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Scars begin to fade
as do the memories that caused them
scars begin to fade
and that's ok
I'm getting happy again
smiles returning
scars fading
laughter echoing
scars fading
kisses sharing
butterflies *living
 Mar 2013 Ash
Joseph John
I sometimes wish I wasn't such an ardent adherent to rationality,
so I could believe the universe truly has it out for me,
but I know the world gives no thought to my shattered dreams.
My bruised essence is a symptom of my own disease.

This callous ellipse will continue to spin, twist, and turn,
unyielding to my protests, unrepentant for my burns.
I sit at strict attention, though there is no lesson to be learned.
I inhale endless ashes, searching for meaning in an urn.

Some see spirits, for better or worse,
but the first time I ate mushrooms, I up and left the Church.
Yes, I once reveled in fairy-tales of the absurd,
until my mind saw the pellicle-like nature of the Word.

If I could turn around and rewrite my story, would I?
Is it better to be alone with truth, or sit at the joyous table of lies?
The truth is, it was never something for me to decide.
That part of me once lived, but like all life, it had to die.
Written 2013
 Jan 2013 Ash
Montana
I'll *******,
If you want.
Cause I want it
Just as bad as you do.
But I also want to hear the rustle of the sheets
When you turn over in the middle of the night.
I want to feel your hot breath on my neck.
I want the stubble on your chin to graze my cheek
As you kiss me gently on the forehead.
And when I whisper "goodnight," you don't have to reply.
Just nudge me with your knee
Or poke me with your elbow.
8/13/12
 Feb 2012 Ash
jeremy wyatt
Shelter me
            from all that I am                
what I try to be
I tried to shelter you
wash the blood and muck
from your hurt thighs
read you a kid's book
while you tried to sleep
in the bath too afraid
***** soiled wee scrap
we couldn't get you clean
cut your head where they
***** you over the wall
your blonde hair
stuck to the tiles
you made me cut it off
so I shaved my head
to be ugly with you
shared an overdose
tricked you
your half was
just beta-blockers
you tried to comfort me
share our pain
slept in bed with me
like you were
a proper mum
with your hurt
arms around me
till you crawled
out to find
the boyfriend
with his drugs
I could never shelter you
from what you were
life and light
grey-faded
shrink in with me
let us share this grave
of soiled hope and
anguished dreams
my wee rough pal
the first one
in the world to say
that you loved me
you wrote it
on my arm for hospital
they thought you were
my daughter I
wished you were
prayed for angels
to shelter you
like you tried
to shelter me
that night
we failed each other
 Jan 2012 Ash
Rachel Leigh
You’re a dangerous child
With your dark eyes
And silly dreams
Drinking tea with poison lips
And buzzing bees with deadly fingertips

You’re a lovely teen
With manipulative ways
And martyr friends
Doing your deeds to delicious ends
Laughing at the boys in their lovesick craze

You’re a trophy wife
With outrageous claims
And lying ways
Drinking your tea with poison lips
And doing your deeds to delicious ends
 Jan 2012 Ash
Odi
Pressure
 Jan 2012 Ash
Odi
They tell me I'm great
And that I''ll go far
Because I posses such "intelligence"
For someone so young
I say Ive known greater
Ive known smarter
And the acid eating away at my insides
Is a direct result of all
your expectations
That I wont meet
And that test I'll fail on Friday
And all the teachers I'll let down
A doctor's daughter
The family of academics
That somehow bred a writers soul
A so called "artist"
However intellectual
I cannot do this
I cannot
 Jan 2012 Ash
Odi
Void
 Jan 2012 Ash
Odi
You tried to make a model,
So perfectly true,
And tried to paint a masterpiece,
With every single hue.

But the mannequin was fragile,
The picture too dark,
On her face there was no smile,
In her eyes no spark.

I appreciate your artistic hand,
But the colors are all wrong,
Did you forget the world is bright?
And life is but a song?

Or did you wake up one morning,
And everything was grey?
Have you finally figured out,
The words you shouldn't say?

Did you awake one late afternoon,
Realized it was still dark, and fell back to snooze?
But sleep did not come, so you waited for the sun to rise,
Ans when it didn't, you didn't weep, you weren't even surprised.

Is it like a world devoid of color?
Of happiness and taste?
Where food has no flavor?
And you have plenty of time to waste?

Because I think I know the feeling,
Of being trapped in a deep dark hole,
And your not sure what it is your seeing,
Your just sure you don't want anyone t know.

Well my friend, my fellow human,
We all bleed this way,
So take it easy buddy,
Because you wont he helped along the way.
 Jan 2012 Ash
Odi
They pretended not to notice how much you had changed
But they did comment on your thinning face
And how much healthier you looked
How much better
They pulled you to the side "Oh my gosh, how did you do it?"
Quizzical looks
They didn't know that the weight you lost
Was unintentional
A compensation for the heavy load inside
You tried to somehow shake off
You hated your jutting rib bones,
Losing your sanity along with your "baby" fat
You lost what made you a woman

No no one noticed your gaunt eyes
and the sharp angle of your cheekbone
Like pain
and the way you started drinking
(Although you never stopped)

They didn't notice the new scars you kept hidden with makeup
Meticulous
careful
calculating
So unlike you
No no one noticed how your eyes shone a little less brighter
Especially when you smiled

Apart from that ex-boyfriend you left a winter ago
Standing in the cold
Because he was an *******
But ******* can be right
And you saw the way he looked at you like-
the way you used to look at a broken mirror
Wondering which piece to pick up first
And start gluing back together
The way you looked at your own blood flow from your wrist's
A little scared, amazed, numb..
Like "Where do we start first?"
And "What happened here?"
Thats how he looked at you
*Atleast someone noticed
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