Tonight will be different.
The lump of panic will swallow my throat faster.
The tears will eat holes through my eyes sooner.
And my hand will grab the blade before I can call for help.
Before I can beg someone to help.
To stop me.
But now darling it is too late.
My demons have come out from under the bed and in the closet.
They place gentle sweet kisses on my wrist and thighs.
Kisses I will remember years from now and ask
"Why?"
Tonight will be different.
I promise.
Tonight will be different.
But
I might not survive.