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benny Jun 20
oh, the mortifying ordeal of being perceived
i plunge my feet into vats of concrete until they harden around my tender and vulnerable skin
an impenetrable cage
sleeping with the fishes is easier than sleeping with the pain in your heart
benny Jun 20
my soul doesn't want to be inside this body anymore, my joints creak and my limbs ache and my eyelids weigh heavy against the pull of gravity. i could sleep for so long and be mistaken for a corpse. one with bloodshot eyes decorated with dark purple bruises underneath. one with freezing cold fingertips, numb to the touch. one with the blank stare of a person who'd never been all there. i ache to be free, to float among the stars and galaxies as a collection of molecules and elements. it's a freedom i'll never know, not in my fragile and breakable human skin.

i wonder if i'm trapped in my own personal hell. thinking with a brain that hates itself. i exist, minutes pass and turn to hours, days to years, and yet it all feels like the same giant knot overtaking my weak stomach. all i can do is wonder if the next life will take more mercy on my paper-thin soul.
benny Jun 20
concrete will break and fall apart
wrought-iron rebar rusts until it breaks with a gust of wind
but nature will always win
there will be no one left to pull up the stubborn weeds from the sidewalk cracks
no one left to tend to the perfectly manicured lawn with the perfectly manicured flowerbeds
no one to care when the world becomes overgrown once again
you and i
we'll be quite dead
but life will heal itself, growing over the poorly placed bandaids on top of a rotten, infected wound
benny Jun 20
gazing into eyes that blaze like a thousand suns, i fall into your orbit
i knew you in a life that I've long since forgotten
but the soul always remembers
our atoms will dance with each other among the heavens
a bond that not even death will break
embrace me in your warmth and let me sink into you
my heart bursting open from how I yearn
wherever you go, I'll be sure to follow
benny Jun 20
i can't take your madness anymore
you here, nothing to prove except a point I've never been able to figure out
you changed so much in a matter of months and I don't know you anymore.
maybe I never did
benny Jun 20
I met you during the end of the world
how ironic
spending your last precious days engulfed in the beginning of a brand new story
life is funny like that sometimes,
stumbling into the best of people at the worst of times.
maybe that's why I'm always chasing for the things that aren't there
benny Jun 20
there's a lump in my throat the size of jupiter
blocking out my oxygen and feeble little voice
so I sit, silent and choking but I will never ask for help
you will never perceive me as weak if I never give you the opportunity to see my vulnerabilities
but when you train yourself to blend in for so long it doesn't just turn off when you want
nothing happens the way I want
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