I want to believe that I will find someone to share the world
I want to have hope that I am worthy of love
Yet it seems,
As days go on,
I fall back into old beliefs.

Ghosts of lovers,
Point out my flaws
Clouding my judgment, altering the person you see.
I want to belive that you can be the difference
I want to have hope that you can love and care for me
Yet,
As the days go on,
The ideal seems absurd.

Knowledge of the challenges
Does not help us through.
I want to believe that I love you,
I want to believe that you can love me too.
Yet,
As time goes on,
It's clear to see,
You don't.

as long as everyone say what she wanted
then it was alright.
the image of perfection
i shattered it.
there was no hidding that
and she hated me for it.
it wasnt the act,
but the fact
everyone knew.
my dear mother,
she never cared.
she just needed people to see it her way.
that she was perfect in this world.
so she sent me away,
her house no longer a welcome home.
she had her perfect life.
there was no need for me.
she just needed eveeyone to see it that way.

These are the scars of battles you couldn't help me win.
Don't be afraid to ask about them,
I'm willing to share my stories to you and your kin.

I've got the eyes, that tell you I've seen more then I should.
So beautiful and blue,
The color so light, the ice melts into pools if it would.

The beatings have ended yet I still feel your hands.
I've got a past, that would make no one proud,
yet I can still find some comfort simply by putting my feet in the sand.

The desk is plastic, cold and dark.
The keys click as I type each word.
The music playing in the background, making me feel the feelings of others.
The feelings I can no longer create on my own.
I've become numb.
In a world that teaches us to do so as such a young age.
I sit here, trying to explain what has happened to me,
So that someone,
can try to understand.

Hanging,
Waiting,
Slightly swinging.
You wait for someone,
anyone.
To use you.
You've never know anything else.

So you sit,
waiting,
for someone to use you.

I see you standing there
I think its just not fair
for you to be, so happy
without me.

I walk away
cause i just can't stay
to bear the sight of you,
without me.

you where the one i loved
i put you up above
the ones that i was from.
So now I just can't see.
how your so **** happy,
without me.

I need to forget you.
Just go on without you.
Why can't I leave you?
But you can leave me.

Because I loved you.
Because you left me.
I have been broken.
I have been broken.
And everyones gone,
they're all just gone.
They left me,
just like you.

Now we can't be friends,
no we can't be friends.
Because i loved you,
then you left me.

As the tears fall down
and you scream across the crowd,
that you don't love me,
you never loved me.

So I'm sitting by the phone,
waiting for the okay to go back home.
Now I'm leaving.
I'm leaving.
Waiting for the okay to go back home,
then I'm leaving
I am leaving you,
like you left me.

Cause I'm without you
and you never loved me.
So I'm leaving.
I hope your happy,

I just Hope your happy.

You see me
I look straight at you
Then I fall
Laying on the ground
You run over
Leaving her side
The blood drains out of my body
As you start to cry
Yelling "look at you!! Look what you've done!!"
I'm slipping fast
She starts to scream
Saying you never loved her
I can't lift my head
You put it in your lap
Tears running down your face
I miss what you tell her
But she runs, almost crying
I hear the screams of the sirens
Helps almost here
I won't make it
I look up and see your face
It gives it away, you know It
The tears I always held back start to form
You kiss me, one last time
My eyes slowly close
And with my last fading breath
I whisper
" I Love You"

So pretty in blue
that's what they say
your so pretty..
but I wonder if they knew
if they knew what I was up to
what I've done
what I've seen.
If they looked at my arm
my thighs
what would they say?
how would they react?
would they still feel that way
or just see the past
the person i never hope to see
In the end
that person is me.
And I'm not pretty.
I've done things only an ugly soul can do.

There are many ways to do it
any one will do
how you do it
is just half of it
planing it out
that's the hard part
not just a fleeting thought
but the will,
the want
to really do it
it doesn't go away
its always there
looming in the back of my mind
the little things they become deadly
any moment
could be my last
and i cant say i'd regret it

I watch it trickle down my arm one more time
I know it wont be the last
It isn't be far the first
The skin
My skin, is now rough
the groves there from years past
and fresh marks from tonight
it feels more like the groves in wood
Not human flesh
the rag soaks up the blood
keeping it out of sight
but always there
i look down
not satisfied with the job I've done
I know this wont be the last.
It isn't by far the first.

That metallic blade
Oh, that sweet little blade
It holds so much
Yet, so little
To most its simply there
Has no meaning
Not a second thought
But to me
And to so many that share the same fate
That stupid little blade
Knows all of my secrets
Feels all of my pain
Takes on what i can't handle
Holds with it so much power
So much that the very thought
Of losing it worries me.
Scares me.
Makes me curl into a ball
Cry in a corner
I'd give my world for it
The little shinny piece of metal
The metallic blade
That holds my world.

Kiss me one last time.
Press your lips onto mine.
Make this count.
Kiss me deep,
Kiss me hard,
Kiss me with everything you've got.
Kiss me,
            Then leave.
Leave and don't ever look back.
Don't look back.
If you did,
You'd see me
                but not the me you know.
I'd be on the ground.
The blood leaving my body.
So kiss me one last time.
Remember this in your heart.
And.
         Don't ever look back.

I carve your name onto my skin.
                                                        Letting the letters sink in.
                                                                                                   Its not out of hate or pain.
                        

                                                     But a love I cannot contain.

