I wonder
Do you feel the same things I do
When we walked in the darkness
With only our little candles to guide us

If my flame flickers
Will you wait to see what is in store
Or will you tell me
“Hold it like this a little more”

When the wax burns my hand
Will you tell me to man up
It’ll go away
But do you know I’m allergic?

When my light begins to fade
Only to dissipate
when I have no lighter to help myself
Will you lean in with your flame?
Will you give me your fire for a split second so mine can begin again?
Or will you say “I got you next time”
“I’ve just got too much on my plate”?

What if there’s no next time?
Because that disappearing flame was the only life source.
Because my demons keep blowing it out.
Because i can’t see without it.
Because i can’t see the paths, or why to continue moving.  
Because without it I can’t see why to stay here.

I am ready to sleep now.
It been a long day.
I can not longer stay awake.
As I close my eyes tonight,
I feel at peace. It would be the best sleep ever.
But I did not know it would be eternal.

I can not try anymore.
I'm ready to give up,
because this is too tough.
So I cannot try anymore.

                          I cannot try anymore.
                          I'm experiencing burnout,
                          And still not doing enough.
                          So I cannot try anymore.

I have no more to give.
This has ****** the life out of me.
Between the pandemic and life,
Work and school,
I am spread way too thin.
So I cannot try anymore.

More often than Not.
I am in my own thoughts.

They tend to freak me out.
They always make me doubt.

I doubt myself,
I doubt everyone else.

I doubt my friends,
And I wonder when we will end.

And when I'm in a group,
I simply turn to soup.

I move wherever they push me,
and absently agree.

I when I try to talk,
I mess up so much they gawk.

When someone says I am easy to get along with,
I dont tell them its because I am liquid, sliding along their width.

I simply go with the flow,
Allowing them to think they know.

It surprises me,
How often I'm alone.
How often I feel lonely.

Even with two partners.
Life won't just let me exist with them
He's on first shift.
I'm on second shift.
I get to tuck him into bed after work.
They work third shift.
He gets off work, I'm working.
They wake up and he's home.
They get the evening.
I get home and they're working.
I tuck him into bed for work in the morning.
And again I am alone.

They sleep during the day,
He works.
I am alone.
I'm tired of being alone too.

I am ready for bed.
I am ready to sleep.
Please let me Rest In Peace.