Because of all this, I did grow.
I got out of my safe burrow .
I gotta know how this selfish world works
And how people fool you by their easy typical lurks.
I am not saying that this is how it's always done,
But there are only a few not none,
Who love you even in their thoughts,
Their love is like a line, continuous dots.
I have seen some heartbroken at the bar having non stop shots.
And some just lost in crowd of a thousand people and a lots.



Things change, situations too,
People too, most but few,
Remain the same ,
Constantly lame,
They often say sorry,
Sometimes even disrespecting their glory
But then it's always fine.
Till the time they respect their relationship even if it is for sake of a dime.
I did learn,
But I couldn't turn,
To my way back home.
From love's doomed dome,
Love is indeed a beautiful feeling,
When not reciprocated it starts killing.
Deep inside I keep yelling,
Not at others but at myself.
The devil inside rings the bell and I hear a knell.

Love is weird
It fools your heart by
Making him feel cared
But then it actually is a lie
Then there is a spell of hard thoughts
You think of your special person, their well being and what not
You feel like why did it even start
And you think why couldn't you become her part
The way she became yours
You entered the house of love through its doors
Thinking you might settle on one of its floors
But then it turned out to be wrong time
She felt her soul can't rhyme
You had already imagined your future with her
Now this was one of those expenses which you couldn't incur
Now you suppressed yourself
You were expecting santa but you received an elf
Your heart became heavy
Just like that of wife of a navy
When his husband leaves for the sail
And now you know that you have failed
But you just keep your smile wide
So that you dont have to explain the reason
Behind your tide
And now it's in your life like a really long season
A really really long season...

I often wonder,
What kind of wonder you turned my messy life into.
I am so into you.
In this atmosphere of frost and dew,
I got a person to fall in love with.
Earlier I thought all of this was myth.
My anxiety makes me fear,
What would I do without you?
My life would again get back to first gear.
I wish I could just stop you here with me for a few.
Whom would I ask random question?
About weird things, sometimes logical sometimes out of fashion.
Thought of your absence,
Just makes me lose my essence.
I fear not being able to share !
I feel this would not be fair!
I fear missing you even when I am with my friends .
Cause I miss holding your hands,
I know we never actually did-
But in my dreams we bid, we bid.
I fear living in past,
Although It was never really vast
But moments with you passed by really fast.
By the phrase "I fear",
I recall something my dear
I remember how I used to fear things-
That now I just live with.
I feared falling in love,
I did and I am kind of happy with my dove.
I feared not getting loved back ,
I didn't, still it fells like a home eventhough it's a shack.
I feared being someone's second priority,
I am, I still dont want someone 's pity.
I feared that what if my messages are just left on seen,
I believe that was my insecurity and just some random thought of a teen.
I am a human and so I fear,
Sometimes even things, useless and mere;
Maybe because I care,

Or simply cause I fear...

Today I tried ignoring ten
I just don't know how you do it man
You just leave their messages on seen
That according to me is really really mean
I believe it is as stupid as a decision taken by a teen
It seems you were never taught on how to lean
Well I am no one
But for me all of this is not fun.

Well I despise myself for not being able to hate,
Someone played a really hard game with me and I guess it was fate,
But I decided that I wont give up my mate.
It has been a couple of months since that date.
Now I have finally lost all hope,
Earlier my intentions were as bold as that of pope.
I am just stuck in the game of life ,
I just want a deep pool to dive.
I used to be a person who used to strive,
Real hard till I achieved ,
What I aspired ,
Now I am as angry as a boss who has just blurted out the word 'fired'.
All life is doing to me is to make me more and more tired.
Someone just told me that it is a phase,
Which everyone has faced.
How do I tell that someone?
That she's the one,
Whom I lost in the battle of love,
I thought maybe she was my dove.
She has occupied my thoughts,
Like a lamp gets covered by moths.
I can never tell all of this to her face,
Because of that beautiful gaze.
Now it's the season of love and haze,
But she's not willing to fall for me,
And this is what hurts my knee.
It's still stagnant, I'm still stuck,
Maybe it's not just in my luck.