My face is red
My eyes are puffy
The mascara runs down my face
I've stopped crying
But the signs are still there
My first thought
        was self-harm
To give myself something else
To think about
          to deal with
Then.
I thought of you.
Now all I want is you
      Your arms whrapped around me
Taking care of me as if I couldn't
Because...
                 I can't.
But the want, the need
              is still there.
I need you more.

Nothing else.
                       Just you.
Everything else.
                            It can wait.

The waters are tinted blue
the deeper the water
the darker the color
i plunge in
the water all around me
it smothers me
for a moment
i cant breath
for a moment
the life is ****** out of me
if only this moment
could last forever
i break the surface
the moment is gone
i'm left wanting more.

Cut my skin
   Let me bleed
Take it all in
   As the darkness feeds

You see me
I look straight at you
Then I fall
Laying on the ground
You run over
Leaving her side
The blood drains out of my body
As you start to cry
Yelling "look at you!! Look what you've done!!"
I'm slipping fast
She starts to scream
Saying you never loved her
I can't lift my head
You put it in your lap
Tears running down your face
I miss what you tell her
But she runs, almost crying
I hear the screams of the sirens
Helps almost here
I won't make it
I look up and see your face
It gives it away, you know It
The tears I always held back start to form
You kiss me, one last time
My eyes slowly close
And with my last fading breath
I whisper
" I Love You"

I see you standing there
I think its just not fair
for you to be, so happy
without me.

I walk away
cause i just can't stay
to bear the sight of you,
without me.

you where the one i loved
i put you up above
the ones that i was from.
So now I just can't see.
how your so **** happy,
without me.

I need to forget you.
Just go on without you.
Why can't I leave you?
But you can leave me.

Because I loved you.
Because you left me.
I have been broken.
I have been broken.
And everyones gone,
they're all just gone.
They left me,
just like you.

Now we can't be friends,
no we can't be friends.
Because i loved you,
then you left me.

As the tears fall down
and you scream across the crowd,
that you don't love me,
you never loved me.

So I'm sitting by the phone,
waiting for the okay to go back home.
Now I'm leaving.
I'm leaving.
Waiting for the okay to go back home,
then I'm leaving
I am leaving you,
like you left me.

Cause I'm without you
and you never loved me.
So I'm leaving.
I hope your happy,

I just Hope your happy.

Day in, Day out,
these words never seize to shout,
to slip away from the world.
to be free of this pain,
to be gone of the world,
that brings me nothing but shame.

If love is suicide
And I cant decide
Which way to go...
Would you help me?
Join me in my dark abyss
Your dim light leading me out
Its all I need to hang on
You, even though your fading too
It heals me to know
That im not the only one
The only ones thats hurt
Shadderd beyond repare
Somehow I found you
And you found me
Your all I need....
Can't you see?

when we tell someone we love them...
do we ever stop?
when we look at something with meaning...
do we ever forget it?
when we hear a song that get stuck in our head...
do we ever miss the lyrics?

Can we help our nature?
what we where meant to do?
who we meant to be with?
where we where meant to go?
it all has purpose
a reason behind it
we may never know what that reason is
we may never understand it
but maybe we wherent meant to..

This is my trip
my slow slip into darkness
i used to think id be big
someone important
we all did
i gave up those dreams
long ago
i have none anymore
nothing i want to do
well just one
one last thing
and then its done
i want you to know
its not your fault
theres nothing you could have done
nothing and everything
there the same as one
show themshow them the warnings
show them what no one told me
start at the begining
dont stop till the end
find new joysave the others
do what i no longer can
do it
for me

Can you hear me as I shout?
the screams never really getting out
you hope i'll stop
but i'll be the one that drops
you've seen it, you know whats going on
but you do nothing as i lie here
dying on the lawn....

These are the scars i wear
historys of the skin that tears
its a constant reminder
of things that could have been kinder
I'l never forget
but that doesnt say its a regret
people will see
and wonder how many, are just like me
how many will share these scars?
and dream of running in front of cars
scream those silent shouts
pray that someone finds out
they'll tell you to stop
never knowing what you really want
all you can hope foris something to shake you
down to your core
to make you see, you dont need this
so unclench your fist
put down your weapon
and resist

i cut
i cut to feel
to try nd see whats real
they tell me not to
one day ill go to far
and itll be the end of me
but i push it away
at times it doesnt matter if i die or not
because i cut
to feel something
anything
as the blade slides across my pale skin
the blood slowly comes to the surface
ive been doing this for so long
i know the tricks
to keep others away
but i always told someone
tonight i dont
sufer on my own
let my arm bleed
feel the blood drain
i keep going
more then before
my arm isnt visable
just the sticky red juice
dripping slowly down
my need isnt done
i keep going
soon i feel light headed
then i start to lose feeling
in starts in my figures and toes
i keep going
still cutting
im not sure ill ever stop
my hand can no longer hold the blade
my sweet friendly blade
thats always there for me
tonight will see the last of me
hes the only one i want to see
a lonely tear falls down my face
i didnt have time to change this
i wouldnt if i could
tonight i can no longer feel anything
im almost gone
and still nothing
i just dont care
i say my goodbyes...
everyone left me long ago
everyone but my friendly blade
so goodbye dear friend
you have done your job
ill leave this cold dead world thinking
dreaming
of you

They tell me things I dont wanna hear
But I still feel joy when your near
they say we're too young
never letting us have any fun
I cant stay long,I have to go
But I never wish to cause you woe
For reasons I'll never know
I Love You So