years and years
of bottling tears
canning and sorting them
always exploring them

is there something wrong
with the prescription that im on
cause

nobody seems to have all the answers
im looking for and my heads a disaster
always wondering if im alright and if im okay
and will I one day figure out why every day
im questioning myself.

is this right
is this me?
who am I meant to be?
in the mirror what am I mean to see

whoever I see look perfectly fine
but somehow its lying
somehow the reflection I see isn't right im wasting time
trying to find out what is right.
no its not ugly no its not bad but its hard to describe the distant feeling I have with the stranger I see that somehow isn't me

one day I flattened my chest and cut off my hair cause maybe somehow that was the answer. and that was the answer.
she lied to me all along.

im not a girl, im not a woman, im not a tomboy, im not the pretty girl

im a man, I like dresses, im a guy who loves makeup.

no more lies in the mirror.

hello.
this is me.
this is my skin.
its got marks ,
and moles,
and scars upon scars upon scars.
but thats okay.
a body isn't a body without a hint of imperfection.
not once did I say I was proud.
not once did I say I was happy with it.
but I must live with it.
forever until my death.
goodbye...

sewing a new day
a new stitch of twenty four hours
where I see this familiar face to which I don't wish to see
in the beginning it was nice
but much like a needle you to get dull to me.

I don't react when you touch me
you don't pierce my thick skin
often times I brush you off.

you're annoying
theres nothing wrong with you
to put it simply my opinion has changed

I don't wish to hug you
I don't wish to talk to you in the mornings
I don't want you whispering near my neck

it was fun in the beginning
but you're now a dull needle
you aren't used to make any fabric hold together.
you are discarded.

to whom I vent about cannot see
that I don't need him but he needs me,
so I carry your dead weight though you'd be so easy to drop
like rolls of fabric to heavy to carry.

a pest you are
a dull needle discarded
I want you to leave me alone.
to give me space.
stop touching me
stop asking for your daily hug
stop talking in my ear

im not interested in meaningless conversation
I want to be alone, or with others.

dull needle
dull conversation
uncomfortable touches from your dull hands
you're uncomfortably close to me

please leave me alone.

I dont want to loose anyone. thats all I have to say.
but when they ask if I'm okay all I do is shrug it off like every other day.

scattered vent btw.