I knew I loved you before I knew you were to be born, I made life long promises to you before I knew you were to be born. I just couldn’t imagine just how much I would love you at that time until the day you were born, the moment I found out that I was going to be a mother I was shocked at first but when the shock wore off I was beyond joy.

I couldn’t wait for the day that I would finally meet you, to hold you in my arms, to kiss your beautiful head and to rock you to sleep. I was scared about breast breastfeeding you because of how top-heavy I am, so I decided to bottle feed you instead.

I took parenting classes to make sure that I would know how to care for you, I want you to have a better life then I did growing up. I will make sure that you do because I’ll make sure with all of my power that you do have a better life than me.

I’ll get you whatever you want and need all you have to do is ask me, you are my special and precious little baby girl. You claimed my heart for your own when you were born.

By: Vera Rice

I tried every day to run away from my ghost, that Haunts me in my dreams and when I'm awake. What did I do so wrong to have lost such a precious gift? I have tried not to blame myself for losing another baby inside my body, I have done everything I can not worry about it.
Even though I'm scared plum out of my mind, for the baby I'm carrying now I pray every day and night that everything is perfect with this precious Angel. I will keep trying not to worry about my ghost that is always haunting me.
The times I have to fight and face my ghost by myself is getting more and more each day I'm reminded of it more and more each day, It keeps coming to the surface reminding me of my pain and guilt all over again.
I'm sick and tired of pretending that I'm not hurting inside over my ghost, my pain and most of all my guilt, what's so funny is that nobody can help me. It's my cross to bear alone forever, so I'll patch up the holes that got ripped open anew again.
Where it made me feel my pain and guilt as well as facing my ghost again, I refuse to burden anyone with my ghost because it's mine to deal with, and I will suppress my pain and my guilt.
When I feel like I'm finally on equal ground with my ghost I will steel myself firmly and mentally to overpower my ghost, so I can lock it back up in the deepest and darkest place inside my body. Not even my pain or guilt will be able to bring my ghost back to the surface again, it won't be easy to get rid of my ghost but I'll try my hardest not to worry or stress over my ghost anymore.
By: Vera Rice!

In the blink of an eye I went from being called the wife to now being called * or slave, it really hurts and cuts me all the way down to my soul. I once was important to you and now I'm just **** under your feet, I went from queen of the castle to the maid of the castle.
I gave you my heart freely without questioning your motives, I bared my deepest, darkest secrets, my weaknesses and my fears to you. You are the only one who has seen straight through to my soul, the only one who knows what's locked up inside of me buried deep within me wanting to escape it's a prison.
I showed you respect, you had my trust and I did whatever you told me to do. I have stood beside you as we lost two homes, I have been there for you when you kept going to jail and I made sure you always had money on your books if we had any. I have suffered with you through losing a baby, my little girl and your children getting adopted out.
I have snapped on mothers for putting you down, people would come and tell me that you were * this woman and that woman, but I wouldn't believe them. In one of your mind playing tricks on you fazes you told me that you didn't want me, that you didn't love me and you left me at someone's house by myself, everybody was hearing what you were saying to me but I was reading your eyes. 
Which they were saying, 'I need you, I want you and I love you.' I bet you never knew that I've almost left you twice but I would stop and listen to what my heart had to say and it told me to stay so I did, and eventually things started to get better for us again. You were out of jail and you were clean until all of your old friends started hanging around you again. The last time you went to jail on me, they also took my * with you. 
The whole six months you were in jail, not hardly ever did you not have money. I gave you all the money while I starved and ate out of the park's trash can, not once did I ever think about leaving you.
I have always been by your side through the bad times we had together when our good times came about they were a blast for us. Now we have hit another bad time when you ripped my heart out of my chest and broke it into a million pieces and then stepped on it to boot.
I will literally run myself rugged just to please you, even if I ended up sick or close to death's door in the progress of trying to make you happy. Hell I even had your back then and I still have it now, and what was my reward in return you break my heart into a million pieces and stepped on it to boot. I was so happy to be your queen but now I'm just a piece of *** beneath your feet not even worthy enough to step on. By: Vera Rice!

