emotions are reeling
It's such a profound feeling
That let's you know you are dealing
It's a sense of melancholy
That can make you laugh at your life's folly
It's a feeling for your soul by golly
That in the moment consumes you wholly
It's a feeling you can savour
That can bring your life such flavour
It's really such a favour
That teaches you about your endeavour
It's a feeling I've enjoyed
That in the end leaves me buoyed
It's not something to avoid
That would be devoid
It's good at teaching you life's a game
That there should be no feeling of shame

Can you learn to play in a certain way
With temptation
Can you take it here and there in its underwear
In your imagination
Do you go so far in your brand new car
To your destination
Do you lose your way while your under way
Without new obligation
Do you pause to think in rumination and stink
About your consternation
Has it come to you this point of view
About observation
Do you give a pause with reason and cause
Why your obstination
I can see now your reason and how
You cling to constipation
Just give up and be a pup
And cease this aggravation
And you shall still find your will
In a new situation

I went to hell once looking to save a friend
I thought for sure I wouldn't break but I would bend
The path there is easy to find
But once your there your in a bind
I entered willingly a terrible place
And almost lost myself without a trace
The Devil found me and asked why I was there
I pleaded for my friend and asked if he would be fair
He offered me a chance on a wager for my soul
Somehow I new that would be his goal
He's clever and crafty and somehow tricked me
Now I was bound to hell and never would be free
I languished there for an eternity
Came to realize unlike heaven hell is not a paternity
I started scheming what I could use this realization for
There had to be a key at it's core
The Devil's wife noticed my minds fixation
When she approached I tempted a little flirtation
She could see my armored heart was still intact
The Devil had left it knowing I would suffer more infact
Amused with me she offered a chance
If I could ****** her with my parlance
I seemed to have nothing to lose so I gave it a go
She was certainly amused as we went toe to toe
I could see she was neglected a little
The Devils was very busy usually with his shizzle
She knew very well how to play a part
Succeeded in breaking my armored heart
In the process I had won her over
Seduced her and won her favor
She told the Devil my friend and I were released
He and I were very pleased
The Devil was angry but prepared our depart
She told me our release was not free and she would be keeping my heart
So we both left with our soul
But I had to leave my heart back in that hole
And so it is the Devil wants your soul but his wife wants your heart

What is the point of power wealth or control
Seems to me it's just about selling your soul
Those of us who are just content to be
Live happier lives of harmony
Playing the game that's presented round and round
Removes the simple pleasures and joy to be found
Comparing your life to wealthy or famous
And all the social beliefs that try to shame us
Is a projected lie meant to tame you
Keep you corralled and chained to their view
The game is designed with many pitfalls
Like an intricate maze with many dead end walls
The game is set up and put in place
From the moment your born and enter the race
Everything about it enforces the notion
That you must go along with it's commotion
It teaches you to only behave in a certain way
Tends to ridicule and ostracize those who don't obey
More and more people are waking through the noise
Seems the game is getting louder and just annoys
A desperate attempt for total control
Feels like the game is going to fail at it's ultimate goal
Lifetimes of planning coming to waste
It needs to all end with a bit of haste
This is the dawning of a golden age
Time for humanity to break free of it's cage

When void became there was nothing to perceive
It reached out and found nothing
Perception with nothing to perceive
So void began to dream
It's fantasy ran wild
Much like that of a child
In dreams void has seen
All the places we have been
Void began to dream of a thing
The thing could see
All the things that void would be
Before void could stop it
The thing was on top of it
Now void watches
As the thing debauches

We're all suffering the same thing
Not knowing what we each bring
Some of us have the words to speak
Some of us are just to meek
We all travel a different road
Each of us carrying our own load
We carry along with who we are
Some of us not getting very far
Most of us don't have time to think
Most of us don't have time to blink
I guess some how I'm one of the fortunate few
Who some how found time to get a view
It's not easy too sit and pause
Most of us are driven by cause
You have to get comfortable in your own skin
And learn to think before you can begin
How do you decide what's worth a thought
When everything is faulty that you've been taught
Finding your way is difficult
Escaping the snares of the cultural cult
Blazing new trails for the collective
Have you convinced yourself it's a noble objective
How do you decide if your life matters
Is it all just here and there patters
Why we're all here who can say
I just hope you find some time to play
Rhyming these words sometimes comes easy to me
I can only hope it makes some sense to thee

Words are temporary placeholders
Neither immortal or set in stone
They can sit and smolder
And sometimes should be atoned
They can linger in greatness
Or never have been penned
Sometimes overly dressed in ornateness
Or twisted from what they intend
Words have many meanings
People don't read or hear them the same
Each have different gleanings
While interpretations are to blame
Thoughts placed with certainty
Can be agreed upon in earnest
Or skimmed over thoughtlessly
Leaving a mind unfurnished
Words are often limiting
Not really ideal to convey
Barely capable of emitting
What a mind has to say
Writing has less misunderstanding
Speech is very awkward
Both capable of landing
With a different understanding