I miss you..

2:48am and I'm alone in bed
Never thought I'd lose you..
If I could spend another day with you
In exchange for everything right now, I would..

You are constantly on my mind
You showed me love like no other
You made me feel happy for the first time in my entire life

You were the branches the kept me together
The flowers that gave beauty to my life
The cigarette that relieved me from stress
The pill that made me forget about how cruel the universe really is

Hai Babe..
It's been awhile now..
I have so much stories to tell you
It felt like suits during your burial day where I felt the need to tell them..
It was Greys Anatomy when we were at the ER
It was a walk to remember.. when..
Well..

Your birthday how could I forget
When I almost tried to **** my self the day before..
When I wanted nothing moren than to be with you again..
My life was a total wreck before I met you.. you were genuine when the world was full of hypocrisy
You were the one flower surrounded by dead leaves
You were the song I'd hear when no one bothered to listen

Hai Babe..
meet Jai..

People see her as your look alike
But to me she isn't
People see her as chaotic and broken
But to me she isn't
People see her as another you
But to me she isn't

I would never want another you
But I did fall inlove the same way too

She was the light when all I saw was dark
She was the gem when everyone else saw her as dirt
She was the rainbow when everyone else was color blind to see..
I hope you like her Babe.. she treats me right.. she's not you.. she's different

The most unique one I've met so far...
And I'm inlove with her too now..
I hope she's the one you lead me too..
I hope she never hurts me..
I hope she never leaves me..
I hope she lives for me..

I'm sorry Bianca..
I let you down..
I won't make the same mistake with her I promise..
I won't let her go..
She means the world to me now..
I don't wanna lose my faith in her..
I'm so broken..
I'm so lost..

I love you for eternity..
I love her for eternity..
I'm ****** up..
I'm messed up..

I don't deserve to live..

My morning cup of coffee

The first thing I have in my day
a cup of coffee keeps me up for days
a cup of coffee keeps me warm when I'm cold

It helps me focus on everything i do*
my cup of coffee is you.

When all else fails would you run back to your past?
If I make a mistake would you consider it over just like that?
apparently I haven't seen you at your worst yet, Just like how I have never even seen the bottom of the ocean.
Or how I have never seen the the back of my reflection,
Hurt me you must, to see If I have the guts, Hurt you I can't, For you aren't strong enough to hold on.

Out of a million smiles
I'd look for yours
Out of a billion eyes
I'd look at yours.

In a crowded place
lights dimmed
Music so loud
So many people around
All I hear
Is your heartbeat near.

In a world so chaotic
I've found someone so poetic
All I see is you.

Hai.

Give me ALL your attention too.

Words you know that can mend your heart.
Words when whispered to your ears you know it would end in tears.

Someone to handle your mental ways.
But why look for someone who could?when you can't even handle your self anyway.

From the hundreds of claims from people who said they would, It's a shame they all couldn't.
Was it so hard to love me? or was it so hard to handle me?

Smile, smile as if it was how you wanted to be remembered as, like the last photograph you'll ever get,
framed on the side of the table of your loved ones as they see you every morning when they wake up.


Laugh, laugh as if for the longest time you actually felt like you belonged. I know you know you arent okay. But that's okay.. it's okay.. okay?
You aren't happy I know,
As you yearn for that feeling where your heart was filled with joy hugging that favorite pillow of yours , face plunged deep with heart felt combustion of emotions.

It's okay to hide behind these walls hindering them to see your true colors. It's not your fault you take irrational decisions to compensate for your negative emotions. It's okay

Can't sleep
Alone with multiple dimensions
Of emotions,
Various forms of depression,
It seems happiness was just a figment of my imagination.

Was my reflection
Just a selection
Of my self impression
To express this form of self destruction

Apparently I've always been meant to be alone
To lye in bed and write this poem
To shed my tears yet no one to hold
To have a house but never a home
To live a life and die alone.

We are faded
In the still nights
Littered with traces of fear
And litters of heavy affection

Our lips bleed
Spilled sin
And
Unappreciated kindness
For wrong souls
And love
          Gone
             Wrong


In the light of passing cars,
I stare at your brokenness—

Maybe these shards of me might make you feel whole again

I love you