Where has my self respect gone? I had it mere moments ago and in the presence of a boy it melted
through the cracks of desperation. Silly girl, he doesn’t care about your feelings.
Arches upon arches I seem to make leaning this way and that to make one **** date
But I ask myself
is it worth it?
Is it worth the self hate?
Is it worth the self loathing
And the eyes that bear no mercy
The unforgiving judgement I feel when I look into the mirror where I see myself looking back with disgust and a far off distant look in her eyes
a different body maybe and he’d pay more attention?
Is it worth tossing in my sleep unable to stop the train of thought racing through my mind, filling my head with thick black smoke of self pity?
Is it worth not being able to love myself in order to love him?

I feel slick
Like I am traveling through dimensions
slipping
into one
and
onto another
I am with you
You are with me
We are together
And you make me feel like I’m slipping from reality
I feel as if I’m drowning in syrup
So sweet I don’t mind
I can’t breathe when I see you,
you take my breath
Heavy.
my eyes feel heavy as my head rests on your chest as I slip into a syrupy sweet dream where I am in layers of sugary coated words
Where I smile
Where I can’t breathe

I am growing
I am a flower
I live in a concrete jungle
I’ve been to alleyways and sidewalk cracks
Just to soak in a little bit of sunshine
I am a concrete jungle flower
I’ve been stepped on and I’ve been shoved to the side
I’ve been packaged up saying “ I’ve had enough!” And thrown into a box on the road to faux growth only to be put indoors to wilt and be tossed aside
thrown into the concrete jungle again
I am a concrete flower  
And I will survive

I felt angry when I heard your name it’s so stupid that you have that power over me
I felt sad when I saw you in the halls and you couldn’t even look me in the face
I felt confusion when I laid in bed at night wondering what I could’ve done to fix this what could’ve gone better
I sit wondering if it was supposed to end like this were we supposed to just go our own ways?
I feel gloom when I think about how I hurt you
I feel myself slowly moving on but you’ll always have a piece of my heart because during that short time I let you in,
you grabbed as much as **** possible and now my heart is missing a piece and I wouldn’t ask for it back because it’s rightfully yours.

You trace shapes onto a hollow rib cage
Where my heart should be
Where it is
But feels empty
My brain is fuzzy with thoughts
Why don’t you love me?

I miss you
I miss your touch
I miss your eyes
I miss the way you look at me
I miss your goofiness
I miss you
But I can’t because im stuck
I’m stuck in a cave where my thought bounce off the walls and I have no clarity of what I think
    And the cave is dark and I’m alone and I’m scared my heart hurts from the anxious beating it does
my screams are drowned out by inconsistent thought
How do I fix this ?
How do I get out?

I feel myself slowly crack again like I first did but this time it’s different the crack isn’t as deep and it doesn’t delve into sadness
The wound oozes anger and regret
I cut myself wide open and now I’m bleeding the consequences

Memories that don’t feel real
You’re not here for me to confirm them
It’s all a distant feeling
Bubbly feelings in the past now they’re just a pang of reminiscing
simpler times.
I do not miss you, but I do miss feeling with you.

Thick as thieves.
Two peas in a pod.
You couldn’t catch me without her.
Isn’t it funny how much people can change?
I used to know you a year ago, but now I don’t know you at all.
A room that was filled with friendship is now stagnant. The stench of anxiety perspirates through our pores and the strangers gaze plants seeds of anxiety into my chest. The tightening of the roots around my lungs makes the room seem heavy
I haven’t seen you in so long!
We embrace a touch we used to know. Two old bodies that we’ve shed long ago that We’ve sewn back together to facade this idea we are still the same. That we are still friends, thick as thieves.