but how hard it is for you actually
being there
stop to reflect
and run away as fast as you can
how hard is it?
to go forward
instead of going back

you are a good girl
you are not a bad girl
you may be different
or you may be the most normal person in the whole world
you choose

so
is it really that hard for you?
to take the step and see what is on the other side
reject all the nonsense
you have experienced before
and come back
go to this bad boy you have always been dreaming about

but I dare you to never look back
and do not look for love anymore
because there will be no any
your choice remains forever
and you must learn to live
as if there was never anything else

I don’t know
am I even trying to rethink it?
or is it the void of what it could be
what it could have been

because remember that
the life you chose is already done
the fate has been completed
and you have done all you possibly could

are you still there?
waiting for another round
nervously playing with fingers
you feel edgy
and it is a good thing
you are on the edge
of good manners

the whole ‘adventure’ as you would call it
is not even a reality
how can you know if it is all true
when there is no one around

aren’t there suppose to be like a mass?
a great group of people
who comment your every move your every breath
maybe this particular life
this odd scenario of improper situations
has never been used

and yet there you are
enthusiastically looking out for the sign to start
to begin with a grand gesture
the one and only life you have to live

I did not expect it
no one did
that you would even show up here
tonight
with such a big smile on your face

what did make you so happy?
is it the fact that the end is coming?
the final relief that could finish you
using extremely painful force
it would easily put you on the floor, I bet

but yet
you’re standing here
smiling and nodding agreeably to people around you
even your dress seems decent
so after all you have decided on this short one
well, I can’t say
your legs are looking really good
seems like you’ve started working out again

all the sweat of yesterday
had been washed out with warm stream of water
you were waiting for this moment for a long time
admit it
there is nothing better
than the process of liberation from all hands that have touched yours during the long day of pretending

water
the only liquid you your body can accept
now
nothing else matters
they say don’t forget to hydrate yourself
can you see the point in it?
**** health

waking up in the morning has become your biggest nightmare
even worse than those when you asleep
you have hard times differentiating between
two realities
at the moment you just want to vanish
not only because nothing’s working out

it’s just again there is no breakfast
no meal that could calm your stomach
after all there is no difference
next you will light a first cigarette today
this should help
is there any other purpose of smoking?

and now the most important decision awaits
go with your guts
or follow the usual pace of another usual day

always different
against
awry
your whole life is upside-down
and where it has led you

can you even recognise
the old places
these few friends who were with you even when you couldn’t have stood them anymore

I can feel the aura of pride around you
but why
why being proud when there’s no one around you
you are left alone
and the anxiety is not helping

your muscles are sore
and you can’t walk any longer
the sun is really heavy
not allowing you to enjoy the break
what is the destination by the way?
have you thought about what you’d like to see?
for instance

the light breeze
playing with your hair
feeling at peace with every creature on the earth
hey girl
everyone loves you
there is no need for crying

but for now
wake up
it’s time to move on