Ever fallen for someone's soul?
Gaining their love became your only goal.
In the process,
You crossed all crosses.
And then one sudden day
You thought while you lay
That you have just lost
And it did cost
More than you could have imagined.
You were once a sparkling diamond
And now just a stone,
Writing all of this on your phone.
You are a loser
And you were once a chooser.
While thinking what went wrong?
I couldn't think beyond
Cause all my mind knows now is how to write a song.
And I just realised
That I can't and I won't give up.
There's always a scope of more to doth
But I won't chase
Cause I am not patient enough to wait for a thousand days.
I'll work through the policy of let go
And I have now realized that this is not my show.
I'll not feel low,
I'll not think of this anymore,
Not even when I lay near the seashore.
I know that there is more, that there is more...

Let me tell you about life
You always hold a knife
It's on your fingertips to decide wheter to live
But you never choose life
Life chooses you
You try not to love
But then at the end
It's never a choice to mend
Mostly you are given a heart to lend
And one just can't keep it on hold
You have got a choice to mould
But you rather try to fold
When betrayed, suddenly a heart made of gold
Just turns into a brutal bold.

People say let time play ,
Only I know that I have relied on it since may.
There was a time I used to get happy just after seeing her reply - 'okay',
I am a weird person people say that often.
They say they'll write it on my coffin.
I proved myself by not starting a conversation with hey.
I am just sick, all I can think of is her even when I lay.
She doesn't care,
I am just a passing hare,
Only I know how valuable is my tear.
I'll take revenge for every inch of it,
I have seen people knit,
For their loved ones .
I am so full of aggression,
That I wanna fire guns.
I think I have fallen into the trap of depression.
I should not be accepting this,
But I have found bliss even in this.
I hate the mire I have fallen into,
I hate this version of mine.
I still wanna play the game according to terms of time.
Doesn't she have even a little pinch of feelings for me?
Am I not even that loveable ?
I am just getting ignored like the preamble.
I'll not text her first.
I know that I still have that thirst,
But I don't want my anger to burst,
Because that'll seriously be the worst,
That one could ever imagine .
This time I loved for love 's sake,
All I got was a fool's take.
But now I have decided to leave through the gate.
Without letting her know ,
That this is gonna be one sided flow,
I am not gonna return,
Cause I dont have a lantern,
And it is now forever gonna be dark
And there's no mark.
I give up, I have lost all hope,
I just couldn't cope.
It was really painful holding that rope,
My little heart can't take no more.

The desire not fulfilled,
My feelings and emotions were *******.
My heart was on the verge of getting killed,
But then I was just mute.
Hiding the messy state that I was in,
Which looked worse than a dustbin.
Thinking that maybe falling for her was a sin,
My heart which was as delicate as a fish's fin,
It was shattered, it was crying.
So I had to keep lying,
He was innocent enough to believe me.
All i wanted to do was to relieve him.
I made situations worse,
Breaking upon a curse.
And now it is out of affordability of my purse,
I just cant think straight.
Because of all the freight ,
Maybe the situations were not just great,
But now it's just late.
All my readers tell me how should I console my heart,
That it was out of reach of my dart.
She was on my wishlist but not my cart, not my cart....

Slow messages
Your mind gets captured in cages
And like you know you are not some sages
You obviously aren't getting paid wages
But still
I get killed
I have to fill
My heart with fake theories
I might be disrespecting my glories
And then those feelings arise
Borne out of lies
What people call passion
Or compassion
Or love
It is never ignited by those curves
If you think it is
Then it's mere attraction
It just has to have a small fraction
My love isn't pure
Cause it couldn't cure
When it was not given me back
It did lack
I Don't know what
How easy it is to say," move on"
And that I am supposed to be gone
I was never shown
But I don't regret
It's my unique tread
I won'tsay that I was not fed
With what I wanted
Maybe I just didn't deserved.