Do you ever die in your dreams?
I’ve been ******* up bad
Lately
every move, every word
All running away
Gazelles sprinting
I look like a panther
But I’m a house cat
Lazily wandering
I find myself
spinning wheels
Pin wheels
in dreams
only to find
Faults
Falter.
Do you ever die in dreams?
Repetitively
Choose your own adventure
the end is always the same.

Boredom
Spoonfuls
Spoon fools.
Night lights and empty sights
Street smells of green rains
Waning
Wallowing in apathy
Long stretches of long faces
Dark bars and long halls
Long hauls.
Casual interest.
Mismatched people all looking past each other.
I see it in the eyes
In the short movements
Light gestures
Softly saying I need something, anything
I guess you'll do. It's close enough.
In the mornings the edges don't quite line up.
A wandering mind is a mind seeking
Searching
Desperate
Disparate
Looking seeing
Disconnected connection
Bored choices.
A feigned interest.
Falling back in discontent
Good enough. But never enough.
Aimless
Depths of fears
Unresolved tears
Listless pursuits.
Wait.
Searching for
meaning, intention, inspiration, fulfillment, satisfaction, purpose
A moment of bliss --
A lasting impact.
Impacting
Impacted
Craters in the jaw.
Extra
Teeth spilling out
Vexed
On a moonlit road
Standing, head tilted back
Searching.

Walk home in the dark jam your hands in the pockets of the coat your brother gave you. Duck your head as the car drives past. Walk faster as the cold freezes your nose hair. Slip your key into the lock. Deeply breathe as she shouts. Pet the dog he loves you. Open the fridge find a beer. Hand her one. Breathe. Sigh. Calmly answer the machine gun questions each one a bullet waiting to penetrate. Drink another beer. Tell her you love her. Breathe. Pet the dog. Make yourself apologize. Pour yourself some cereal. Check the clock 1:42 am. Tell her your tired, there are no right answers. She won't let it go. She needs the control. Breathe, finish your cereal. Tell her you're going to bed. The mattress was your ex's. Wash your face, wash the pain out of your eyes. You asked for this. Hug her when she comes to you. Call the dog to bed. You're tired. There is no winner.

She puts the filter between her pointer and thumb and presses until it pops.
Draws in the smoke
Dark eyeliner and mascara bleed
The windshield is glazed from two packs a day
Menthols always sound fresh
It's deceptive
Iced caramel macchiato with a shot of espresso
Wake up wrap.
One cigarette there and two back.

I was always good at other people's routines.

Tight throated exposure
Up-ended in a freight train
Type cast in the waves of reality
We wonder
Wander

Don't move.
Utter the references we all know
Breath
Breathe
Nose up
And in the snow we all can find the feeling of being alive
Wipe the snot from you lip
Wire your jaw in tune
And spin the top til your brain can. Grasp all that the earth has to offer.
We wonder
We wander
You find me in dark sleepless nights that are seemingly endless.
But breathe.

Swallow.
Throats so tight that you could choke.
Under the light in car
On the dash
The blue
Shines.
Wander
What are you.
Do you even know.
No.

There's a black hole in my stomach
Twisting and churning

But never feed it.
It's like feeding demons

emptiness is swallowing
Wallowing
And echoes through vacant organs

Time: 4:58 pm
A few good days
A few

Once I dug your car out of three feet of snow
Three footed
Sure footed

I finally met Joe.
The music we fell in love to.
He was gentle and kind like the notes he twisted and the lyrics he spun.

It's amazing how complicated feeding yourself can be.

Elusive
Weakness or strength
Slipping or sliding

There's a black hole in my stomach.

Wrestle for a moment
Hold your breath
Visit the new place
Okay
Yeah
We have to go back sometimes
Goo Goo Dolls hum verses
Slide
We look dead
Dead in the eyes,
long and strange
eye contact that perpetuates the quiver
I know life is in the pupils but the blacks seem grey and the lull of the lips is subtle
She hesitates
You can look at someone with such specificity that words are fragile and empty
Lean in
See the pain in the curve
A wanting
A numb quiet pulse
A rush of scent
It's burning
You're burning
She's a fire in your throat
A thirst
A few good days
A few
Is it real?
Is this real.
Warmth in the embrace
A breath on the neck
Plight of the song bird in the early morning light through a screen door
A storm memory
Rain on impulse
And she speaks
Smiles even
But trust is
fleeting, falling, failing, falsifying
Quiver
Rib cage shutters
Shut the door
Her voice is soft and delicate
Filled with syllables of fear
I am not a solution
Or the freedom
I am the heart
Complicated
And strange
Wild and filled with the wonder of heartache and pain
We wrestle
You wrestle
Gold
Hold
Hold your breath