I don’t want to chase
I don’t want to break
I get it
We may not make it
It is what it is
The dream is nice to hold on to
The dream is nice to fight for
But honestly I get it
I get you have a life
I get you have a wife
I get you won’t walk away
I get it hurts you too
I get it is not in my control
It makes me weep too
It is what it is
I pray that I can walk away
When the time comes
I pray that we can both forget
And move on with our lives
With gratitude that we met
With gratitude that it was fortuitous

How can you write a book about a week
It starts with being nervous
You spend 6 hours, time flies
And leave it wanting more and weak at the knees
Then you promise to meet the next day
He surprises you with his words
And danishes at breakfast
Think he feels the same
You meet day after day trying to communicate
Listening to the songs
& Trying to sort- what’s on the table and what’s off
Trying to feel the softness
Trying to figure
There are no triggers
You feel happy, part in a fairytale
The noise drowns around you
The glances
The touches
The couches :)
The softness you feel inside
And the butterflies :)
You talk and you talk, over dinner, over coffee
You try to keep it honest and say things that feel like a promise
He comes home, you speak of kisses and sigh
You hug and you say good bye
When he walks away you know you are not alone
You will meet again
You meet again, he sleeps
He walks away again and you don’t weep
You know it in your heart, it is only the start

What you love
Leave it alone
Don’t chase
Don’t break
Cause you love it
Let it thrive
Let it be alive
Don’t touch it
Don’t burn it
Let it survive
Away from you
Don’t let it be swept away
Cause you wanted to be happy
For a moment or two
Be happy
Don’t want it
Cause it will come to you
And you will break it
Leave it alone
Let it be alive
Let it survive
It doesn’t need you

When you are broken
And it’s all dark inside
You find the light to keep it going
The slightest trigger and you will go down
And there will be destruction all around
You check out when you are hurt
You treat people like they are dirt
You want to annihilate the world when you hurt
You are the harbinger of unhappiness
Cause all you care about after a while is your happiness
You tell people your vulnerabilities from the start
Make them aware so they care
They treat you with kid gloves
And keep it light and full of love
Their attention shifts
You talk and cry and beg
Indifference
Then you move on in your mind
And tell yourself they deserve
What comes to them
You will destroy
You will be on a war path
Cause you warned them about yourself from the start.

A lot and nothing
Do you hold on
I do
Then I ask myself why
List the things you did for me and sigh
It’s there I know it
And I won’t let go
Fight for it
We’ll wait
And see if we can make it glow

Things said, things unspoken,
I say too much
He says nothing
What to make
Let it break?
Let it fall apart
But he does things that feel like art
Then he shuts down
With the promise of

The distance grew
The meaning changed
All I wanted was
To begin again
Find a meaning
Find a purpose
But I was lost again
Even worse than before
Cause I had felt it
Cause there was a yearning
A yearning for stolen moments
A yearning for smiles
A yearning for the meeting eyes
A yearning for never letting it slide
A yearning that goes beyond
That satisfies your soul
A lesson learned
Reign it in
Guard your heart
Pick up the pieces
And begin again
Again and Again
Until you find gold
Within your own soul