So, I went to the office and talked to the lady
Behind the desk that's not quite large enough for her.
She told me she'd change my schedule, of course! But-
I would need to substitue the dropped courses with different ones.
So I hmm-ed and I Uhmm-ed and ended up chosing
To help out the librarian and to take a design class.
(The latter was chosen only because I know someone in it,)
I left the office of awkwardness and now here I am,
Writing and waiting, and hoping for graduation
To hurry up and get here.

When I looked in the mirror,
I finally started to see the things he loves

I didn't realize that burying my head in textbooks
Drowning my thoughts in statistical calculations
Masking my emotions with a blank look of contemplation
Was my way of coping

Said it soft and slowly,
With words tantalized and teased me,
Had me hanging on the edge of your twisted blade,
Thought you were here to set me free,
Instead you plucked off all my feathers,
One by one,
Recounting poems of romance and doves,
As you took away my beauty,
And striped away the bone,
With kisses and your wicked teeth,
You bled me out and with malicious might-
Took my heart and fled in the night,
But I am not a feeble creature,
My vigor burns eternally, bright,
My bones mended and my feather grew back,
Black instead of white,
My innocent appearance left to smolder,
My ebony cloak gleams,
Beneath which my scars are seen,
This wicked phoenix is not dead,
But born again from my own sea of red,

The one thing I hate about
Minnesota almost as much as the snow?
All the ******* sunshine

Do you ever start writting and erase it all a billion times over, just trying to get it right?
Do you roll around in your bed at night because your mind is too restless to get any sleep?
Do you spend your free time thinking and dreaming of new things you could do if only you tried harder?
Do you sit in the dark of a closed off room because the sun is just too happy for your mood?
Do you look at the sky at night and wish the stars would never fade away into sunlight?
Do you find yourself wishing on those same stars, wishing for things to change, or stay the same?
Do you think too much and cause yourself to question everything and wonder about stupid things like I do?
Do you make random lists of things to fill your time and express a little bit of your feelings?
Do you think I'm strange when I do the things that I do, even though they seem a little odd?
Do you know why I hate un-clicked pens?
Do you know what scares me the most?
Do you know why my favorite color is blue?
Do you know how my hand writting looks?
If I whispered all my secrets to you, would you keep them locked inside the prision fortress of your mind, and never tell a soul?
Would you guard those secrets with your life?
Would you protect me from the things that go bump in the night?
Would you fend off the dark demons that plague me, and whisk me away to our own kingdom of safety?
Would you be my knight, and my king?

I'm a wild animal...
No matter how much I try
I just can't be tame.
Just when I think I've been broken
I lash out and attack
With violent words and razor fangs
And agony coursing through my veins.
This isn't what I wanted.
I'm trying to fit in and be good,
Why wont my old habbits die?
Why wont my wildness fade away?
Why does it linger inside me like scars?
Why can't I be the person I wish I was?

When the roaring winds quiet and the crashing waves subside,
What's left is a silent picture,
A still frame of destruction,
A single image worthy of awe,
When the final chord is strummed and the last beat drummed,
What's left is an eerie silence,
A mental echo of the sounds,
A silent vibration through the air,
When the bright lights burn out and the world starts to slumber,
What's left is a somber mood,
A time to contemplate,
A chance to experience true silence,

Take the time to marvel at the after-image, the absence of sound, the Silence of night,
For actions are only as meaningful as the thought given to them in their Absence.

My heart's chords no
longer sound melodious.

Sometimes words have way different meanings
When they aren't said out loud...
I just wish I knew how they were meant
to be heard

Why do I ask the stupid questions?
Why do I care about the stupid things?
Why do I hurt so easily?
Why do I cry for the dumbest of reasons?
Why do I fear the inevitable?
Why do I worry about the unchangeable?
Why do I stress over things yet to happen?
Why do I act so stupidly?

Her words make mighty mountains tremble

We all have our quirks,
Our own little weirdnesses,
But it still shocks me when
My Demon of Ice has warmer
Hands than me.

Yesterday
I drove
Over
The bridge.

There comes a time when the waves of emotions die down,
And the waters still,
And you can see clearly,
All the things you've done.

There comes a time when the fog in your mind lifts,
And your mind clears,
And you can understand why you chose this path.

There comes a time when you will understand,
And you will stop regretting,
And you will learn to be accepting,
And life will get better.

That time is now

Sometimes I worry the cuts on his body
aren't accidents...

When you check your email,
Like any other day,
And get excited to see new messages,
Only to discover the first is an email stating that you either aren't needed or aren't qualified enough,
For that job you really wanted,
And the second new email tells you,
"Guess what? That other possition you wanted? Well, it's out of the question too!"

I still hear your voice, faintly, in the crowded hallways.

A queen would be nothing if not
for her most loyal knight

I finally
figured
out who
is worth
the pain

It's one thing to be torn apart by the hateful words of others,
It's another thing entirely to be the one berating and destroying yourself,
Cursing all of the mistakes you have made,
Beating yourself for all the things you cause to go wrong,
Destroying the shreds of self esteem you keep trying to weave together,
Into something that wont look as mangled and destroyed as you feel inside,
Drowning on the tears you cause yourself to shed,
Sinking in the abyss of self doubt you've created,
Burring yourself in the bottomless hole you've dug in your mind,
The hole you throw yourself into day after day,
The dark pit where your hatred and anger devour you,
Where others can't hope to drag you out,
The hole where you are so completely alone that you start giving up,
The fight seeps out of you, slowly,
Tear by tear,
Week by week,
Until you're nothing but a hollow shell called 'you'.

If Earth is like a pebble,
then isn't skipping rocks,
just like destroying planets?
And if it is,
then are we all monsters?
What if the little rock-people,
see what's coming,
and decide to attack us?
What if all these years,
we've been drowning aliens,
just to pass time?
Time spent waiting,
to meet an alien.

And I keep on waiting,
waiting
Waiting for my world to change...