I hate how much I love you

Be careful not to fall in love
Walk in so that if there’s ever a need to leave, you can just walk out

True fear is not of that which we know,
But that of which we know nothing about
All that is fiction and myth those things that are impossible to figure out
Makes you wonder right?
Wait not yet don’t turn of the lights
Is it really out of mind out of sight

I’m I’m not all you need then just set me free I’m down on my knees
If I’m not the one for you then just let me be I’m begging you please

I write because I think no one gets me
When I’m by myself I seem to get my words out fine and say exactly what I want to but when it comes to others I stumble on my words my accent gets in the way and I get emotional out of frustration.
However when I write its like speaking freely no one to judge me but me
I speak from the heart and I can think clearly
I close my eyes and picture the person in front of me and I let my mind become one with my fingers the pen and paper. When I’m done I always feel so much better because from beginning to end I live in that moment as if it’s really happening
I cry, I laugh and always find a reason to smile
I have that confidence I wish I had all the time. Then “BOOM!!” Reality sets in and it’s all over................

I wish I could forget those hurtful words but they’re stuck in my head like a song on replay I could respond and defend myself but whats the point when you only pretend to care about my opinion and my feeling instead I soak in the truth as painful as it is and I realize I’ll never be good enough for you
I’m sorry I’m not the girl you want me to be but I’ll never be sorry for being me

No reason to stay is a good reason to go.

How dare you blame me for the things that you do
How dare you say those hurtful things knowing they’re not true
I seem to be the blame for any and everything
But you’re the man so I guess you’re not capable of any wrong doings
You punish me for the mistakes of others from your past
No love no trust how then do you expect us to last it’s not always bad sometimes it feels so good
You say and do the sweet things that you should  
But in a heartbeat the blue skies turn grey
Not a word said to each other just another wasted day
It scares me to think that we are possibly not meant to be
What if we’re just holding each other back from our true destiny

It feels like I deserve you but you deserve better

I want to fall in thoughts and fall so deep
To be a part of that peace on his face when he sleeps
To be the one that’s always on his mind
To be that moment he cherish that one space in time
To be the the meaning of what he believes is love
To be that which he can never get enough of
His Peace and tranquility in times of concentration
The healing remedy the best medication
let me be the the reason for that perfect smile
Let me get lost in the inner you for a while
Let me be that thought of rescue from your nightmares
The melody to your soul I long to hear
And even just before he wakes
The smell the feel the taste
Let it be that of nothing more but me
The one thing that truly makes him happy .

How did I get back over here
It feels even darker than before
It’s so quiet it’s frightening
Trapped in my thoughts and uncontrollable emotions
Fighting to be free and find peace
Why couldn’t I keep my promise to myself
Why did I have to fall so hard
I hate it here. Every corner every inch of this place is unwanted memories
If only I can turn back the time who knows I’d probably be happy again
But was I ever?

I want you to love me now
but I don’t see that happening I don’t know how
I want you to have faith in me some sort of trust
But all hope for that is lost  
If only wish could come true
I would wish to be the one, that one made just for you
I will **** me if ever this is over
But I don’t know if I can do this anymore
My best never seem to be enough

Many times we say things to hurt each other especially if we feel hurt by them somethings cannot be taken back But if you care at all you feel guilty you feel sorry and that’s proof that you care the people who keep hurting and pushing you till u snap only to still play victim was never for u a man who claims to love you yet makes you feel like the most worthless woman there is on gods green earth every chance he gets a man who accuses you of things that you didn’t do who’s probably doing it himself a man who damages you emotionally mentally does not love you and they always turn around and say good women don’t exist or love don’t exist honestly my three-year relationship a part of me wish I could take it back but a part of me is grateful for it because I learned a lot and prove myself right about a lot of things but it’s ok I’ll be the bad guy I’ll be the girl that flirts with everybody just by saying hi I’ll be the one who lies even if you have no proof it hurts to know that one person who promised never to hurt you and take you back to this dark place did exactly that yet I’m still the bad guy they say never regret but I wish I could wake up tomorrow and everything was different I don’t care to be alone because I would never hurt me like you did I wish you the best in life And I hope you find what you’re looking for because it’s not me you made that very clear I give up.

I can’t help but blush when I reminisce on the good times
I can’t help but miss everything about you even your big *** head
But then the bad ones slowly creep up
Now I’m confused, stuck in the middle
It’s as if my heart is torn in two
A million reasons why I should go but a million reasons why I should stay
That little hope that this is not the end
I think that’s a little too much for my heart to comprehend