Since the first time I met you, spent time with you and talked to you I started to love you like you was my own daughter. I loved spending time with you, having you around, watching you and your dad laughing together.
Seeing him smile every time you came over to see us, hopefully, pretty soon you will stay the whole weekend with us by yourself. I dream of us being able to take you and Annabella out for family activities, plus other places also such as amusement parks, the zoo, and water parks too.
Where we all can have fun together as a family, riding rides and making wonderful memories together. You're a very smart, talented and beautiful young woman with a good head on your shoulders just like your dad. Don't let anybody tell you any different, and if they ever try to put you down anyway they can don't believe them.
They are just jealous of you because no one has ever taught them how to be kind to others less fortunate than themselves. You were taught to be kind, thoughtful and respectable towards others.
That makes you beautiful, caring and most importantly smarter than those idiotic people who think they are better than you when in truth they are just sad, miserable and just so pathetically lonely people.
Those types of people think if they make fun of you and bring you down, to the point of double questioning your own worth. Your dad keeps telling me the same thing, so I'm going to proudly pass it down to you and eventually to Annabella also.
I'm so thankful to have been apart of your life even if it was so quickly gone in a blink of an eye, but I wouldn't trade our short, sweet and bliss-filled six months for anything in the world.
I hope and pray that you will never forget that I might not have carried you beneath my heart like I did my daughter. But I want you to know that you hold a special place inside of my heart, and I'm so very proud to call you daughter.
In those short sweet six months with you, know that you became so very special to me. I loved watching you spend time with your dad since you never really got to know him. But for those short sweet six months that we had with you, there are precious memories now. I love you my sweet beautiful Lori Rose!
By: Vera Rice!

If my heart was a violin then you played the last string, you promised forever and I fell for your lies, I ain't gonna fall for them anymore you keep coming back with your arms open wide, but I don't need you so turn around and walk away.
    I've already said my final goodbye, I've cried my final tears for you I won't cry for you anymore I have someone new to cry for and love, somebody other than you someone to lean on someone true. Someone to take away all the pain, someone better than you.
      My wounded heart has found someone new it found completion and love in somebody's arms other than yours, my heart's already healed and found someone new. Someone better and true someone who wants me, someone who will fight for me. Someone who took my wounded heart for their own someone who will protect it with their arms and love.
        That someone is braver than you so turn around and walk away and find someone else's heart to play, mine found someone new I really don't need you so leave my heart alone. 
        Because it belongs to someone else, my heart won't pound for you anymore. It pounds for someone new someone other than you, so don't come back to me because I won't even look your way anymore my eyes will only look at my somebody new.
By: Vera Rice!

When I kissed your hand my heart was finally complete when you looked up at me with your beautiful eyes my whole world was lit up bright. When I heard your cry it was the sweetest music to my ears I won't let anyone have you or hurt you, I will always protect you no matter what.
     I knew from the beginning that I loved you and I will always be there for you, I want you to know that you can tell me anything I will always listen to you no matter what so don't ever be afraid to tell me anything.
      You look like an angel you feel like one also, you will always be my sweet angel, please don't ever forget that my beautiful baby girl. I will always fight for you no matter what, your life will always be sweet I'll make sure of that my beautiful baby girl. Even if I have to hurt someone over you I will that is mommy's biggest ultimate promise to you, my beautiful baby girl.    
I love singing, dancing and reading to you as well as hearing you sing to me, you have a beautiful voice that makes mommy want to cry. Your a very smart, bright, and gorgeous girl who makes her mommy proud every day. I can tell you a lot but I know you don't want to hear it, so I will only say one thing to you, I love you, my beautiful baby girl, when I kissed your hand.
By: Vera Rice!

Who am I? I really don't know who my real self is, I have been locked up inside of myself with no way of escaping and no way to cry out for help either. Because my voice won't work and nobody can hear it, because it's buried really deep inside of me.
My real self has been locked  all my life, I never got to meet my real self. My family saw something inside of me that must have scared them because they were the ones who locked up my real self. They even gave me rules to obey and follow without asking any questions, the first rule I learned was 'you are not allowed to feel anything.'
It still sometimes feels like it applies even now, then the worst thing happened to me it was the day my prison door was shut and locked forever. I can never escape it because I don't have the power, then I found out that it was only going to get even more horrible for me.
My family gave me a title that I don't want and I despise it whole heartily, that title is 'I'm a good girl who does what she's told.' I have tried to escape many times over the years but to no avail, they always found me and returned me to my prison. Even now they still make sure that my prison door is safely locked, I don't think my family wants me to become one with my real self.
I think their sacred of my real self that's why they locked her up, I can hear her screaming to be set free from my prison door. I everyone sees is really just a shell of my real self, that my family locked away and threw the key away.
I think their sacred that if my real self was set free because they wouldn't be in control of me anymore. They wouldn't be able to manipulate me anymore either like they have been doing to my shell of my real self all my life.
My family would lose their personal playtoy and that makes them scared of my real self if she ever got free of my prison door that they locked her up in. By: Vera Rice